


The Red Thread

by zuojia



Category: So Nyuh Shi Dae | Girls' Generation
Genre: F/F, Lots of things going on, anyway, i'm a little appalled at myself, lol am i supposed to put genre tags here, there's still so much left, this story is so long
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-09-27
Updated: 2014-09-28
Packaged: 2018-02-19 00:14:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 67,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2367164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zuojia/pseuds/zuojia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Something always pulls her back, and sometimes that's all that matters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This has been an on-going fic for a while now, but I've only been posting on ssf and I'd like to have the story uploaded on my ao3 account as well, so here we are. I feel like I should have more words to say but none are really coming to mind...enjoy?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part I - Frayed:
> 
> "I can't remember how to forget you. I don't think I want to anymore. The problem now is that the more I want to remember, the faster it all seems to slip away. I know that so much has happened, but I'm left only with fragments of memories. Only moments are left now, which is fitting I suppose. Sometimes moments were really all we ever had."

Taeyeon had never liked being the new kid. Even in kindergarten when _literally_ everyone in class was new, she had struggled to connect with her peers – for the first few weeks her only real friend had been the teacher and her parents had been worried that she would need to transfer schools. Before the end of the year however, Taeyeon had found her voice, and after seven years at the same school, she had become one of the most popular students there.

As she climbed the main staircase of her new middle school, she sighed at the thought of all of her old friends and teachers. Her parents had decided that Taeyeon had outgrown her tiny school and decided to enroll her in the marginally larger and more rigorous private school two towns over, Heights Academy. Though she had just visited campus the previous day for new student orientation, she now felt lost as she made her way up to the third floor where she knew her locker was.

_“Hey, Taeyeon! Taeyeon Kim!”_

A few people turned at the boisterous welcome, causing embarrassment to flare up within her momentarily, but Taeyeon quickly quashed the feeling as the only friend she had at her new school pushed her way through the crowded hallway to pull her into a warm hug.

“Sooyoung,” Taeyeon greeted with a genuine smile.

She had forgotten how much she enjoyed her childhood friend’s company. The two had grown up across the street from one another, but Sooyoung’s family moved when she turned eight and they had only seen each other on several occasions afterwards. Taeyeon gave her a one-armed pat on the back.

“Still not a hugger, huh?” Sooyoung observed playfully as she pulled away.

Taeyeon shrugged. “I guess some things never change.”

“Like your height.”

“Hey, we can’t all have our growth spurts when we’re seven,” Taeyeon protested. “And I got a little taller over the summer.”

“Yeah, _a little_ ,” Sooyoung teased.

“I still have time,” Taeyeon told her with a scowl. “It’s only the first day of sixth grade.”

Sooyoung nodded emphatically. “Keep telling yourself that. Come on, I’ll show you where your first class is.”

\---

Taeyeon might have been short, and she may have felt a little lost on her first day, but when the final bell rang Monday afternoon, she at least felt confident about one thing: soccer. As she sat with the other girls going out for the team and laced up her cleats, Taeyeon relished in the familiarity of being back on a soccer field. If nothing else, she would have sports to get her through the year.

One of the other girls’ cleats suddenly caught her eye and she studied them absentmindedly while tying her own laces. They were electric blue with silver detailing on the sides – the updated version of the ones she’d been playing in for the past year. Taeyeon briefly admired the deep red and silver coloring on her own shoes before glancing back at the other pair, only to blush when she found their owner gazing back at her with mild amusement.

Taeyeon stumbled over her words as she tried to recall the other girl’s name and made a mental note to ask Sooyoung later.

“I – er – I like your cleats,” she offered with a sheepish smile.

The other girl smiled politely and thanked her. Taeyeon frowned a little when another dark-haired girl near them giggled at the exchange. She looked down in embarrassment and quickly finished tying up her laces. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the other two girls push themselves off the ground and sighed as she watched those blue cleats carry the girl over to where the coach was waiting. Taeyeon shook her head slightly to refocus as she got up and joined the group. She resolved to keep quiet for the rest of practice and just play.

Despite her determined effort to keep her head down for the two-hour try out, Taeyeon was all too aware of everyone’s eyes on her as she sprinted down the field deftly controlling the ball at her feet with ease. She flicked the ball around an oncoming defender and took another touch before ripping a shot from the top of the eighteen. She smiled with satisfaction as the ball sailed past the keeper’s outstretched arms and into the top left corner of the goal. Her team erupted into cheers behind her.

_“Who is this kid? That’s like the fifth time she’s scored.”_

_“I think her name’s Taeyeon. Sixth grader.”_

Someone whistled in disbelief when they realized how young she was, and Taeyeon just grinned and ducked her head modestly as a few of the older students offered her high-fives while jogging back to their side of the field. When she reached her spot at the bottom of the center circle, she stood with her hands on her hips and tried to catch her breath before they started up again.

Her team scored again twice before the coach blew the whistle and signaled that their first practice was over. He held Taeyeon back for several minutes to ask where she played club and patted her on the shoulder before sending her off after the rest of the group towards the locker rooms. By the time she got into the building, the other players had already cleared out for the most part, and Taeyeon let out a contented sigh as she strode into the girls’ locker room.

When she turned a corner to reach her locker, she found only one other person still sitting on a bench in the open space between the rows of gym lockers. It was the girl with the blue cleats from earlier. One of them sat in front of her on the bench while her fingers pulled at the laces on the other. Taeyeon gave her a polite smile, feeling awkward from their first encounter, and immediately set to opening her gym locker.

“You’re really good.”

Taeyeon glanced up as she popped her locker door open. “Thanks,” she answered lightly, watching as the other girl smiled at her before slipping her other cleat off. “I’ve been playing for…a long time.”

The other girl lined her cleats up on the surface of the bench in front of her but didn’t move to get up yet. “How long?” she asked in an amicable tone.

Taeyeon frowned thoughtfully while propping her foot up on the opposite end of the bench to untie her laces.

“Since I was four or five,” she answered.

“Wow. Do you play travel?”

“Yeah, I play club for my town’s team.”

The girl looked at her in surprise over her shoulder as she picked up her cleats and moved towards her own locker. “You’re not from Heights?”

Taeyeon shook her head. “I live in Centerton,” she explained.

“Oh…some of the guys in our grade live there too. Sooyoung used to live there I think,” the other girl commented absentmindedly, shutting her locker door.

“Sooyoung grew up across the street from me,” Taeyeon told her. “She’s the only person I know here actually.”

The other girl frowned a little, picked her backpack up off the floor, and stepped over to Taeyeon, who had finally slipped out of both her cleats and was bent over the bench picking them up. She held her hand out.

“Jessica.”

“What?” Taeyeon responded blankly as she straightened up, transferring her cleats to her locker.

“Taeyeon, right?” the girl checked. “I’m Jessica.”

Taeyeon moved back towards the bench to shake her outstretched hand. “Nice to meet you,” she replied with a smile.

Jessica matched the smile with one of her own and turned to leave. She glanced back at Taeyeon once more before heading out.

“Now you know two people here. See you tomorrow, Taeyeon.”

Taeyeon waved and then nodded to herself while she shut her gym locker and gathered her bags.

Maybe being the new kid wasn’t so terrible after all.

\---

She spent the first two lunch periods of the year in the library working on homework before Sooyoung finally called her out the third morning.

“I’m just trying to get everything done because I have soccer after school everyday now,” Taeyeon objected reasonably as they stood in the hallway.

Sooyoung just shook her head. “You’re sitting with us today,” she ordered firmly. “And I know Hyoyeon’s in your section so I already told her to make sure you don’t slip out early.”

Taeyeon frowned as she pushed her locker shut while Sooyoung winked at her and turned to leave for her first class.

“ _Sooyoung_.”

“See you at lunch!”

As expected, Hyoyeon appeared beside Taeyeon’s desk as the bell rang at the end of their last class before lunch. She didn’t say anything about Sooyoung, but smiled warmly at her and suggested that she come sit with them in the dining hall instead of hiding out in the library. Not wanting to be rude, Taeyeon acquiesced shyly and picked up her books to follow Hyoyeon.

When she finally sat down with the whole group at the lunch table, they were in the midst of a heated debate about who they thought was the most attractive member of the Jonas Brothers. Taeyeon sat quietly, listening with mild amusement as the rest of the girls continued bickering. She was about to take a bite of her sandwich when Jessica turned and asked her for her opinion on the subject. When she froze and looked up, Taeyeon recognized something more than a polite friendliness in the other girl’s tone. As all eyes turned towards her in eager anticipation, she noted the cool appraisal in Jessica’s eyes while she waited patiently for an answer. Inwardly, Taeyeon frowned.

_Was this some sort of test?_

Taeyeon’s eyes darted across the magazine the other girl had pushed out to the center of the table for her to look at and regarded it for a few seconds. She glanced at the caption with the boys’ names before answering.

“I guess I have to admit that objectively, Nick is the cutest,” she stated slowly, causing Jessica to smirk at the other girls triumphantly. _“But,_ ” Taeyeon continued, her eyes still on the picture, “Joe is definitely my favorite.”

The other girls nodded seriously and launched back into animated discussion as they pulled the magazine back and continued poring over its pages. When Taeyeon looked back across the table, Jessica was still watching her. The barest hint of a smile traced her lips after a moment and then she turned to quietly observe the other girls while picking at her own food. Taeyeon hid her grin and tucked into her sandwich.

If it _was_ a test, she was pretty sure she just passed.

\---

With the way Heights Academy’s rotating schedule was structured, Taeyeon didn’t have her first art class until the second week of school. So far she had been a little disappointed that Sooyoung didn’t have any majors with her, though she was beginning to talk to Hyoyeon more often. However, she knew that Sooyoung had music for her first quarter special, and remained a bit nervous as she stopped by her locker and then walked down alone to the art room immediately after lunch ended.

As though the gods had answered her prayers for just one person to sit with during next period, a short brunette strolled around the corner to the art room just as Taeyeon walked up. The girl smiled at her.

“You have art now?” she asked in a friendly tone.

Taeyeon nodded, trying to remember the girl’s name. She was in her section so they had all of their majors together, but they hadn’t really spoken at all.

“I’m Sunny by the way,” the girl said as if reading her mind. “You’re Taeyeon, right?”

Taeyeon nodded again and the two continued talking comfortably as they walked in and sat down at a table together.  Two minutes before class was about to begin, Jessica and Hyoyeon walked in chatting with two boys. All four of them glanced over when Sunny called out to one of the guys.

“ _Wooyoung!”_ she greeted loudly, waving him over.

He grinned and made his way over to them with his friend while Jessica and Hyoyeon chose to sit at a different table. They smiled at Taeyeon but said nothing as they passed by.  Sunny didn’t seem to notice them.

Taeyeon turned back as Wooyoung high-fived Sunny and sat down.

“Two years in a row in the same special,” he whooped, causing Sunny to laugh.

“Wooyoung, Henry,” she said, reaching out to place a hand on Taeyeon’s shoulder, “this is Taeyeon. She’s new, so be cool.”

They both grinned at her, and Henry’s eyes lit up in recognition.

“You’re that soccer player, right?” he questioned lightly.

Taeyeon smiled a little and nodded. “I play soccer, yeah.”

He whistled. “I hear you’re the only sixth grader on the A team – one of the other girls was telling me how good you are.”

The teacher walked in at that point and clapped her hands together at the front of the room for their attention, so Taeyeon just laughed in response and shook her head a bit.

“Hello everyone. For those of you that don’t know, my name is Mrs. Morgan. We’re just going to jump right into things today,” the teacher announced. “So get some smocks on, grab some paintbrushes, and partner up. I’ll lay out paper and paint on your desks for you. And only two to a table – you’ll need some space for this.”

Everyone jumped up before she was done talking and began rummaging around the room for the different supplies she had listed. Sunny and Taeyeon beat Wooyoung and Henry back to their table so the two boys moved to the one across from them after minimal debate.

“This should be an easy and fun project to start us off,” Mrs. Morgan told them, moving around placing paper and paint on all of the tables. “I’m going to put on different songs, and all you have to do is cover your papers with paint based off the emotion you hear from the song.”

Taeyeon and Sunny glanced at each other with raised eyebrows. Seemed easy enough.

“One rule before we begin,” she added, striding over to dim the lights in the studio before turning on the first song. “There is absolutely no talking.”

The no talking rule proved to be rather difficult, and amidst all the paint splattering going on giggles could be heard between beats in the music as people covered their papers _and_ their partners in various colors. They switched partners several times; Hyoyeon ran over to her for the fourth rotation. When they were finished, Taeyeon was happy she had a smock on. Hyoyeon’s hands were slathered in bright green paint, and while Taeyeon managed to sidestep her requests for high-fives, there was still a considerable amount of yellow paint splattered on her front.

“Last one,” Mrs. Morgan said. “Find a new partner!”

Taeyeon frowned as Hyoyeon bounced away from her easily in search of another classmate. She had already worked with Sunny, Henry, and Wooyoung; she still didn’t really know the rest of the class. Maybe if she just stayed where she was then someone would eventually come over because there was no one else left to ask. _Right? What if she somehow ended up alone? There wasn’t an odd number of students…was there?_ Her eyes widened and she quickly looked around to take count, but stopped short when she found Jessica standing behind her.

“Wanna be my partner?”

Stifling the urge to let out a sigh of relief, Taeyeon smiled at her and nodded, turning back to the table as Jessica moved to stand beside her. They didn’t have time to exchange any other words; Mrs. Morgan switched on the music after a second and told them all to begin.

The song was drastically different from its predecessor – it was low, fast, and sharp. A sinister bass line drove the song through its verses while the singer’s raw voice struggled over steady guitars. Taeyeon and Jessica only shared a brief glance before reaching for the tubes of red and black paint. Taeyeon dragged a thick brush of black paint in haphazard stokes across the center of the paper while Jessica used her paintbrush to splatter the red paint at random intervals. Unlike the rest of their classmates, they worked wordlessly without muffled chuckles or whispers. As Jessica continued with the red paint, Taeyeon drew back and studied the paper for a moment. She frowned. Something was missing.

She glanced around the table and nudged Jessica, who paused her actions to look up questioningly. Still not speaking, Taeyeon pointed to the bottle of blue paint on her other side. Jessica furrowed her brows for a moment, but nodded and handed Taeyeon the red brush while she reached for the blue paint.

She had some trouble opening the bottle, and Taeyeon was about to offer to take it from her when the cap flipped open with a snap. They both froze as a bit of paint flew out and sprayed her face with blue flecks. After a second, Jessica turned to glance at her in surprise and Taeyeon had to bite down on her lip to keep from laughing. Her shoulders shook though, and Jessica scowled at her before tipping the bottle upside down onto their shared palette. Taeyeon went back to shaking red droplets of paint over the paper, but couldn’t hold back an amused smile.

Without warning, Jessica reached over and lightly swiped her now-wet paintbrush down Taeyeon’s cheek. Taeyeon stiffened. She brought a tentative hand to her face and came away with a blue fingertip. She glanced at Jessica, who had returned her attention to their paper and was dabbing at it nonchalantly as though nothing had happened.

As the song came to a close, the two of them remained quiet while Mrs. Morgan moved around the room asking the different pairs about their respective paintings. Taeyeon snorted when she heard Hyoyeon inform the teacher that she and Henry had decided to use red, orange, and yellow, because those colors went well together. They chose not to comment on any relevance to the song and smiled politely as Mrs. Morgan just shook her head and moved on.

“Red and black,” she remarked when she reach Taeyeon and Jessica.

They nodded.

“Explain it to me.”

“It was a dark and angry song,” Jessica started.

“And black is dark,” Taeyeon quipped, drawing laughs from the other two.

"The red symbolizes anger,” Jessica added, shaking her head a little at Taeyeon’s joke.

“Looks like blood,” Mrs. Morgan responded in a morbid voice, winking at them lightly. She bobbed her head and regarded the painting thoughtfully for a few more seconds.

“What about the blue?” she asked, looking back up at them.

“Sadness,” Jessica supplied. “Taeyeon thought of it.”

Inwardly Taeyeon wondered how Jessica knew what she had intended when she had originally sought out the blue paint, but kept her face neutral. Mrs. Morgan raised an eyebrow, seemingly impressed by the decision.

“Why? You told me it was an angry song,” she challenged.

“It was,” Taeyeon agreed. “But I don’t think the two are mutually exclusive.”

Both the teacher and Jessica glanced at her in mild surprise. Taeyeon smiled back, trying not to feel self-conscious.

The teacher glanced between them and then back down at their painting before nodding. “Good work,” she complimented finally.

Taeyeon and Jessica thanked her quietly as she began moving away.

“By the way, it appears some of the paint missed the canvas,” she mentioned airily, gesturing towards their faces.

Taeyeon feigned surprise and Jessica looked down to hide her smile. They didn’t look at each other until Mrs. Morgan had moved across the room to talk to two other people.

Jessica let out a giggle as she turned towards Taeyeon. “Yours is definitely worse,” she commented.

“Wait, I have paint on my face?” Taeyeon asked back jokingly while heading towards the sink for paper towels, causing Jessica to laugh and shake her head.

When she returned to the table, she handed Jessica one of the damp paper towels she had retrieved and wiped at her own face to remove the paint.

“You know,” she pointed out, “I’m not the one who opened a bottle of paint on myself.”

Jessica bumped her with her elbow. “You know, I thought you were this shy new kid.”

“I guess I was lulling you into a false sense of security,” Taeyeon responded with a grin.

Jessica just laughed and used her own paper towel to wipe off a bit of paint near Taeyeon’s jaw that she had missed. The movement caught Taeyeon off-guard, but she didn’t say anything.

“You’re something else, Taeyeon Kim.”


	2. Chapter 2

Taeyeon dropped her pen with a heavy sigh and pressed her fingers to her temples. Notebooks and pages thick with purple ink were strewn about her bed, the messy results from nearly an entire day of writing. She frowned and propped her chin up on the palm of her hand. Even after hours of self-imposed solitude with nothing but a few pens and her ever-growing collection of notebooks, she felt as though she had made barely any progress in this new project of hers. There was still so much that she had to remember and record, so much work to be done – and that was on top of putting her recently completed novel through final edits. And in between the final editing and the new writing she still had those three thick volumes regarding publication that she had to finish reading and annotating. _And on top of all that –_

Her phone vibrated somewhere beneath her pile of notebooks.

Sighing a little, she pushed herself forward to shift the controlled chaos on her bed around in an effort to find her buzzing phone. When she finally located it, Taeyeon just stared at the caller ID for a few moments before letting it go to voicemail. She laid back against her pillow and waited.

The phone buzzed once more. A text message this time.

_Stop letting all of my calls go to voicemail every time!_

Sooyoung.

Taeyeon smiled ruefully and quickly typed out a response. _You know I don’t like talking on the phone. Why do you even bother anymore?_

_Idk how you think you’re going to survive in the office when you finally get out of school._

Taeyeon smirked. _Easy. I’m not going to be in an office, remember?_

_Right. Remember me when you’re a famous novelist. Are you coming to lunch tomorrow with us after practice?_

A minute or so passed before Taeyeon sent back a reply.

_Idk, I still have a lot of writing to do…_

_Nice try lol, you told me you finished your novel a month ago and were only editing now._

_Yeah and I’m almost done final edits! Plus I just started writing something else._

_You totally spent the entire day writing today, which is why you’re not at Sunny’s house with us right now. Would it kill you to come to lunch? You barely left your house this summer._

Taeyeon scoffed and shook her head at her phone. _Yeah, because you know, I was working on that really important novel we were just talking about?_

_-_____- I’ll show up at the fields and drag you there._

_Soo, if you miss me that much you can just say so._

_Ur rly funny omg. See you at lunch. Yuri needs a ride btw she says thanks in advance. Good luck at preseason tomorrow captain kim._

Taeyeon didn’t bother sending a response and tossed her phone onto her nightstand carelessly. Tiredly, she started picking up her notebooks and organizing the pages. _And on top of all that – senior year._ Tests. Essays. Applications. College. She groaned when she realized she hadn’t even started her summer work yet.

\---

“Tell me again why you couldn’t just ride with Tiffany?” Taeyeon asked, watching the aforementioned girl’s pink sports car speed out of the parking lot.

Yuri followed her gaze while she buckled her seatbelt. “See this is why you need to go out more – if you had been at the last party you would get it,” she replied matter-of-factly.

“Well I wasn’t there so just tell me now.”

“We may have hooked up…” Yuri started, pointedly fiddling with the radio as Taeyeon reversed out of her spot.

As she braked to shift back into drive, Taeyeon paused and glanced at Yuri with raised eyebrows. “May have?” she repeated.

“Or definitely did.”

Taeyeon blinked for a few seconds before shrugging and driving out of the parking lot to exit campus.

“So? You were both drunk, right? I’m sure it’s happened to other people before once or twice.”

“Well yeah,” Yuri answered, leaning back in her seat after having settled on a radio station. “Once or _twice_ …”

They came to a red light at the corner where the campus drive emptied out onto Main Street and shared another look.

“ _Twice?_ ” Taeyeon asked.

“Um, try three or four times,” Yuri corrected placidly.

Taeyeon stared at her for a moment before the light changed and she had to return her attention to the road. A minute or two passed before she started chuckling. Yuri glared at her.

“What’s so funny?” she demanded, crossing her arms over her chest.

“Nothing. I just can’t wait to see how this plays out at lunch.”

Yuri punched her firmly in the shoulder, but a smile crept up her features as she shook her head.

Taeyeon winced and slapped back at her blindly while keeping her eyes on the road. “Excuse me, I’m driving and that was _supremely_ unsafe,” she informed Yuri in a supercilious tone.

“Shut up, you don’t even have both hands on the wheel you weirdo,” Yuri shot back.

“I’ll make you walk the rest of the way to the diner,” Taeyeon warned, but placed her second hand back on the wheel nevertheless.

“Sure you would.”

“You’re right – I wouldn’t. But I _would_ rig the seating arrangement so that you end up near Tiffany during lunch,” Taeyeon responded teasingly.

Yuri scowled at her. “Stop the car, I wanna get out now.”

Taeyeon just laughed. This time Yuri waited until they were at a red light to hit her.

\---

Lunch started out comfortably enough; Taeyeon had slid into the seat next to Sooyoung, leaving Yuri to glare at her as she was forced to remain at the end of the table beside Tiffany. As the group lapsed into relative silence while they all took a few minutes to decide what to eat, the rest of the table eyed the pair mischievously over the tops of their menus and shared amused glances among themselves. Tiffany appeared not to notice, though Yuri threw several dark looks in their direction.

Once the food came out, they all fell back into their usual banter, and for a while, Taeyeon had to admit that she had missed them. She looked around the table, wondering why she had been reluctant to come with them in the first place.

And then she took her pen out.

She didn’t notice that it had gotten significantly quieter until she ran out of space on her napkin and had glanced up to see if she could swipe Sooyoung’s for the rest of her scribbles.

Taeyeon smiled awkwardly as her friends all watched her calmly. She knew that they were clearly trying to mess with her, but that didn’t keep her from self-consciously sliding the napkin off the table and onto her lap.

“Sorry, I just…remembered something and I didn’t want to forget it again later when I go to write,” she offered sheepishly, folding the napkin over several times and tucking it into the hem of her athletic shorts.

“Yeah, cause you’re _super_ artsy now right, Taeng?”

Taeyeon looked up across the table where Jonghyun was smirking at her and pretended to giggle, but stepped on his toes forcefully under the table. He yelped and her laughter turned genuine. Beside Jonghyun, Henry shook his head at both of them. Still, the others’ teasing kept up.

“She’s already been getting a jump on being a hermit for a living,” Sunny quipped from the opposite end of the table.

Yoona laughed and nodded along. “That must have been why she didn’t hang out with us at all this summer.”

“Nah,” Sooyoung disagreed dryly, “she’s just anti-social.”

Taeyeon scowled at her, but didn’t have time to retort as Wooyoung added his voice to the taunts.

“She’s practicing so she can be like that guy whose book we read freshman year – J.D. Salisbury or whatever,” he joked, prompting another round of sniggering from the table.

Taeyeon rolled her eyes. “It’s _Salinger_ , and no, I’m not going to become a recluse and –”

“Hey remember when you guys dated?” Tiffany suddenly piped up.

That quieted both Taeyeon and Wooyoung while the rest of them burst into raucous laughter. Taeyeon sighed a little. It had only been for two months at the end of their freshman year, and yet her friends were still making fun of her.

“Oh yeah,” Yuri mentioned, pleased to have a chance to get back at Taeyeon. “And who can forget the time we saw them kiss goodbye after dinner at that Chinese place down the street?”

Wooyoung frowned sympathetically at Taeyeon, who buried her face in her hands while Sooyoung clapped her on the back and erupted into boisterous hoots of laughter with Sunny and Yoona.

“Remember that time you two hooked up?” Wooyoung finally shot back after a minute. “Or should I say _those times_?”

That wiped the smirk off Yuri’s face immediately, but Tiffany just kept smiling patronizingly at him, refusing to give in.

“Don’t change the subject,” she told him sweetly.

_“Don’t avoid the question,”_ Taeyeon retorted, regaining her composure and straightening up in her seat once more. Her words came out perhaps a little too harshly, much harder than she had intended for them to sound, even if it reflected her inner annoyance, and Tiffany glanced at her in surprise.

“We were just joking Taeyeon, chill,” she responded hastily, waving a placating hand at her.

The waitress saved them all from any potential awkwardness by choosing that moment to inquire if anyone wanted dessert. Just like that, the conversation was dropped and forgotten as everyone began talking over one another about what to order. Taeyeon slipped away to the bathroom while everyone was still occupied with their menus. A summer apart from them and she already needed space again. She sighed at herself in the mirror above the sink. Sometimes she thought she needed new friends. Through the door, she could hear them laughing at something new.

Other times she thought she was the problem.

\---

“Thanks for driving me home,” Yuri mumbled. She unbuckled her seatbelt, but didn’t move to get out yet.

Taeyeon shrugged. “Don’t worry about it.”

Yuri bobbed her head up and down for a few seconds before drawing a slight breath and turning in her seat to face Taeyeon.

“You know we really were just joking around earlier, right?”

“Yeah, of course,” Taeyeon returned with a confused smile.

“So you’re okay?” Yuri checked. “I know how important writing is to you – we all do for the most part, even though we pick on you about it a lot.”

Taeyeon waved her off. “It’s fine Yuri, seriously. I just…”

She trailed off and gazed steadily at a point on her windshield. Yuri remained quiet beside her, waiting patiently for her to continue.

“I just get tired sometimes. Like you love being out with people and I just _can’t._ I need time to myself every once in awhile,” Taeyeon explained.

“You had the whole summer!” Yuri exclaimed exasperatedly, prompting Taeyeon to chuckle and nod.

“Yeah, that’s true,” Taeyeon agreed. “I guess that means it’s just you guys then.”

Yuri rolled her eyes and finally pushed the passenger door open. “Yeah, you’re fine,” she deadpanned as she got out.

Taeyeon rolled the window down while Yuri shut the door and leaned back in to examine her seriously for several seconds.

“You know it’s okay to get sick of us sometimes right?”

Taeyeon frowned a little and just blinked in response.

“Friends fight, right?” Yuri clarified.

There was a pause, and Taeyeon glanced away before nodding once. She waved to Yuri and shifted out of park. Yuri straightened and stepped back so Taeyeon could put the window up again. Taeyeon didn’t reply until the window was nearly closed, and when she did, it was barely above a whisper.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess they do.”


	3. Chapter 3

Taeyeon burst into the dining hall with an easy grin, happy to find her friends and spend a few hours after school without the worry of homework hanging over her head. The most successful soccer season Heights Academy’s middle school team had seen in recent history had ended three weeks ago, and while she had initially felt a little lost without practices or games in the evening everyday, Taeyeon had come to enjoy the extra time she had with her classmates after school. They mostly dropped their backpacks off at the dining hall tables before heading back out into the quad where they would play run the bases or wall ball to make the most of their time before winter’s frigid temperatures finally found their footing and drove them all indoors for several long months.

She politely waved hello to Mrs. O'Hara, the woman who supervised the after school program, and turned right to head to her and her friends’ usual table in the corner. Her stride faltered a bit when she realized that something was off. Someone was missing. Henry flashed her a grin that she returned distractedly as she tossed her backpack in one of the chairs and scanned the room.

“Where’s Jessica?”

Henry shrugged. Taeyeon looked to the others at the table for an answer to her query, but Wooyoung, Jonghyun, and Onew all shook their heads as well.

When they all headed outside with a few of the other students, Taeyeon peeled off from the group and headed towards the main building. Wooyoung noticed and called out to her.

“Taeng, where are you going?” he asked.

“Forgot something in my locker,” she replied over her shoulder.

He nodded and turned away to join the rest of the kids playing on the grass while Taeyeon quietly slipped through the main lobby and jogged up the stairwell to the side entrance of the library. She weaved among the bookshelves and checked all of the study tables, but to no avail. Given that it was a Friday, the library was nearly empty; Taeyeon couldn’t even find the librarians in their offices to ask if they had seen Jessica at all. Frowning, she walked out through the front and into the middle school hallway. It was deserted. As she made her way to the main staircase she tried to remember if Jessica had said anything about not being after school for once. She realized that they actually hadn’t talked at all during the day.

With nowhere else left to look, she decided to check down by where the gyms and locker rooms were. She had peeked in nearly all of the middle school classrooms, poked her head into all of the girls’ bathrooms, and searched through all of the hallways, but everything was empty. After weeks of remaining after school with her everyday, there was no reason Jessica wouldn’t be there today too. Surely she would have said something. Taeyeon was so deep in thought that she almost didn’t notice someone else walking up the staircase in the opposite direction until she nearly ran into her.

Taeyeon stopped mid-step, her left foot still poised in the air, and blinked as she came back to reality. She opened her mouth to mumble an apology when she realized it was Jessica standing in front of her.

“I was looking for you!” Taeyeon blurted instead.

“Why?”

Taeyeon furrowed her eyebrows at the response, unsure of how to react. “Er, well because you weren’t in the dining hall…and you usually are so I didn’t know if something was wrong. I wanted to see if you were okay, I guess,” she offered slowly.

“I’m fine,” Jessica muttered, not quite meeting her eyes.

She moved to continue up the stairs but Taeyeon stepped over and blocked her path, a frown evident on her features now.

“You don’t seem fine,” she countered.

“Glad you finally noticed,” Jessica retorted in a low voice, attempting to bypass her again.

“Wait, what?” Taeyeon responded confusedly. She held her hands out, forcing Jessica to stop once more. “Are you mad at me?”

“ _Yes…_ no. I don’t know. I – I’m frustrated with you? Not with _you._ I –”

Seeing that Jessica was clearly getting worked up, Taeyeon walked down to the landing at the bottom of steps and pulled her along so they could sit down and talk.

“What is it?” Taeyeon prompted gently. “You can just tell me.”

“I…I don’t like your friends.”

“Okay…”

“I promise I’m not being weird,” Jessica added quickly. “They don’t like me either; actually I don’t know how you haven’t seen it yet.”

Taeyeon paused before replying, recalling how Tiffany had completely ignored Jessica and the rest of the lunch table as she and Taeyeon had walked by earlier that day. She remembered how she had sent the group of them a friendly grin in passing, but had only been answered with stiff smiles and quiet nods. Remembered how Jessica and Hyoyeon had behaved in nearly the exact same manner during their first art class when they saw her sitting with Sunny. She grimaced inwardly. She should have recognized that something was off.

“And I don’t want you to stop being friends with them because that would be silly, but –”

“Hold on,” Taeyeon interrupted suddenly. “Why don’t they like you?”

Jessica smiled wryly. “It’s mostly just Tiffany really. We used to be best friends.”

Taeyeon’s eyebrows went up in surprise. “But Tiffany seems so friendly!”

“Yeah, _seems_ friendly.”

“She’s nice to me…” Taeyeon mumbled.

Jessica shook her head a little and smiled. “That’s because _everyone_ is nice to you. People love you.”

“What? Nuh-uh.”

“See, you don’t even realize! That’s why everybody likes you,” Jessica explained with a laugh.

“Because I’m oblivious?” Taeyeon questioned blankly.

“Stop with your big words,” Jessica responded mildly. “But yeah, me and Tiffany used to be best friends, and then Yuri came in fourth grade and since she was new I started talking to her because she didn’t know anyone, and we got to be pretty good friends too. I don’t know why, but Tiffany got really mad and acted like I had decided I didn’t want to be friends with her – _which wasn’t true_ – and then somehow managed to kick me out of our larger group of friends.”

“Sunny, Yoona, all those girls?” Taeyeon supplied.

“Yep.”

Taeyeon looked away for a moment, brows furrowing a little in thought. “But so you don’t want me to hang out with them now?” she asked, unable to keep the slight note of accusation out of her voice. “You’re mad because I’m becoming friends with them?”

“No, no,” Jessica answered hurriedly, “because that would be –”

“Hypocritical.”

“Taeyeon, please.”

“It means when you –”

“ _Not that_ – I know what hypocritical means,” Jessica said hastily.

“Yet you think ‘oblivious’ is a big word,” Taeyeon muttered under her breath.

Jessica sighed and turned towards her more as she tried to collect her thoughts. Taeyeon waited quietly.

“I’m not mad at you,” she started slowly after a minute. “I was just…upset because you make friends so easily – which is great because people _should_ love you – but I knew this was going to happen and that ‘the crew’ or whatever they call themselves now was going to notice you. And Tiffany’s just such a bi–”

“ _Hey,”_ Taeyeon cut in warningly.

“A very not nice person,” Jessica corrected. “Really though Taeyeon, it’s not completely about me, like she’s just genuinely a mean person.”

“Okay.”

“And that’s fine if you want to be friends with her, but I don’t want you to…” she trailed off uncertainly and glanced away.

“I’m not going to turn into her,” Taeyeon told her.

“No, I know that,” Jessica said, shaking her head. “I just don’t want her to get you to hate me too.”

Taeyeon’s face softened in understanding as Jessica glanced down at her shoes self-consciously. She nudged her lightly with her elbow to get her to look back up.

“I promise I’ll never hate you,” Taeyeon murmured firmly.

Jessica smiled a little and held her pinky out in response. Taeyeon regarded it in amusement for a moment, but hooked hers through it nevertheless. They shook their linked fingers a bit, but when Taeyeon went to pull away, Jessica held out a hand to stop her.

“What are you doing?” she demanded in a serious tone.

Taeyeon blinked at her. “Pinky promise…right?”

_“You have to seal it though!”_

“Oh. I’ve never actually doneone of these. Sorry, continue.”

“Well,” Jessica pressed on matter-of-factly, “you always seal pinky promises with a kiss.”

_“What?”_

“Not a real kiss, dummy,” Jessica reassured her with a giggle. “With your giant vocabulary you’d think you’d be better at this stuff.”

“To be fair, most of my friends were guys when I was growing up.” Taeyeon informed her.

“That explains so much.”

“Yeah. Wait _– what is that supposed to mean?”_

Jessica ignored her and instead demonstrated how to seal the pinky promise by pulling their linked fingers closer and pressing her lips to the side of her own hand. She nodded for Taeyeon to do the same afterwards. Satisfied that it was completed properly, Jessica stood and pulled Taeyeon to her feet as well. They descended the last few steps and turned the corner to head past the locker rooms and down the corridor towards the art room so that they could take one of the side exits that would let them out right onto the quad behind the dining hall.

“So why did you come looking for me anyway?” Jessica inquired after awhile.

Taeyeon shrugged. “Well we hadn’t talked all day, and I had counted on you being after school, but you weren’t in the dining hall…I guess after these past few weeks I just got used to you always being there. Plus hanging out with _only_ the guys isn’t as fun.”

There was a beat of silence, but when Taeyeon glanced over at her, Jessica was smiling to herself. They walked a few more feet without speaking. Just as Jessica looked up and started as though she was going to say something, a stern voice cut through the air behind them.

“ _Miss Jung and Miss Kim, I believe you both know that you are not supposed to be in the main building without supervision_ _after three forty-five.”_

They both froze and slowly turned around. The dean of the middle school stood several yards behind them. He beckoned them forward with an austere expression.

“Where are you supposed to be after school?”

“In the library, in the dining hall, or out by the quad as long as Mrs. O’Hara can see us,” they recited in unison.

“May I ask why you’re not in any of those locations?”

“I’m sorry, Mr. Washington,” Taeyeon apologized before Jessica could say anything. “I have a soccer game this weekend and forgot to get my cleats from my gym locker earlier, so I asked Jessica to come with me to get them.”

“Did you tell Mrs. O’Hara that?”

“No sir,” Taeyeon mumbled, looking down at her feet.

He sighed and shook his head a little. “I’m sure if you had explained that to her that she would have let you come inside quickly to get them. You know better Miss Kim, I’m disappointed.”

Taeyeon just nodded glumly.

“Oh, Tae – _Mr. Washington it’s really my fault_ ,” Jessica finally interjected, ignoring Taeyeon’s pointed attempts to silence her.

He raised his eyebrows at the outburst, but said nothing as she continued on.

“I had been upset so I went down to the locker rooms to get away from everyone, but Taeyeon noticed that I was missing and came looking for me. She was just trying to make sure I was okay,” Jessica told him honestly.

“Is this true?” he questioned Taeyeon, who only nodded again.

“Please don’t be mad at her for lying either – she was only trying to keep me from getting in trouble,” Jessica begged.

“And I do actually have a soccer game this weekend,” Taeyeon added hopefully.

He held out his hands, clearly trying to suppress a smile as he gestured for them to be quiet.

“I see. Well since Miss Kim was just being a good friend and you were honest with me, Miss Jung, I’ll let you off with a warning. However, you two usually know better,” he stated firmly.

“It won’t happen again, sir!”

“Good. Now hurry straight back to the dining hall so Mrs. O’Hara doesn’t start to worry.”

The duo nodded dutifully and turned back around to head for the exit by the art room once more, but stopped when Mr. Washington called out to them again.

“Oh and Miss Kim?”

Taeyeon spun back around. “Yes sir?”

“Good luck with the game this weekend.”

“Thank you Mr. Washington,” Taeyeon returned with a grin.

As they walked away, Jessica looked at Taeyeon quizzically. “I thought your travel season ended a week after the school season did.”

“It did. Indoor starts this weekend though.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you wore cleats for indoor.”

Taeyeon let out a laugh. “You don’t.”

\---

When they walked back up to the dining hall, Jessica’s mom was parked on the other side of the school driveway waiting for her. Taeyeon looked down and shuffled her feet a bit as they stopped by the curb.

“I’m sorry we didn’t get to hang out today,” she apologized in a small voice.

Jessica shook her head and smiled slightly. “No, it’s my fault too,” she said. “I wasted all of our time after school being stupid.”

“You’re not stupid,” Taeyeon responded automatically.

“It’s okay to admit it. I am sometimes.”

Taeyeon still didn’t look convinced, and she only answered by stating, “We all are sometimes.”

Jessica nodded once. She glanced at her mom’s parked car but didn’t move towards it yet. They teetered there on the curb for a few seconds, still feeling remnants of the awkwardness from their earlier argument. Finally, Taeyeon simply gave her a tiny smile and waved goodbye before turning to walk back into the dining hall alone. She only made it several feet before someone crashed into her from behind, arms engulfing her in a tight hug.

Taeyeon stumbled a little as she struggled to keep them both upright, but laughed as she did so; she didn’t have to look to know it was still Jessica.

“You’re such an awkward hugger,” Jessica commented dryly as Taeyeon reached up to pat the hands clasped around her front.

“I don’t know if you noticed, but you kind of have my arms pinned right now, so I can’t really do much else,” Taeyeon pointed out.

“So if I let go you’d actually give me a real hug?”

“Probably not – you know I don’t like hugging and stuff.”

“And stuff,” Jessica repeated with a chuckle. “You’re an idiot.”

_“Excuse me,”_ Taeyeon began with feigned offense, “did you only come back over here to mock me?”

Jessica didn’t answer right away, but she silently shook her head ‘no’ against Taeyeon’s back.

“Thanks for coming to find me earlier, Taengoo,” she murmured after a beat.

She finally let go, allowing Taeyeon to turn around and face her with a small but genuine smile.

“Anytime, Sica.”

Jessica giggled at their exchanging of nicknames and stepped forward to pull her into another brief embrace. Though her hands were free this time, she was caught off guard and even when she registered the contact, Taeyeon left her own arms dangling uncertainly at her sides.

“Yeah, we’re gonna work on the hugging thing,” Jessica teased as she pulled back.

“I don’t know about that,” Taeyeon disagreed. “You kind of hand out hugs like they’re free candy so I think you can just have us both covered.”

Jessica shook her head as she retreated across the sidewalk towards the curb. “You wish. Bye Taengoo!” she called before jogging over to her mom’s waiting car.

And just like that, they were okay. They seemed okay. As Taeyeon grinned and waved goodbye, she felt for a moment that this first argument would also be their last, that they had simply needed to get it out of their systems, and now that they had, they were done fighting with each other for good.

She would realize later, of course, how foolish she was for thinking that.

\---

When someone asked her years later, Taeyeon simply said that they just fought on and off about dumb non-issues that, to a pair of middle school girls, had always seemed like the end of the world at the time.

She didn’t know if that was completely true.

She could remember a lot of things from their first year together, but even then she knew her memory had left out so many details. She knew they were there, she just didn’t know what they were.

She could remember frequent moments of them falling together. Jessica insisting on sharing a seat one time after school instead of attempting to wedge another chair around the already crowded table (and then resting her head comfortably on Taeyeon’s back while they talked). Laughing at their mutual inability to construct a simple box during their woodshop elective. Cheering each other on during soccer games and grinning slyly if they made eye contact from across the sideline. Jessica sliding Taeyeon’s phone out of her pocket one afternoon to enter her number into the contacts before nonchalantly returning it to its place (and the constant texting that followed). Leaning against each other, near tears, as Hyoyeon and Sooyoung shoved chopsticks in their mouths and pretended to be walruses, sending the entire lunch table into howls of laughter. Playfully competing with one another during gym class, bumping shoulders as they swapped innocuous taunts. Remembered wondering at how well they fit together.

She could remember punctuated instances of them falling apart. Jessica pointedly getting up and walking away after school once when Sunny came over and engaged Taeyeon in conversation about their health project. Purposely sitting on opposite sides of the room during their music elective. Yoona and Wooyoung leading the charge onto the field when she scored a last second goal against Heights’ travel team and propelled Centerton’s club team to first place, unconsciously searching the crowd and then ignoring her disappointment when she couldn’t spot Jessica in the excitement (who had remained on the sidelines, watching Taeyeon’s success unfold from a distance).  Jessica sighing in annoyance one morning in the hallway when she noticed Taeyeon chuckling at a text from Tiffany (and then subsequently missing Taeyeon’s frown while she giggled at something Yuri said). Quietly sneaking glares at each other while the rest of the lunch table sat blissfully unaware of their recent argument. Jessica stalking out of the gym after class ended one time, brushing past her shoulder as they hissed angry words at one another. Remembered realizing that they had grown apart.

By the end of sixth grade, things between them and others had shifted. Their relationship could only be described as carefully amicable at best while they gravitated towards different groups. Almost as quickly as they had connected, they had separated. It was the first time, but not the last that they would fluctuate in that way. Neither of them knew that at the time though, and so they danced carefully around the remaining sparks of their earlier friendship, avoiding ending up alone together, not standing near one another in groups, determinedly restraining their laughter at the opposite’s remarks, watching the other attempt to replace her friendship with someone else’s, (and watching her fail). Holding each other at arm’s length. 


	4. Chapter 4

A loud and persistent pounding on the front door interrupted her thought process as she read over her last paragraph. Exhaling in annoyance, she found the remote to the stereo and turned the volume up, hoping to drown out the knocking. She closed her eyes briefly and refocused on the pages in front of her.

Her phone rang.

She sighed, glanced at the caller ID, and got up from the table. As she passed the stereo, she paused to turn her iPod off before continuing down the steps to the front door.

_“What do you want?”_ she demanded irritably when she finally opened the door.

“Nice to see you too, sunshine.”

Taeyeon glared at Sooyoung, who was standing beside Yuri leaning against the doorframe.

“I’m in the middle of writing,” Taeyeon explained bluntly.

“Aren’t you always,” Yuri retorted. She didn’t wait for a response and strode by Taeyeon upstairs into the apartment with Sooyoung following close behind.

“By all means,” Taeyeon remarked dryly, “come on in.”

“Don’t mind if we do.”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes and shut the front door. “You never answered my question,” she called out as she trudged up the stairs after them.

“Come drive around with us,” Sooyoung replied lightly, plopping down on the couch.

Yuri wandered around the living room, poking at Taeyeon’s iPod for a moment before moving towards the kitchen. Taeyeon watched her progress warily for a few seconds before addressing Sooyoung.

“Where are you guys going?”

Sooyoung shrugged. “Not sure. That’s the fun part.”

“I don’t know, I’m kind of on a roll right now,” Taeyeon told her uncertainly, gesturing to her stack of notebooks on the table.

“With your erotic novel, you mean?” Yuri joked, having returned from the kitchen with an apple.

_“No.”_

“Yeah come on, Yuri,” Sooyoung reprimanded while Taeyeon scowled, “I told you she finished that one months ago, remember?”

“Oh that’s right – my bad,” Yuri laughed. “You’re working on something else now, but won’t tell us…”

Simultaneously, she and Taeyeon glanced over at the open notebook resting on the tabletop. Yuri looked back up at her briefly, smirking, and then quickly lunged for the notebook before Taeyeon could stop her.

_“She didn’t know if that was true,”_ Yuri read in a dramatic tone, holding the notebook up out of Taeyeon’s reach. She glanced nonchalantly at Sooyoung, pretending not to notice Taeyeon’s protests. “I’m going to go ahead and place my bet on murder mystery this time around.”

Sooyoung frowned thoughtfully for a moment, but shook her head. “I’m still going with romance novel,” she decided.

“Well maybe another sentence or two will give us some idea,” Yuri said, turning back towards the notebook with a grin.

_“Yuri, don’t.”_

She stopped and looked back at Taeyeon in surprise.

“Give it back to her,” Sooyoung told Yuri, all traces of mirth gone from her voice.

Yuri obliged and flipped the cover shut in a fluid motion, purposely taking care to not glance at the pages as she handed it back to Taeyeon.

“I’m only doing it because I know you’re a good writer,” she remarked seriously. “And you never let us read anything.”

Taeyeon swallowed and turned away from her to place the notebook back down on the table. “You know how I am with my writing,” she answered quietly.

“We can read it when it’s published,” Sooyoung supplied. “We know.”

She could only nod in response as she tried to steady her panicked heartbeat. Relief washed over her; if Yuri had managed to read any further down the page she would have been in for a very long conversation with the two of them. She chose not to inform Sooyoung that this new piece of writing she was working on was not something she would ever attempt to have published. This one they could never read. It wasn’t anything like her other novel, the one she had finished over the summer. It was intensely personal, something she was only writing for herself. Well, herself and one other person. It was for _her_ too, in a way. Not that it mattered now.

Taeyeon shut down that train of thought before it went any further. She pressed her eyes closed for a moment, reminding herself that Sooyoung and Yuri were still there watching.

“So are you coming with us?” Sooyoung asked again.

“I don’t think so.”

“Why not?” Yuri exclaimed exasperatedly. “Even your dad went out on his Friday night – he knows what’s up.”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes. “He went to a barbecue at his friend’s house with a bunch of other old guys he grew up with to just sit around and talk all night. What’s so great about that?”

“Well it’s better than sitting home alone,” Yuri returned.

“There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be alone sometimes,” Taeyeon responded defensively.

“You want to be alone _all the time.”_

_“That’s not true.”_

“When’s the last time you went out with us?”

“We went out to lunch after preseason!”

Yuri rolled her eyes. “That was like a month and half ago.”

Taeyeon opened her mouth to continue debating but Sooyoung finally cut her off and put an end to their argument.

“Chill out both of you,” she ordered. “Tae, if you don’t want to go out with us tonight, that’s fine. _Lame,_ because I want you to hang out with us, but fine.”

Taeyeon nodded quietly.

“But you are going to come to Sunny’s this Sunday, right?” Sooyoung continued hopefully.

Taeyeon frowned. “Uh, don’t we have school the next day?”

“Parent-teacher conferences,” Yuri reminded her. “We have off.”

“Which means you have no excuse to not show up and party hard,” Sooyoung added with a triumphant smile.

When Taeyeon hesitated, Yuri stepped closer and shook her by the shoulders slightly.

“Come on, it’s senior year!” she entreated.

“Yuri’s right,” Sooyoung agreed. “You can’t forget to have some fun this year – it’s your last chance with all of us.”

“These are our golden years, Taeng, we can’t waste them!” Yuri exclaimed, emphasizing her words by shaking her shoulders again. “Because then we get old and our metabolisms slow down and it’s sad because we can’t eat a lot of food like we used to and then we have to work and sit in boring cubicles – _yeah I get it, you’re not going to work in an office, I know –_ but then you keep thinking you’ll have time to be crazy later and then you wake up one day and you’re forty and you realize you wasted your youth on not being crazy and then it’s socially unacceptable for you to be crazy by then so you just keep doing boring adult things for the rest of your life.”

Taeyeon blinked at her.

“So you should go to Sunny’s,” Yuri finished succinctly.

After a few seconds, Taeyeon couldn’t suppress a small grin at Yuri’s ridiculous rant, so she nodded. Sooyoung whooped happily.

“Oh and the fall-winter semi-formal is next month so you’ll have to go dress shopping with us,” Yuri slipped in nonchalantly.

“No, I am not going to that,” Taeyeon denied firmly, looking between both of them seriously.

“It’s the last one!”

“Nuh-uh, there’s prom in the spring.”

Sooyoung raised an eyebrow at her. “ _You_ want to go to prom?”

“No.”

“See so you at least have to go to this one,” Yuri pressed. “Please? We’ll all be there.”

“Right, plenty of people will be there for you to talk to, so if I don’t go it’s not a big deal,” Taeyeon countered, moving to sit opposite from Sooyoung on the couch. Yuri sprawled out on the carpet in front of them.

“Sometimes I wonder how you’re one of the most popular girls in the high school,” Sooyoung remarked wryly.

“Easy,” Taeyeon answered, “I’m _not._ ”

“Shut up, you know you are,” Yuri piped up from the floor. “You’d be able to get a date in seconds, but you turn everyone down all the time. I bet half the girls would even ask you if you really wanted.”

Taeyeon smirked. “Ah, I see, _you_ want to take me to the semi-formal, Yul, which is why you’re harassing me about this.”

Yuri kicked her lightly but chuckled nevertheless. “Please,” she answered, “if I took a girl to the dance it would not be you.”

“Who would it be?”

_“Tiffany,”_ Sooyoung coughed loudly.

Yuri scowled at both of them. “Can we please get back on track?” she demanded in a huff.

“Yes – I’m not going,” Taeyeon stated simply.

“Come on,” Sooyoung begged. “Why not? Don’t you want to hang out with all of your friends at the last Heights dance you’ll ever attend?”

“Why?” Taeyeon questioned seriously. “You both know I don’t like dancing, and the only other thing we’re going to do is sit around and talk about people, which I can listen to everyone do at the lunch table on a daily basis without the hassle of getting dressed up and suffering through a night of wearing heels.”

“That’s not –”

“And then we’ll probably go back to someone’s house and sit in a basement doing more or less the same thing, except that we’ll all get drunk first, right? Which I can do almost any weekend of the year if I want to since that’s all anyone wants to do anymore,” Taeyeon concluded bitterly.

She didn’t notice how worked up she was until she stopped and realized her chest heaving from her little speech. By the looks on her friends’ faces, she could tell that she had revealed too much. Her mask had slipped.

“You know what, Taeyeon? You’re so fuc –” Yuri stopped short for a moment as she sat up. She swore in frustration. “ _You’re just so angry all the time_ ,” she spat, “and I – I don’t know why.”

The comment didn’t come out to be mean, as Yuri may have first intended it, but sounded tired and disappointed instead. The way her words trailed off less forcefully as she looked down told Taeyeon that she too had revealed more than usual. She wanted to be offended, wanted to throw back some sort of opposition to Yuri’s statement, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. Because more than mean, or tired, or disappointed, Yuri’s words were accurate, and Taeyeon knew that she wouldn’t argue because somewhere deep down, she agreed with them.

“Well,” Sooyoung finally said after a long minute of silence, “since you clearly don’t want to go, we should probably just leave.”

She got up and pulled Yuri to her feet as well, neither of them quite looking at Taeyeon as they all headed back down the steps. Yuri walked straight out of the apartment without another word, but Sooyoung lingered by the door.

"She doesn’t mean it,” she said softly.

Taeyeon watched as Yuri strode out to the car. “She’s right.”

Neither of them spoke for a few seconds.

“We just worry about you sometimes,” Sooyoung told her slowly. “I know we all joke about you being mopey throughout sophomore year, but you really haven’t been the same after that.”

“It’s been better.”

“You know if you ever want to talk about it –”

“I don’t.”

Sooyoung bit her lip and Taeyeon frowned. She glanced at her and sighed a little.

“I didn’t mean to be blunt,” Taeyeon apologized. “It’s just…one of those days, I guess.”

Sooyoung nodded in understanding and started away from her, but paused again after a few feet and turned back to her.

“You’re coming this weekend right?” she checked one last time.

Taeyeon nodded. “I’ll be there.”

She waited until they had driven off to return inside. She stood in the middle of the living room for a moment and stared at her notebook before turning away and retrieving a light jacket from the hall closet. She slipped on a pair of flip-flops, certain that she would be warm enough with her jacket and jeans, and grabbed her car keys off her dresser. As she walked out to her car, she tried not to feel too guilty about going for a drive without Sooyoung and Yuri.

\---

Thick, gray clouds hung overhead in a rapidly darkening sky, the weather an apt compliment to Taeyeon’s gloomy mood. She sighed and glanced back at the car in front of hers, which hadn’t moved for about five minutes, and groaned. She had thought she would have missed the rush hour traffic by now.

Having spent nearly an hour and a half just driving around back roads and through neighborhoods, Taeyeon had calmed down a bit from earlier and had decided to head home. However, she had spent the last fifteen minutes in a line of cars that was slowly crawling down the street.

She rolled the windows down, letting the cool autumn air breeze through the car, and turned her attention across the street. Glancing back every so often to check the progress of the car in front of her, Taeyeon absentmindedly watched the pedestrians coming in and out of Main Street’s tiny stores and restaurants. She chuckled to herself as she spotted a large group of Heights middle school students stroll out of a pizza place, all laughing and walking along as though they were the coolest kids in the world. Several years ago, that had been her and her friends. So many things had changed since then. She smiled ruefully at the thought, willing herself to keep from dwelling on those years any further.

Out of the corner of her eyes, she noted the car in front of her roll forward a few feet, and she was about to look back to the road to move up as well when her eyes landed on another, smaller group of people walking towards the pizza place. Taeyeon kept her foot on the brake.

They were all around her own age this time, and there were only three of them. Taeyeon barely noticed; there could have been five hundred of them for all she cared, and she still would have only been concerned with one of them. The girl in the middle. The one with honey blonde hair and a set of pristine, white teeth that were on full display as she laughed at something one of her companions said. The one who was leaning against the boy next to her, touching his forearm ever so slightly as they moved down the sidewalk.

Jessica Jung.

She blinked a few times, trying to convince herself that she was just seeing things, but she knew that there was no way she was mistaken – she’d always be able to recognize Jessica. Her throat went dry. That could’ve been her, walking and joking as good friends do, oblivious to the worsening weather as they went to grab dinner. _Should_ have been her. Should have been them. Instead Jessica was on the opposite side of the road and she was stuck in traffic.

A car beeped somewhere behind her and Taeyeon glanced up. The car in front of her had moved far ahead, and now she was the only one holding up the rest of the line.

She looked back across the street. It had finally begun raining.

While her two friends sprinted forward into the pizza place, Jessica remained behind, still walking at a leisurely pace. Taeyeon could see she was grinning. She had always loved the rain. They both had.

Her windows were still down, and Taeyeon felt thick droplets falling onto her arm. She realized how easy it would be to call out to Jessica, or to just run right across the street and say something.

When she looked back, Jessica was standing on the restaurant’s front step, savoring the rain for a moment longer. She was happy, that much Taeyeon could tell, and after everything she deserved that much at least. And so just as Jessica appeared as though she might turn around and glance back, stare right across the street and see her sitting there in her car, Taeyeon rolled up her windows, put her foot on the gas, and drove on.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for: mentions of self-harm, blood (very mild, but just to be safe), and anxiety.

“What are you staring at?”

“What? Nothing.”

She turned around and shook her head at Wooyoung with a reassuring grin. He didn’t seem impressed with the response though, and continued searching past her determinedly.

“Must’ve been a lot of nothing to distract you from this butt-kicking,” he taunted, his eyes still looking beyond her shoulder.

Taeyeon rolled her eyes and smacked the soccer ball he was holding out of his arms, dribbling it away from him as soon as it hit the floor.

“The only butt getting kicked here is yours, Wooyoung,” Taeyeon shot back. She took a few more touches before rolling the ball up the back of her calf and flicking it smoothly over her shoulder in a rainbow. She settled the ball out of the air and turned around to gauge his reaction. She frowned. He was still staring across the gym.

She sighed and chipped the ball lightly at his back with a soft kick, finally prompting him to turn around.

“Are we going to finish this one-on-one match or are you giving up already?” Taeyeon goaded, smirking at him.

“Were you looking at Jessica and Yuri?”

“This means I won, right?”

“Why don’t you just go talk to her? Don’t you want to be friends again?”

Taeyeon walked over to him to retrieve the ball, but he quickly picked it up and held it out of reach.

“You’re being a sore loser,” she remarked dryly.

He frowned at her and moved the ball further away.

“Yes, I was looking at them,” Taeyeon finally answered with a defeated sigh. “ _No_ , I’m not going to talk to her. She looks perfectly happy only being friends with Yuri.”

Wooyoung slipped the ball under his arm and turned to look again. Reluctantly, Taeyeon followed his gaze across the gym to where Jessica and Yuri were seated at the top of the bleachers. Jessica was reclining leisurely on the bleacher, her head resting against the side of Yuri’s thigh as she propped a magazine up on her own knees to read. Yuri seemed to be keeping up a string of conversation while glancing at the magazine from over her; every so often Jessica would look up from the article she was reading and giggle.

“Isn’t it supposed to be _sports_ activity?” Taeyeon muttered snidely.

Wooyoung glanced at her amusedly. “You know Coach Sanders doesn’t really care as long as everyone’s well-behaved since it’s only an activity period and not a real class,” he reasoned.

“Still,” she grumbled, “I think it’s stupid to be here and not play at all.”

“They look so comfortable,” Wooyoung commented absentmindedly. “Is that a girl thing?”

Taeyeon blinked at him but didn’t answer, prompting him to look back at her, the questioning expression still present on his face.

“You tell me,” Taeyeon deadpanned, reaching over to grab the soccer ball away from him once more.

“You’re the obvious exception,” he returned with a chuckle.

“Then go ask Tiffany – she’s right there next to Henry!”

“All right, jeez,” he responded, waving his hands for her to relax. “I’ll go stand in goal and you can shoot on me while I talk to them.”

Taeyeon nodded and backed up a few paces to set the ball up for a shot. She watched Wooyoung make his way over to the small-scale indoor soccer net and laugh with Henry and Tiffany, who were seated a foot or two over from it. She sent a few light shots at the corners, which he saved with ease. After her fifth shot, he turned to say something to Henry, and consequently threw the ball back wider than he needed to, causing Taeyeon to jog down the court after it. Unwillingly, she glanced back up to where Jessica and Yuri sat on the bleachers as she stopped the ball’s progress at midcourt. Jessica was laughing again at something Yuri had said.

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Taeyeon turned away, controlling the ball with her foot to set up for another kick. Without looking up, she ripped a powerful shot from half court, not realizing how hard she had hit it until Tiffany shrieked while Henry and Wooyoung both yelped and ducked as the ball ricocheted off the wall immediately above their heads.

_“Taeyeon!”_

“Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” she apologized, jogging over to recover the bouncing soccer ball again. She passed it to Wooyoung. “Switch – I’ll be goalie for a bit,” she suggested.

Tiffany and Henry continued to harass her amicably about their supposed near death experience with her shot as Wooyoung took his time setting up, causing Taeyeon to laugh at their ridiculous complaints. After a moment, she thought she felt someone watching her, but when she looked up to the bleachers to check, Jessica’s eyes were still settled firmly on her magazine.

\---

They sat on opposite sides of the room as long as seats weren’t assigned. While the rest of the seventh graders raved about how well the sections worked out for the year, Taeyeon sat quietly, wondering why she wasn’t more excited about the class placements. Sooyoung, Henry, and Yoona had all five major classes with her.

But so did Jessica, who was seemingly always on the other side of the room with Yuri. And Yuri found any excuse she could to _not_ talk to Taeyeon, despite becoming good friends with both Sooyoung and Yoona as the school year progressed. So Taeyeon let it go, assuming that if Jessica ever wanted to get back to normal, to before, she would say something. They both seemed happy enough now anyway.

It wasn’t until mid-October, as the first quarter was coming to a close, that they were forced to sit together once more. They had been placed in the same special class again for the second year in a row, which had been manageable with Jonghyun and Onew between them as buffers, but for the end of the quarter project their music teacher decided to assign them a group project. He informed them in a cheery voice that he had taken the liberty of picking their partners for them beforehand and then promptly sent them to the computer lab.

So while the rest of the pairs spent the class period laughing together and looking up everything related to anything but their end of the quarter project, Jessica and Taeyeon sat side by side at separate computers, diligently and silently researching various Renaissance instruments. When the bell rang signaling the end of class, they logged off immediately and began packing up without a word. Taeyeon kept stealing glances at Jessica from out of the corner of her eye while simultaneously shoving several folders into her backpack, uncertain of how to proceed. If they were going to pass this project they would have to talk eventually.

She looked up to speak at the same time Jessica did. They both froze, blinked at each other, and closed their mouths to gesture for the other to go first, which resulted in another ten seconds of uncomfortable silence.

“I guess we should talk about how we’re going to put everything together later,” remarked Jessica after several moments.

“We should.”

“Yeah.”

They nodded at each other for a few seconds. Taeyeon opened her mouth to say something, but thought better of it a shook her head a little instead.

“What?” Jessica probed, noticing the movement.

Taeyeon shook her head again. “It’s nothing.”

“All right this is awkward.”

“I’m always kind of awkward,” Taeyeon responded automatically.

“Right,” Jessica said, unable to hide a small smile at the comment, “but not like this. Not with me.”

“Not before,” Taeyeon muttered.

“Before you became best friends with Tiffany.”

Taeyeon glanced at her sharply. “Yeah,” she shot back, “which was right after you and Yuri turned into best buds and left Hyoyeon and I as some sort of third wheels.”

“The point of a third wheel is that there’s only _one_ odd one out,” retorted Jessica.

“You know what I meant.”

“Hyoyeon still hangs out with us sometimes.”

_“It’s different and you know it.”_

Jessica looked away; she couldn’t argue with that. Taeyeon sighed.

“You forgot about the pinky promise you made me,” Jessica murmured.

“No,” Taeyeon answered firmly, “I didn’t.”

“You’re best friends with Tiffany,” Jessica replied accusingly. “I know that she talks about me all the time; she’s been doing it since fifth grade."

“That wasn’t the promise. And she doesn’t do it around me, because I don’t let her.”

Jessica looked up at her in surprise. Taeyeon held her gaze for a few seconds before nodding slightly. “I didn’t forget,” she repeated. “And we’re not _best_ friends.”

“Oh really?”

Taeyeon shrugged. “I don’t really have a best friend. I have a lot of good friends.”

Jessica’s eyes darkened momentarily as she looked away and frowned at Taeyeon’s words, but she nodded after a second.

“So what are we going to do?” asked Taeyeon, bringing them back to the music project. “I’m kind of tired of not talking to you anymore.”

There was a pause before Jessica responded. “Only kind of?” she questioned in return, glancing back at her with the barest hint of a teasing smile.

Taeyeon snorted and rolled her eyes at the jibe but couldn’t keep from grinning a little.

“Why don’t you just text me after you get home from soccer practice today and we’ll figure it out?” Jessica suggested.

“Sounds good,” Taeyeon agreed with a nod.

They finally got up from their seats together and followed the rest of their class out of the library. For the first time all year, they didn’t split off in opposite directions as soon as they left the room.

She texted Jessica as soon as she got home from practice. Even after they had the details sorted out for the project, they kept texting that night. And the next night, and the next night, and the one after that too, until soon a day didn’t go by when they didn’t talk at some point. Jessica stopped sitting across the room. She brought an often condescending Yuri with her, but Taeyeon didn’t mind – she had Sooyoung at her own side, and she could always count on sending text messages back and forth with Jessica for hours after they got home from school. That could be enough.

They passed the end of the quarter project with flying colors and received the highest grade in the class.

\---

_Have you ever cut?_

A million jokes about learning to use scissors in kindergarten popped into Taeyeon’s head, but something about the suddenness of the question told her to keep them to herself. She stared at the text message and frowned. Jessica was asking about something else entirely.

_No,_ she sent back. _Why?_

_Just curious :)_

Her eyes lingered on the smiley face. It didn’t belong there. She began typing out another response, bit her lip uncertainly, and deleted it. She didn’t want to be too bold. Their recent conversations had become increasingly personal though, and a part of Taeyeon thought that she had earned the right to a certain amount of honesty from Jessica. She retyped the message but hesitated again. Her thumb hovered over the send button. Should she? Yes, she had to know.

_Have you?_

A long pause before a reply came back.

_Once or twice._

Taeyeon didn’t hesitate this time. _With what? Why?_

_Well tonight a razor. Something about the pain. Hurts in a good way I guess. The way I need it to._

Taeyeon’s eyes widened and she felt a creeping panic begin to gnaw at her.

_This is going to sound really stupid, but are you okay right now? Physically?_

Too long of a pause.

_I think I hit too deep._

_Jessica please listen to me. Put the razor away and stop the bleeding. Where are you?_

Homework abandoned as her heart raced. _Please be okay, please be okay, please be okay,_ turning into a silent mantra.

_Bathroom. I have a towel I feel kinda lightheaded._

_Keep talking to me._ Taeyeon couldn’t offer anything else. She knew Jessica wouldn’t want to tell anyone, wouldn’t want to ask for help.

There was no response for a few minutes that stretched on for too long. Taeyeon’s fingers flew as she sent another text.

_Sica? I know it won’t help right now, but if you ever just need to talk or vent or anything, I’m here. I would rather you let it out with me than this._

Taeyeon had half a mind to call 911 when Jessica finally responded.

_It ok. Nicole here now. Upset. Thx for worrying._

Oh good, her fifth grade sister. Taeyeon supposed it was better than nothing, but she paced around the room wishing they lived closer. Part of her wanted to run to the Jungs' house just so she could check on Jessica herself.

Her phone buzzed.

_Hi this is actually Nicole. Jessica’s ok._

Taeyeon let out a sigh of relief, but her hands continued to shake as she sent back a text.

_Okay, thank you. If anything else happens can you text me?_

Nicole didn’t make her wait.

_Yeah. Thanks for taking care of her._

Taeyeon frowned.

_I didn’t do anything though?_

_She can’t stop talking about you. Says you help._

Oh. Taeyeon blinked at her phone screen for a few seconds before sending Nicole one last reply.

_No problem. What are friends for?_

\---

She was equal parts surprised and relieved to see Jessica in school the next day. She sat across the room from Taeyeon, in the desk next to Yuri, smiling and giggling while her fingers pulled nervously at her sleeve. As the bell rang, she glanced up, met Taeyeon’s gaze, smiled reassuringly (and unconvincingly), and looked back down. Somehow she managed to avoid Taeyeon’s attempts at catching her attention between class periods.

Part of Taeyeon was reluctantly amazed – it was nearly impossible to tell that anything was amiss. The thought sickened her. How long had she gone without noticing? Friends were supposed to notice these things.

She paused.

When had they become friends again?

There was only one instant of uncertainty, during fourth period lab, when their science teacher reminded the class to roll up their sleeves near the Bunsen burners.

“Wouldn’t want anyone to set themselves on fire,” she trilled in a morbidly cheerful voice.

Yuri didn’t see Jessica’s fingers hesitate over her left sleeve quietly. Didn’t see her glance around furtively to check if anyone was looking. No one was. Only Taeyeon. Yuri and the rest of the class had their backs turned gathering test tubes as Taeyeon dropped a pair of rubber gloves on the table in front of Jessica.

“For the chemicals,” she explained nonchalantly before heading back to her own desk where Sooyoung was busy setting out paper towels.

Jessica blinked at her and quickly slid the gloves on, smiling a little when they fell down an inch or two past her wrist. A size too big, for the cuts. Jessica stared at her hand, and then at Taeyeon, who pretended not to notice. Yuri had come back with the test tubes and was asking for her attention again.

They kept their distance until midway through the lunch period that day, and even then Taeyeon just happened to be walking into the library as Jessica was walking out with Yuri and Hyoyeon, the three of them all laughing at something. Taeyeon smiled as they greeted her and slowed down to talk for a few moments. Jessica was cradling her left wrist again. A folded up corner of a white paper towel poked out from under the sleeve of her blue zip up hoodie. Taeyeon glanced at it, but said nothing. Silently wondered why Hyoyeon and Yuri hadn’t noticed. They were supposed to notice these things.

Jessica caught her quick glance and narrowed eyes. “It’s from yesterday,” she explained, tugging her sleeve down further. “I tripped while I was outside playing with Krystal.”

Taeyeon stared. She couldn’t think of anything to do besides raise her eyebrows emphatically and frown a little.

“Must’ve hurt,” she replied.

Jessica nodded. “It’ll be fine though. I’m used to it.”

It was Taeyeon’s turn to nod as Hyoyeon and Yuri stood listening, oblivious to the conversation’s true meaning. A few seconds passed, and Yuri seemed to have reached her always-short quota for spending time with Taeyeon.

“I have to stop at my locker before lunch ends,” she exclaimed suddenly.

Hyoyeon led the way out of the library and waved to Taeyeon as she passed, but Yuri ignored her completely and grabbed Jessica’s wrist to pull her along. She brushed by without any indication of Taeyeon’s presence. Jessica winced and Taeyeon frowned. Yuri had unwittingly taken hold of the wrong wrist. Jessica looked back at her, silently pleading for help.

Taeyeon immediately stepped forward after them and grasped Yuri’s forearm firmly to stop her. She kept her features calm and amicable as Yuri whipped around in surprise.

“I forgot that I need to talk to Jessica about something,” Taeyeon stated, quickly letting go of her.

“Okay.”

They stood staring at each other for a few seconds before Taeyeon glanced pointedly towards Yuri’s hand still on Jessica.

_“Alone,”_ she added.

“Oh.”

Yuri reluctantly dropped Jessica’s wrist.

“We’ll catch up with you later,” called Hyoyeon, waving for Yuri to follow her.

Taeyeon and Jessica stood quietly until they were sure the other two had completely disappeared down the stairwell. After a few seconds, Jessica quickly checked the paper towel tucked into her sleeve and cursed. She turned to sprint down the hall to the bathroom, but Taeyeon grabbed onto her backpack and pulled her backwards.

“The library bathroom is a single,” Taeyeon reminded her as she turned to protest.

Jessica’s mouth formed a silent ‘o’ and then she rushed ahead through the library. Taeyeon picked up her pace a little, but kept to a fast walk so as to avoid drawing any ire from the librarians. She got there just as the bathroom door was swinging shut behind Jessica, but caught it with her hand and slipped in.

Jessica only spared her a quick glance before rolling up her sleeve. The paper towel was stained with a blossoming red pattern of blood. Taeyeon locked the door behind her, grabbed a new paper towel, and wordlessly ran it under the faucet. She handed it to Jessica.

“Thanks,” Jessica murmured, pressing it gently against the inside of her wrist.

“Yuri didn’t reopen that.”

Jessica sighed a little, but didn’t look at her. “You’d be surprised how sharp a plastic knife can be.”

“Jessica –”

“I don’t usually do this. I usually hide it better…I can’t believe I hit that deep last night; it’s throwing everything off.”

Taeyeon couldn’t tell which one of them Jessica was talking to.

“I thought you said you’ve only done it once or twice before,” she interjected.

Jessica froze and looked up at her in the reflection of the mirror. To Taeyeon’s astonishment, she actually smiled.

“See? I’m so sloppy today,” was all she said.

When Taeyeon didn’t answer, but pressed her lips into a thin line, Jessica switched the faucet off and turned around to face her. She leaned back against the sink and cocked her head to the side.

“What?”

“Can I see?”

The question surprised both of them. Jessica searched her face for a few moments and then slowly turned her wrist upwards. Taeyeon’s eyes lingered on hers for another second before dropping down to the marks on her arm. They were shorter than she had expected, except for one long one that travelled diagonally across her wrist. It was also the freshest. There were five cuts in total, each of them all too bright and angry against Jessica’s pale skin.

“I meant what I said last night,” Taeyeon told her, bringing her eyes back to Jessica’s face.

Jessica gave her a tired smile. “I don’t need you to feel sorry for me, Taeyeon.”

“No, I know, but I’m serious,” Taeyeon replied firmly. “Even if it helps just a little bit, I would rather you talk to me. About anything. Really.”

She paused.

“I know this year we haven’t…we’ve been –”

She stopped again and cast a frustrated glance towards the ceiling as she tried to find the right words. Jessica waited patiently.

“I’m not a good talker,” Taeyeon said finally, “but I can be a good listener.”

Jessica nodded and slowly moved past her to the door. She hesitated with her fingers on the handle.

“It does help,” she murmured.

\---

A voice in the back of her mind told Taeyeon that she had known her parents were getting divorced for months. Over the past year they had moved from arguing constantly to sleeping in separate bedrooms to avoiding any interaction altogether. It was a wonder they were still living under the same roof.

Even with all these signs, even though Taeyeon knew what they were going to say before she sat down at the kitchen table with them, nothing lessened the blow. She had been enjoying her day too – it had snowed the day before and Taeyeon had spent the past two days launching sneak attacks on her neighbors with her seemingly endless arsenal of snowballs. When the rest of the children on the block returned inside, she had remained outside on the porch, just admiring the transformed landscape around her. Her parents had finally cajoled her to come inside for dinner, but Taeyeon had insisted on keeping her hat on as she bounced around the house and discarded the rest of her snow-covered clothes in the laundry room.

“We know this might be upsetting,” she heard her father say, “but we’ve realized it’s just best if we separate.”

Taeyeon didn’t answer. She didn’t even look at them. She kept her eyes trained on the now-cold dinner set out in front of all of them, but she wasn’t really looking at that either. She heard her mother call out to her softly. Their voices sounded so far away. They wouldn’t stop talking, wouldn’t stop trying to reassure her.

“It’s okay –”

_“No,”_ Taeyeon interrupted harshly. “It’s not.”

Her parents stared at her, stunned.

“And I get that you need to do this, but you do not get to pretend like everything is _okay_ right now,” she added angrily.

Her mother reached a soothing hand out, but Taeyeon flinched away from her, frowning at herself as moisture burned at her eyes. She wished her father would stop looking at her with that pitying gaze.

“Taeyeon…”

She shook her head, pulled her hat down over her eyes. She couldn’t look at them. Silence descended over the room for a long minute.

“I need to be alone,” she muttered, standing abruptly.

She all but ran upstairs to her room, her parents requests that she eat something first falling on deaf ears. As soon as she was inside, she locked the door behind her and slid down against it, yanking the hat down again briefly, and then off completely, flinging it across the room in frustration. She sat on her floor for several minutes, ordering herself to stop crying while she attempted to get her erratic breathing under control. Eventually she crawled over to her bed and grabbed her phone from off her pillow. She had to talk to someone.

Her fingers hesitated over the keys. Who would she tell? Sooyoung seemed like the logical choice, or Yoona even, but Taeyeon couldn’t bring herself to text them. She scrolled through her contacts and sent a quick message.

_Can you talk right now?_

She didn’t have to wait long for a reply. _Of course, what’s up?_

_My parents are getting divorced._

Two minutes passed with no response and she wondered if she had been too blunt, too sudden.

Her phone rang.

“Taeyeon.”

“Hi,” she answered, sighing in relief a little at the sound of Jessica’s concerned voice on the other end.

“I’m – I know you don’t like talking on the phone normally, but I thought… _god, Taeyeon I’m so sorry.”_

“It’s fine, I’m fine. This is stupid it’s not like I didn’t –”

“Are you crying?”

Taeyeon paused. “Maybe a little.”

“Then you’re not fine.”

“I don’t like this.”

“Well, I don’t think anyone likes hearing that their parents are getting divorced,” Jessica responded gently.

“No,” Taeyeon replied. “Not just that. _This,_ the crying, the feelings…I don’t like feeling like this.”

There was a pause on Jessica’s end of the line this time. “Talk to me,” she said finally in a soft tone.

“About what?” Taeyeon asked with a hollow laugh, wiping at her tears in disgust.

“Anything.”

“Why?”

“Because when I’m upset you always let me talk. Now it’s your turn.”

Taeyeon blinked. “Oh.”

“So what do you wanna talk about?”

“Jessica?”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks.”

\---

Taeyeon didn’t say anything about it at school. The following morning Jessica greeted her in the hallway with a tight hug, but sensing her reluctance to talk about it, allowed her to keep to herself. She caught Jessica glancing at her every once in a while during classes, but things went on as usual. Sooyoung and the rest of Taeyeon’s friends didn’t seem to notice that anything had changed with her, and she was content to keep it that way for the time being.

It wasn’t until midway through the week that Taeyeon had a real conversation with Jessica. She and Sooyoung went down to the art room with Yoona during their lunch period to keep her company while she worked on finishing a painting for Mrs. Morgan’s class. Taeyeon doodled sentences absentmindedly on a piece of scrap paper while they joked about Yoona’s considerable lack of artistic talent.

“You could claim you were going for a Picasso type thing,” suggested Sooyoung, craning her neck to examine the painting.

Yoona elbowed her. Taeyeon glanced up with a grin at Sooyoung, but did a double take when she noticed Jessica walking quickly down the stairs, her head down and her hands balled into fists. Taeyeon stared past Sooyoung’s shoulder and through the open doors of the art room. She frowned. Everything about Jessica’s posture was off. As if feeling eyes on her, Jessica glanced up and met Taeyeon’s gaze, briefly, before turning the corner and looking away again. Taeyeon watched her through the room’s long bay windows until her dark brown hair disappeared down the hallway.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” she announced, hopping off her stool.

Sooyoung and Yoona blinked at her. “Okay.”

Taeyeon didn’t reply; she was already moving towards the door, leaving the other two to stare at her curiously before shrugging and turning back to their conversation. She strode through the hallway to the locker rooms without hesitating. From somewhere further down the corridor she heard a door swing shut. Picking up the pace, she rounded the corner by the girls’ locker room and walked in quickly. She slowed. For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of the door closing behind her, and Taeyeon suddenly wondered if she had overestimated her instincts and that Jessica wasn’t even in the locker room. Her eyes swept the room. She couldn’t see around all of the lockers, but it certainly seemed like she was alone. Then she noticed that the lights in the bathroom were off.

Taking soft, tentative strides to the bathroom entrance, Taeyeon frowned as a light sniffling came from back by the sinks. She paused, her hand lingering by the light switch.

“Sica?”

Another sniff answered her. “Leave them off.”

Taeyeon furrowed her brow but dropped her hand back to her side. She took a few more steps into the bathroom.

“What’s wrong?”

“You have really crappy taste in friends, you know that?” came the low reply.

At any other time, she probably would have answered swiftly with a quip about how _they_ were friends, which had to count for something, but Taeyeon kept it to herself. She frowned instead. “Are you mad at me?” she checked.

“No.”

They both seemed to sigh at the same time. A minute ticked by and neither one of them moved or spoke; Taeyeon stood quietly deliberating what to do next when she heard Jessica shuffling back towards her.

“I have to tell you something,” she said quietly.

“Okay,” answered Taeyeon, watching her in concern.

“I’m adopted. Krystal and Nicole are too, but Krystal’s really my little sister still. Nicole’s as good as.”

Taeyeon’s eyes widened briefly in surprise. Jessica was searching her face though, waiting to gauge her response before continuing, so she quickly recovered and nodded gently. Jessica took a deep breath.

“Part of the reason I’ve been… _you know_ ,” she continued slowly, tapping her wrist until Taeyeon nodded in understanding, “is because that’s been bothering me for a while. And I don’t know why, because I’ve known since fourth grade, and when my parents first told me I tried to pretend like it didn’t change anything. But it does. It did. More and more I just…I can’t stop thinking that –”

Her voice broke. She raised a hand over her eyes and attempted to steady herself, but when she tried to continue, Taeyeon could see visibly that her chest was heaving as she only grew more agitated. Without a word, Taeyeon moved forward and grasped her hand. She tugged lightly so that Jessica would follow, and guided them out of the bathroom. They sat opposite from one other; Jessica slid down against the lockers while Taeyeon took a seat on the bench in front of her and leaned towards her.

“Take your time,” she murmured calmly.

Jessica nodded and took a few more deep breaths. When she looked back up, tears continued to roll down her face.

“Lately, I can’t stop thinking that there must be something wrong with me,” she whispered. “Why else would a mother just give her child away? There has to be something…I must be –”

“Jessica, listen to me,” Taeyeon interrupted fiercely. “Don’t even finish that sentence. There is nothing wrong with you. _Nothing._ This is in no way your fault, okay? And maybe it was a really tough decision, but maybe she wasn’t in a good situation and loved you so much that she was just trying to let you have a better life somewhere else.”

Jessica looked down. “She didn’t even give me a chance to be her daughter. That’s not a mother who loves her child.”

“I don’t believe that. But if that is the case, then she missed out,” Taeyeon responded immediately. “Because you’re amazing.”

Jessica glanced back up at her and laughed a little in disbelief. She was still crying. “You’re just saying that,” she mumbled.

“No, I’m not,” Taeyeon reiterated. “And honestly? I’m happy you ended up as a Jung, even if that’s not what you want to hear right now.”

“Why?”

“Otherwise we might never have met.”

Jessica stared at her, trying to detect any traces of Taeyeon’s usual humor. Finding none, she smiled and wiped at her tears self-consciously.

“Don’t doubt yourself like that,” Taeyeon told her in a quieter voice. “I can promise you that those negative thoughts are wrong.”

“It wasn’t just that though,” Jessica replied honestly.

“Right…what does this have to do with my taste in friends?”

“Remember how I said Tiffany used to be my best friend?” she started, sniffling a little. “Well, she’s known about me being adopted. And even after we stopped being friends, she had never said anything mean about it before.”

Taeyeon narrowed her eyes. “ _Before?”_

“Earlier during lunch there were a lot of people sitting in the hallway…obviously I wasn’t sitting with them, but they started talking about adopted kids – I think it started with something silly like Angelina Jolie or something – and Tiffany just slipped in something rude about how _unfortunate_ it must be to not even be wanted when you’re only a baby,” Jessica mumbled quickly, eyes downcast. “No one else caught it, but she glanced over towards me afterwards, and I wouldn’t normally pay any attention to her but it’s already been bothering me recently so I just kind of lost it…”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah – where are you going?”

“I’m going to go say something to her,” answered Taeyeon briskly. She was seething. _How could Tiffany just cross the line like that with something so personal?_

She stalked halfway to the door, but halted when Jessica called out her name.

“Taeyeon, don’t –”

“She can’t just _say_ things like that!”

Jessica looked at her tiredly from around the corner of the lockers. She smiled sadly and nodded a little. “I know,” she murmured. “But don’t…can you stay here with me for a few minutes instead?”

Taeyeon nodded, forcing herself to calm down, and walked back over to Jessica with a gentle smile. She sat down in front of her on the bench again. Jessica blinked up at her from the floor.

“Really?” she questioned dryly.

“What – oh, sorry.”

With a sheepish grin, Taeyeon slid off the bench and leaned back against the lockers next to Jessica, who immediately looped her arm through Taeyeon’s and sighed. Taeyeon stiffened at the contact momentarily, but as Jessica scooted closer to rest her head on her shoulder, she relaxed again. She knew Jessica needed this.

“I’m getting your shirt wet,” Jessica sniffled.

“ _The nerve,”_ Taeyeon responded jokingly. “We’re really having a banner week here, aren’t we?”

She smiled when Jessica chuckled through a few hiccups, pleased that she could always cheer up the other girl when she needed it.

“Taengoo?” Jessica asked after awhile.

“Hm?”

“Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For noticing.”


	6. Chapter 6

Despite having been there multiple times over the course of their years together in school, the sheer size of Sunny’s house never failed to amaze Taeyeon. To even call it a house was insufficient. She searched for another word as she slowly guided her car through the front gates and up the long drive to park by the rest of her friends’ vehicles. Mansion? Estate?  _Castle?_ Taeyeon chuckled to herself. The last one might have been pushing it a bit.

The first two, however, were definitely not.

On a street characterized by the presence of impressive mansions, the Lees' was far and away the most striking. If not for the intricate wrought-iron gates marking the start of the driveway however, it would be easy enough to pass by the address without realizing what an extensive property stood just beyond the deep tree line. Nestled among acres of towering oak trees and thick underbrush, the house was set back off the road, accessible only from a long, winding private lane. The drive branched out towards the private garage and parking lot, then continued on to open up into a circle in front of the main wing of the house. An always verdant and immaculately kept shrubbery resided in the center.

The mansion itself was a sprawling masterpiece. Built entirely from blocks of smooth gray stone, it stood three stories tall with gilded-copper roofing. There was a garden terrace atop the right wing of the house, set immediately above a sunroom marked by slate flooring and floor to ceiling windows. A circular tower protruded ever so slightly from the architecture near the front door, its tall, thin windows showcasing an elegant spiral staircase within.

And that was only what was visible from the front.

Taeyeon shook her head a little as she pulled off the drive into the private lot by the garage where Sunny always told the girls to park. In the passenger seat, Sooyoung grinned a little.

“Heights’ finest,” she remarked, eyeing the mansion.

“I think I could fit my dad’s apartment in Sunny’s house about fifty times and still have some space left over,” returned Taeyeon.

“Sunny’s house could eat mine for lunch,” Sooyoung said as they got out of the car. “Not even – it’d be an appetizer. One of those tiny little finger sandwiches.”

Taeyeon laughed, both at Sooyoung’s comment and at how out of place her own beat up silver two-door sedan looked on the Lees' stately property.

“This coming from the girl with two successful doctors for parents,” she reminded Sooyoung.

“Okay, but this place makes it look like Sunny has like nine neurosurgeons as parents or something.”

“What does her dad do again?”

“I think he owns one of those big banks.”

They strolled around to the front door. Most of the guys’ cars and trucks were already parked neatly around the circle.

“Must be nice,” Taeyeon remarked absentmindedly.

Sooyoung nudged her. “Considering dropping that English major in favor of a business degree next year?” she questioned lightly.

Taeyeon snorted. “No way. Too much math.”

“Which to you means doing _any_ math,” Sooyoung clarified, shaking her head. “Whatever, when you’re a famous writer you can just buy your own mansion.”

“The only estate I would ever buy would be Pemberley, which isn’t even –”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about but I’m sure it’s something from an English class that I didn’t pay any attention in, so I’m gonna stop you right there.”

“ _Anyway,_ ” Taeyeon continued with a roll of her eyes, “if I ever had that much money I would get a penthouse in the city, not some villa in the suburbs.”

“Totally fine – you can just give me the mansion then,” Sooyoung resolved with a wink.

“Uh-huh,” answered Taeyeon skeptically.

Sooyoung led the way into the house without hesitating. They made their way upstairs first and down a long hall to Sunny’s bedroom to store their belongings for the night. By casting a quick glance around at the other bags lying on the floor, Taeyeon could see that Yuri, Tiffany, Yoona, and Hyoyeon were already there.

“Who all did Sunny invite?” she asked while tucking her car keys away into her backpack.

“Just the usual crew I think,” Sooyoung told her.

Taeyeon nodded and followed her out of the room and back towards the staircase. Even on the third floor, the faint sound of a pumping bass could be heard drifting up from the basement. As they descended the stairs, she noted that the rest of the house seemed to be deserted.

“I take it Sunny’s parents are out again?”

“They usually are.”

“I thought she said she was grounded for two months after last time.”

Sooyoung raised her eyebrows at Taeyeon with a cynical glance. “When’s the last time they’ve actually been home enough to enforce any grounding?”

Taeyeon nodded. “True. It’s almost ten – I’m surprised everyone’s managed to actually stay in the basement for this long.”

“Bets on how long it takes for the party to spill upstairs? I’ll give it another hour or so,” Sooyoung guessed.

“Really? Pretty generous.”

She grinned at Sooyoung as they reached the basement door and pulled it open. Immediately, the music blasting below became clearly audible and they could hear their friends cheering and laughing. Taeyeon shook her head a little.

“It’ll be up here in half that time.”

\---

They were both wrong – it only took twenty minutes before the group split into different factions all over the house. Hyoyeon remained in the basement leading a dance party with Henry as usual while Jonghyun and Sooyoung sat laughing at Onew’s feeble attempts to keep up with them. Tiffany had presumably managed to seduce Yuri into giving up dancing downstairs for something more intimate elsewhere in the spacious house, as they were nowhere to be found. As for Taeyeon, Sunny and Yoona had dragged her and Wooyoung up to the living room for some karaoke.

Having already sung a duet with each of them, Taeyeon opted to recline on the floor with her back against the couch, watching in amusement as Wooyoung and Sunny gave Beyoncé’s “Single Ladies” their very best drunken effort. Yoona was sprawled out on the couch completely passed out. Deciding that it’d probably be best to just let her be instead of trying to coax her up to a real bed, Taeyeon pushed herself up off the floor, staggering slightly as she stood. Hyoyeon, Yuri, and Jonghyun had cajoled her into taking one shot with each of them at different points earlier that night, and she could still feel the drinks’ lingering effects. Wooyoung glanced at her questioningly from his position next to Sunny, who was too busy singing to pay attention to either one of them.

“I’m just going to get a blanket,” Taeyeon explained, gesturing vaguely towards where Yoona slept on the couch.

He nodded in understanding. She giggled as he yelped when Sunny smacked his arm to get him to continue singing and dancing once more.

Slowly, she made her way up the spiral staircase and paused on the landing at the second floor. She couldn’t remember which floor the Lee’s linens room was on. Part of her remembered to chuckle at the fact that her friend’s family had an entire room dedicated to linens.

Before she could come to a decision about how to proceed, a door slammed loudly on the floor above her. She leaned halfway over the railing and peered upwards. A head of dark hair was all she could make out coming down the stairs towards her. It was Yuri. Her steps were hard and fast as she stomped down the stairway, halting only when she saw Taeyeon waiting on the landing.

Her jaw was set and her nostrils flared; she was clearly upset, that much Taeyeon could tell. She wanted to ask, but also didn’t want Yuri to go off on her, as she was occasionally prone to do after she had a few drinks. That, and she was still a little drunk herself.

“Which way to the linens room?” she asked stupidly instead.

They stood blinking at each other for several moments before a tearful voice from above interrupted them.

_“Yuri!”_

Tiffany’s agitated face appeared over the balcony railing along the third floor. “We need to talk!” she called down.

“I thought you didn’t have time for talking,” Yuri sneered in response.

Taeyeon glanced uncertainly between them, all too aware that she was intruding on something private. She began to back away off the landing. She shot Yuri an apologetic smile and pointed down the hall dumbly.

“I’m just going to… _go_ …find some linens…”

Tiffany started yelling overhead again, her words slurring from a combination of alcohol and tears as she moved towards the stairs. Yuri ignored her and strode forward with a roll of her eyes, taking Taeyeon by the arm and pulling her through the hallway until they came to a mahogany door with ‘LINENS’ emblazoned on it in neat characters. She pushed the door open vehemently and all but shoved Taeyeon in first before following behind quickly. Immediately, she turned and closed the door behind her, taking care to shut it with less force so as to not make too much noise. She rested her forehead against the smooth wood for a minute, her shoulders heaving.

“Normally I wouldn’t be shocked that Tiffany’s crying while she’s drunk given her track record,” Taeyeon said finally after awhile, “but did something happen?”

“You know we’ve hooked up basically every party since end of last year?” Yuri asked in response, turning away from the door to face Taeyeon.

“It was just fun at first, you know?” she continued. “And then at some point it was more than that. I didn’t mean to –”

She stopped and looked away. Taeyeon said nothing, but watched her face carefully as she struggled with herself. Yuri’s voice came out stronger when she spoke again.

“Tonight was no different, I guess. Except that I finally said it. I told her.”

Taeyeon inhaled nervously, feeling her throat tighten involuntarily. She turned away and picked along the shelves absentmindedly for a blanket. Yuri continued talking behind her but she couldn’t focus on any of the words. For a few moments, there was nothing but silence. Taeyeon settled on a deep maroon quilt and hesitated with her fingers on the fabric.

“Yuri, you’re drunk,” she reminded her friend slowly.

“So what?”

Taeyeon sighed. “You don’t love her.”

_“Why do people keep telling me that?”_ roared Yuri.

Bracing herself, Taeyeon let go of the quilt and moved back towards Yuri, who was glaring at her, furious at having been betrayed.

“Because –”

_“No,”_ Yuri interrupted harshly. _“I don’t want to hear anymore reasons about why I don’t know what I’m talking about.”_

She grabbed a handful of sheets and flung them off the shelf in frustration.

_“Just because none of you understand doesn’t mean that I don’t.”_

Taeyeon kept her voice calm. “Yuri, trust me – I get it.”

_“No you don’t get it,”_ Yuri shot back heatedly. “This is different! _This isn’t you and –”_

Something in Taeyeon’s face must have changed because Yuri seemed to finally register her own words and cut off abruptly.

“You’re drunk,” Taeyeon repeated in a dangerously low voice. “So I’m going to pretend like you didn’t just start to say that.”

“Taeyeon,” Yuri backpedaled apologetically. “I didn’t mean – you know I would never…”

Whatever effects had been plaguing her from the alcohol earlier had officially worn off. Taeyeon nodded tiredly.

“I know, Yul, I get it,” she answered softly.

An awkward silence fell over them for a few minutes before Yuri looked down and realized what a mess she had made during her rant. She exhaled loudly and moved to scoop the sheets up, but Taeyeon bent down first and waved her off.

“Taeyeon, you don’t have to –”

“Go talk to her.”

Yuri drew back in surprise. Taeyeon continued folding the sheets carefully and didn’t look up at her.

“Why?”

“Because you still can.”

For a long moment, Yuri didn’t move, and she didn’t answer either, so Taeyeon glanced up at her with a melancholy smile.

“Yuri,” she said gently. “Trust me. It’s okay, I’ve got this.”

“Are we okay?”

Taeyeon managed to crack a grin. “We’ve been worse,” she quipped.

Yuri eventually smiled a little and nodded. She made to leave, but paused halfway out the door and glanced back.

“Thank you.”

Taeyeon just waved her off without looking up. She waited until the door swung shut fully before hoisting the pile of folded sheets off the floor and back onto the shelf.

“I just hope she loves you back,” she murmured to no one.

She remembered to grab the maroon quilt for Yoona before leaving.

\---

The sound of the sliding door opening caused her to look back up towards the house. She could see a silhouette look in her direction before pulling the glass door shut behind him and walking casually past the pool. She turned back to face the woods and waited.

“Mind if I sit out with you?”

Taeyeon didn’t have to look to know that Wooyoung was hovering a few feet behind her respectfully. She smiled to herself. She could easily say no and he would leave, no questions asked. He was reliable like that when she needed him to be.

“Of course,” she answered, patting the grass beside her.

“What’s up?”

Taeyeon sighed a little and shrugged. “Nothing really,” she answered lightly. “I’m just tired of being around everyone and needed a break.”

Wooyoung nodded a little as he situated himself beside her, but raised his eyebrows too. “You barely hang out with anyone outside of school though.”

“I know. This is why, I guess.”

“Because you don’t like your friends?”

“I didn’t say that!” Taeyeon laughed.

Wooyoung made a face. “Could’ve fooled me. And I’m not just talking about _this,_ ” he said, gesturing to the space in front of them. “Not just needing to being alone, I mean. I feel like you keep all of your friends at an arms-length anymore.”

“It’s not that I don’t like them – I love them,” Taeyeon clarified. “I just don’t really trust any of them completely.”

Wooyoung glanced at her in surprise. “Not even Sooyoung?”

Taeyeon frowned and shook her head, picking idly at the grass for a few moments while she struggled to convey her thoughts properly. She could feel him watching her carefully.

“I trust Sooyoung _a lot,_ ” Taeyeon finally told him. “Same with Yuri, even though we fight sometimes. I can count on them for so much.”

“But?”

_“But,_ there are some things that I just can’t tell them, because I know they wouldn’t really understand. So I’ve just been keeping a lot of stuff to myself.”

Wooyoung nodded. “That’s why you’ve been getting all…”

He trailed off uncertainly, wary of offending her with his next choice of words.

“Mopey? Moody? Angsty? All of the above?” supplied Taeyeon with a rueful smile.

He laughed, but shook his head. “I was going to say _frustrated,_ but those work too,” he amended kindly.

Taeyeon regarded him skeptically for a beat.

“You just thought of that because I gave you time,” she accused.

“I just thought of that,” he admitted. “You took all of my other ideas.”

She shoved him and sent him sideways into the dewy grass. He didn’t retaliate, but rolled on his back and tucked his hands beneath his head, his eyes trained up on the night sky. Taeyeon pulled her knees to her chest and followed his gaze upwards.

“Can I say something?” he asked after a few minutes of silence.

“I don’t know, _can_ you?”

He smacked her in the side. “I’m trying to have a moment here!” he reprimanded in an offended tone.

“I know, I’m impressed,” Taeyeon quipped. “Maybe we’d still be dating if you had tried this more often freshman year.”

He snorted. “Yeah right. You and I both know that’s not true.”

“Anyway,” Taeyeon prompted with a chuckle, waving for him to continue. She looked at him expectantly. He was still watching the sky.

“I think that your ‘mopeyness’ or whatever we’re calling it, is becoming such an issue now because you don’t trust anyone enough to talk about it,” he conjectured seriously.

“Right…”

“But you used to.”

“Oh.”

She didn’t know what else to say. He had caught her off-guard, but she knew exactly what he meant now, or _who_ he meant, rather, and she could already feel her chest constricting in anticipation of his next words.

“Like…and I don’t know what happened to you guys and I don’t expect you to tell me, but I always got the sense that you trusted Jessica like that. That you could tell her anything,” he explained.

There was a long pause in which neither of them spoke. The constricting in her chest had morphed into some sort of painful tugging sensation. She remained silent. She couldn’t tell if Wooyoung was waiting for her to say something, but she didn’t think he was; his eyes were still fixed firmly on the stars. She kept staring at him, but was thankful he didn’t look back at her.

“Because it was always clear to me that you really cared about her,” he continued. “And yeah, you’re this super awkward human being who doesn’t want to do feelings, and you always have been…but sometimes with her it seemed like you weren’t.”

“What do you mean?” Taeyeon asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

He frowned thoughtfully, and she realized she wasn’t entirely sure if she wanted to hear his answer.

“Remember that time we went ice skating?”

She nodded.

“And while we were there, Hyomin called Donghae and she was drunk and freaking out about something?”

“Yeah. Yuri and I bonded over our mutual hatred of Hyomin.”

“Right,” Wooyoung chuckled before continuing on in a more even tone. “But before Donghae even hung up you walked away to call Jessica because you knew that the two of them were together and you wanted to make sure she was okay. And no matter how many times the rest of us told you to forget about it, I could see that you weren’t listening. You had your phone out for the entire night afterwards, even as you got in your car to leave.”

“I was texting her,” Taeyeon mumbled, almost to herself.

“I’m just saying, you always say you hate feelings and never know what to do when other people need your help with personal shit, but that night you just did it without hesitating at all,” he finished.

He finally glanced over at her, and Taeyeon looked away. She began trying to count the stars instead.

“So?” she whispered, struggling to keep her voice steady.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him shrug as he looked back up as the sky as well.

“So…I just always thought you guys would be friends, I guess,” he answered simply.

Taeyeon let out a heavy sigh.

“Yeah,” she murmured. “That makes two of us.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings for: mentions of suicide and anxiety.

_“Tiffany, let’s go!”_

Taeyeon glanced up towards the door from her spot on the bedroom floor. It was the third time in the past fifteen minutes that Tiffany’s father had called up to hurry his daughter along.

“I told you I’ll be right there!” Tiffany shouted back, hobbling over to the door while simultaneously trying to pull one sneaker on.

_“You know your mother and I are meeting Leo for dinner at eight. If we’re late for our reservation –”_

Tiffany rolled her eyes and shut the door. She sat down and leaned back against it so that she could finish tying her sneakers.

“God forbid they’re two minutes late,” she mumbled. “They don’t take him out to dinner all the time or anything.”

Taeyeon smiled sympathetically as Tiffany looped her laces through one another and looked up with a sigh. Though Tiffany spoke of it with a sense of detached sarcasm, Taeyeon knew that she was a little envious of all the attention her older brother received from their parents. Leo was the undisputed genius of the family, and although well intentioned, Mr. and Mrs. Hwang often showered him with praise while peppering Tiffany with demands to be more like her successful brother.

“Where’s your sister?” questioned Taeyeon, trying to change the subject.

Tiffany shrugged and pushed herself off the floor. “Probably at some party.”

Taeyeon just nodded. She didn’t know a lot of the high school students at Heights Academy since the kids in middle school never really had reason or opportunity to interact with the upperclassmen, but she had known who Tiffany’s older sister was even before she knew that the girl was actually Tiffany’s older sister. Everyone in Heights and the surrounding towns knew Michelle Hwang’s name.

Tiffany walked back to her bed and picked up her phone. She looked at it briefly and typed out a text before tossing it into her bag. She turned and held her hands out to pull Taeyeon to her feet.

“Come on,” she said, wiggling her fingers in the air while she waited for Taeyeon to grasp them. “Wooyoung, Henry, and Donghae are already there.”

“Remind me again why we’re going ice-skating in the beginning of September? It’s still hot out.”

“It’s not like we go in the winter – might as well do it now. Besides, we’re kicking off our last year of middle school.”

Taeyeon smirked a little as she followed Tiffany out of the room. “It’s because _Donghae_ , suggested it, isn’t it?” she teased.

Tiffany sent her a glare over her shoulder, but didn’t deny anything. She laughed instead.

“Ice-skating can be romantic,” she commented lightly.

Taeyeon snorted.

“Yeah, maybe when you actually know _how to_.”

\---

Sure enough, Wooyoung, Henry, and Donghae were waiting for them just inside the lobby with two other girls. Taeyeon politely thanked Mr. Hwang for the car ride and hopped out after Tiffany. She narrowed her eyes as she squinted through the glass doors at the two girls in the group. She smiled when she realized one was Yoona, but quickly frowned when she recognized the other girl.

“You didn’t tell me Yuri was coming,” she remarked neutrally.

Tiffany grinned and glanced over her shoulder at her.

“I may have forgotten to mention it,” she returned slyly. “Come on Tae, maybe this will be good for you guys!”

Taeyeon continued to frown. “She hates me.”

“Not after tonight she won’t,” Tiffany stated optimistically with another smile over her shoulder. Upon seeing Taeyeon’s obvious reluctance, she shook her head a little bit and reached back to take hold of her sleeve.

“It’ll be fun, I promise,” she entreated, dragging Taeyeon through the doors. “Plus, you’ll get to spend extra time with Wooyoung,” she added knowingly.

Taeyeon’s eyes widened. She drew level with Tiffany and poked her hard in the side. They were only feet away from the rest of the group.

_“Don’t say anything,”_ she hissed.

Tiffany giggled and waved her off. “I won’t.”

“Won’t what?”

Taeyeon looked up in alarm. Wooyoung had asked the question and was watching her with a faint smile. Yoona, Yuri, Henry, and Donghae glanced over as well. Taeyeon and Tiffany shared a quick look.

“Nothing,” they answered in unison.

Wooyoung continued to eye them curiously, but Taeyeon just stuck her tongue out at him while Tiffany ran ahead to talk to Donghae as they all made their way over to the rental window to pick up skates.

Taeyeon didn’t really know what she expected when she stepped out onto the ice. Deciding to err on the side of caution, she slid one foot forward tentatively to test out her balance. She moved the second one after it, wobbled, and nearly fell over. Luckily, Donghae was standing near her, so she managed to throw her hands out and hang onto his hoodie until she could steady herself.

She let out a relieved breath after a few seconds. Straightening up, she found Donghae chuckling at her.

“Not all of us play ice hockey, mister,” Taeyeon told him with a scowl.

He held his hands up innocently. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Uh-huh,” Taeyeon responded, pursing her lips doubtfully.

“Hey when’s the last time I pranked you?” he asked suddenly.

She paused and bit her lip thoughtfully, going through all of their old memories together. Donghae had grown up across the street from her in Centerton; she had essentially known him since she was born and he always treated her like the little sister he never had. He had gone to school in Centerton for years before transferring to Heights Academy his sophomore year.

“I think it was when I was seven…you sent me into one of our neighbor’s yards to retrieve a baseball you’d hit over the fence.”

Donghae threw his head back and laughed. “That’s right, I told you it’d be just like _The Sandlot_.”

“Yeah, except the dog I ended up _running from_ really did hate everyone,” she shot back indignantly.

She punched him in the arm when he continued to laugh.

“And then I stepped in dog poop while I sprinted back to climb the fence!”

Donghae clapped and warded off her feeble attempts to hit him again. “Oh god that was good,” he commented fondly after a few minutes.

“For you, maybe,” Taeyeon muttered darkly.

His only response was to pat her lightly on the head. She furrowed her brow and examined him with a confused expression.

“Wait,” she asked slowly, “why did you bring that up?”

The mischievous grin forming on his features did nothing to soothe her apprehension. Slowly, he began to skate forward. She was still holding onto his arm for support, and found herself getting pulled along.

_“Donghae, don’t,”_ she started warningly.

“You better let go now or hang on tight,” he answered with a wink, picking his pace up a little.

“You know I’m going to fall either way!”

He shrugged. “Guess you need to decide whether you want it to be sooner or later then.” With that said, he began skating away from the wall at a normal speed, ignoring Taeyeon’s protests. Feeling her legs wobble again beneath her, she swore at him and reluctantly let go, throwing out her arms in an attempt to keep her balance.

It didn’t help.

She coasted along for about two feet as a result of his momentum until her feet gave out and sent her sprawling. She landed with a thud.

“I hate you,” she called, sitting up and glaring at him.

He grinned cheekily at her once more before skating off around the rest of the rink, shooting finger guns at some of the other patrons before sneaking up behind Henry to throw him off balance as well. Taeyeon rolled her eyes as she watched him go. She looked around for her other friends.

Yoona appeared to be surprisingly adept at ice-skating, as she had taken to gliding smoothly beside Yuri and Tiffany while she laughed at their miserable attempts to skate properly. While Yuri had long given up and had somehow acquired one of the small plastic walkers provided to assist young children who were just learning how to skate, Tiffany clung timidly to the sidewall, her feet shuffling a little as she all but pulled herself along. Taeyeon had just started to wonder where Wooyoung had gotten off to when a hand stuck itself into her line of peripheral vision.

She looked up and found him standing next to her, grinning in amusement at her current predicament. She eyed the offered hand warily and glanced back up at his face.

“What,” she asked, “no joke about my ice-skating skills?”

“What ice-skating skills?” he returned without missing a beat.

Seeing that she wasn’t ready to take the helping hand just yet, he let it drop down to his side and circled her slowly.

“Why are you so good at this?” Taeyeon demanded irritably.

He shrugged and laughed a little. “Admit it, Taeng, you’re not better than me at everything.”

“Right, just _most_ things.”

Instead of answering with a smart retort like she expected him to, Wooyoung just smiled to himself and shook his head. He circled around once more before coming to a halt directly in front of her. He held his hands out again.

“Why don’t you let me help you with this thing?” he offered kindly.

This time she slipped her hands into his, allowing him to pull her off the ice. She still lost her balance once she was back on her feet and lurched forward unsteadily, but he held on with a firm grip and kept her upright. Taeyeon let out a nervous chuckle.

Wooyoung grinned again. “Ready?”

Taeyeon just nodded quietly. Slowly, he began to skate backwards, guiding her along as he went. She ducked her head a little to hide a smile of her own.

She had to agree with Tiffany about ice-skating.

\---

She was sitting at a long countertop facing the rink with Donghae, Tiffany, Yuri, and Yoona when Donghae’s phone rang. They had been gossiping as usual; Taeyeon had only been pretending to pay attention until she heard Yoona mention Hyomin Park’s name. She perked up as she listened to the conversation.

Taeyeon had never known Hyomin very well, as only a few people in their sizeable group of friends had ever really talked to her that often. At one point earlier in middle school, Tiffany, Yoona, and Sunny had all been amicable with her, but nowadays Sunny was the only one she still spent time with. Apparently, her parents were almost never home and she had an older sister who regularly took her out to high school parties and helped her experiment with different drugs, but Taeyeon didn’t know if that was simply another rumor. In fact, there were only two things that Taeyeon knew for certain about this other girl.

One: she had a few classes with Jessica and they had recently started hanging out together more often. Two: she was going to be trouble.

So when Donghae checked the caller ID and muttered, “Speak of the devil,” Taeyeon finally paid attention. Everyone went quiet for a moment before Tiffany nudged him.

“Why does she have your number?”

Donghae shrugged. “No idea – but she’s been trying to hook up for awhile.”

“Put it on speaker,” Tiffany said.

He hesitated, his finger hovering uncertainly over the screen while he debated over answering it. In spite of herself, Taeyeon leaned forward in her seat along with Yuri and Yoona. Donghae glanced in her direction for some sort of confirmation on how to proceed; she could see his eyes widen momentarily at her eager expression. She was surprised by it too, but for whatever reason she was extremely interested in hearing what Hyomin had to say. After a beat, she inclined her head in the barest of nods. Donghae looked back down and answered the call.

Almost at once, a loud voice erupted on the other end of the line.

They all winced away simultaneously at the barrage of slurred words and sobs. Tiffany and Yoona tittered awkwardly as Donghae did his best to navigate through conversation with a clearly intoxicated Hyomin, while Yuri simply stared at the phone in disgust. Taeyeon regretted encouraging Donghae to answer the call in the first place and was about to get up with an excuse about refilling her soda when something Hyomin yelled finally came through clear enough for her to understand.

_“AND I DON’T KNOW WHERE JESSICA WENT. I LOST HER, DONGHAE.”_

All eyes turned towards Taeyeon, who froze. _That’s right_ – she had completely forgotten that Jessica had told her earlier she had plans to sleep over Hyomin’s house that night. She sat there for a few seconds, her body rigid as she stared at the phone in angry disbelief until Wooyoung and Henry walked over to the table with several bags of French fries and assorted candy. Hyomin kept babbling.

“What’s going on?” Henry inquired.

Taeyeon heard Yuri murmur an answer in response, but just shook her head and got up from the table, pulling out her own phone as she went.

Wooyoung glanced at her in confusion. “What are you doing?”

“Calling Jessica,” Taeyeon answered briskly without breaking her stride.

“Taeng, you only have socks on,” someone reminded her.

She didn’t hear them.

The line rang for nine excruciatingly long seconds before Jessica finally picked up. By that time Taeyeon had made it through the lobby and had begun pacing back and forth outside in front of the doors. The hoodie that had been keeping her warm on the ice rink began to cling to her uncomfortably, whether from the lingering summer heat or pure anxiety, she couldn’t tell.

_“Heeey, Taengoo!”_ Jessica greeted when she answered.

“Hi Sica,” Taeyeon replied as calmly as possible. “Is everything okay right now?”

There was a pause on the other end, and for a few seconds she couldn’t hear anything other than her own breathing.

“Jessica?”

“I ran away.”

“Away where?”

Another pause. “I dunno. Somewhere down the street’s all…I think?”

Taeyeon closed her eyes briefly and ran a hand through her hair. By the giggling coming through the line, she could tell Jessica was very, very drunk and while she had dealt with that on several earlier occasions, there was an edge to her voice that Taeyeon hadn’t heard before.

“Taengoo the stars are so pretty! _Can you see the stars?_ There’s so many, wow,” Jessica rambled on.

“What are you doing?”

“Tryin’ to count the stars – _jeez this is hard.”_

Taking a deep breath, Taeyeon tried again. “Jessica,” she asked slowly, “can you still see Hyomin’s house from where you’re standing now?”

_“Sitting,”_ Jessica corrected in a childish tone.

Taeyeon resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Okay, sitting. Can you –”

“Can you come get me?” interrupted Jessica, her voice taking on a sudden note of hysteria.

“No – I – I’m sorry Jess, I don’t have a car or anything and Hyomin’s house is too far for me to walk,” Taeyeon told her apologetically.

“I left because Hyomin’s sister’s crazy,” was all Jessica said in response.

“If I could walk to you, I would.”

“I know Taengoo.”

Taeyeon nodded, and, remembering that Jessica couldn’t see her, frowned a little. “What did Hyomin’s sister do?” she questioned after a second.

Jessica’s words began to slur together, and Taeyeon had to strain to understand exactly what she was saying. She heard something about alcohol, which was unsurprising, but the next sentence came through more clearly.

“And there were some pills. Things changed after.”

Taeyeon immediately stopped pacing.

“I don’t feel too good, Taengoo,” Jessica mumbled on the other end, her voice beginning to reach that note of hysteria again.

“How many did you have?”

“Just one.”

“Okay,” Taeyeon answered, allowing herself to relax slightly. “Can you see Hyomin’s house from where you are right now?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“Then you need to go straight back there.”

“But I don’t wanna go there,” responded Jessica in a small voice.

Taeyeon closed her eyes briefly and swallowed hard – she didn’t want Jessica going back there right now either, but they didn’t have any other options.

“I know,” she said soothingly, “but you can’t sit outside by yourself for the rest of the night. It’s getting late. Even if you just go lock yourself in Hyomin’s bedroom or something, it’s better than you being out right now. Please do this for me, Sica?”

For a moment nothing but silence came through.

_“Jessica?”_ Taeyeon checked in an alarmed tone.

A light giggle answered her. “Sorry Taengoo, forgot you can’t see me nodding.”

“Put your phone away while you’re walking back, but text me when you get back inside,” instructed Taeyeon firmly.

“Okey dokey.”

“And call me if you need anything,” Taeyeon added.

Jessica said something unintelligible in response.

Taeyeon furrowed her brow in confusion. “What?”

“I love you, Taengoo.”

In spite of the situation and all of her current anxiety, a small smile graced Taeyeon’s features. She looked down at her feet and shoved her hands in her pockets, curling her toes over the edge of the curb.

“I know,” she replied softly.

“Do you love me too?”

She hesitated for a beat before answering this time, wondering why she felt the beginnings of a blush creep up her cheeks. “You know I do,” she said truthfully.

Jessica whooped happily on the other end of the line, causing Taeyeon to shake her head.

“Okay, start heading back,” Taeyeon ordered, “and don’t forget to text me.”

She waited until she heard something that sounded close enough to assent before hanging up. For a few seconds, she just stood alone on the sidewalk, trying to get her heartbeat under control. _Jessica’s going to be fine,_ she told herself. _And I’ll stay up all night texting her if that’s what it takes._ She sighed and ran a hand through her hair again. The sound of tentative footsteps behind her caused her to break out of her reverie and turn around.

Yuri stood there, watching her uncertainly. Taeyeon blinked at her. A long moment passed between them in silence.

“She’s fine, right?”

It took Taeyeon a second to find her voice, but she answered Yuri’s question in the calmest tone she could muster.

“Honestly, I’m not sure.”

“This is why I don’t like Hyomin.”

Taeyeon’s eyebrows went up in astonishment. She could barely recall a time before this when Yuri had ever voluntarily held a conversation with her that didn’t contain barely concealed insults or pointed glares.

“Me neither,” she concurred. “I don’t trust her.”

Yuri nodded in response for a few seconds. Taeyeon wasn’t sure of what else to say, but she didn’t want to ruin the first somewhat amicable conversation she had ever had with the other girl.

“Hey, we finally agree on something,” she offered lightly.

Yuri snorted and turned to return inside. “Don’t get used to it.”

_And moment over,_ Taeyeon thought dryly. She glanced at her phone unconsciously, hoping Jessica would text her soon.

_Please be okay._

\---

When she walked back inside, the rest of her friends were back out on the ice making the most of their last hour at the rink. For a few moments Taeyeon just watched them circle around. Donghae, Wooyoung, and Henry looked like they were in the midst of a heated race, and kept attempting to shove one another off-balance; Yoona’s skating skills regressed conveniently just as she passed a cute boy about their age, and he appeared kind enough to offer to help her along; Yuri had finally found her balance on the ice and could now move at a decent pace, but kept slowing down to accommodate Tiffany, who still couldn’t do much more beyond pull herself along the wall and had to hang on to Yuri for support every few feet as a result.  

Taeyeon smiled a little, but turned and walked back to the table where they had been sitting before. She had left her skates tied together and thrown over the back of her chair. Taking care to untie the laces, she slowly made her way back over to the rental booth and handed them back in. Tiffany came wobbling over with Yuri trailing her just as the attendant returned Taeyeon’s sneakers to her.

“You’re not going back out?” Tiffany questioned while Taeyeon sat down and began slipping her shoes back on.

Taeyeon shook her head.

“Tae –”

“Tiffany, not right now, please.”

She could feel both of them watching her warily, but kept her head down and continued pulling at her laces. Tiffany took a few shaky steps, somehow equally as awkward in her skates on the floor as she was on the ice, and plopped down on the bench next to Taeyeon.

“God I can’t even walk right in these things,” Tiffany mumbled. Taeyeon managed a small smile.

“Is it because of Jessica?” she asked.

Taeyeon glanced up at her sharply. _“Look, I know you don’t like her but –”_

“I didn’t mean it like that!” interrupted Tiffany quickly. Yuri moved over to stand in front of them, but remained silent with her arms crossed. She looked between them carefully.

“I’m not _that_ bad,” Tiffany continued in a calmer voice. “Is she alright?”

After a moment, Taeyeon shook her head slowly without looking at either of them. “Not really, but I’m going to make sure nothing happens to her.”

Tiffany seemed like she still had something else to say, but when she opened her mouth again Yuri nudged her lightly with her foot and silently shook her head. The action finally prompted Taeyeon to look up with barely concealed surprise. As Yuri held her hands out to pull Tiffany up from the bench, she and Taeyeon locked gazes briefly; Yuri gave her the slightest of nods. Tiffany allowed Yuri to guide her away from the bench, but not without patting Taeyeon’s shoulder and shooting her one last sympathetic look. Taeyeon didn’t say anything as they walked back towards the rink. She felt a twinge of guilt for sitting by herself instead of spending time with the rest of her friends, but soon forgot as her phone buzzed. Jessica had finally made it up to an empty room in Hyomin’s house.

If the next forty-five minutes passed at an agonizingly slow pace, with the minutes between Jessica’s text messages feeling like complete eternities, the hour that came after went by in a total blur.

After the skating rink closed, they all piled into Donghae’s SUV (or his mother’s SUV to be exact, who was out of town and unaware that her son had commandeered her vehicle a month shy of actually receiving his license). Wooyoung and Yoona battled it out for a few minutes over who got to ride shotgun, but Yoona prevailed in the end. Henry, Tiffany, and Yuri had already filled in the backseat during the argument, so Wooyoung was relegated to sitting in the trunk with Taeyeon. As they sat facing each other on opposite sides of the space, he tried to draw her attention away from her phone, but Taeyeon couldn’t find the effort to humor him.

She didn’t even realize that they had made it back to Wooyoung’s house until Henry lifted the trunk door to let them out. She trailed a few feet behind the rest of the group as they walked up the driveway, her eyes glued to her phone screen while she typed up a text message. Jessica’s responses had been growing increasingly incomprehensible and Taeyeon could focus on little else. She felt like her anxiety was going to consume her entirely at any moment.

Wooyoung led the way through his house and down to the basement. Taeyeon couldn’t pay attention long enough even to marvel at the grandiose furnishings in the Jang’s mansion like she usually did, but was briefly aware of Wooyoung mentioning to Donghae that his parents weren’t home. _As always,_ she heard him add with a sigh. She tuned out of the conversation after that.

While the others spread themselves out around the basement to play air hockey, ping-pong, and video games, Taeyeon took a seat on the long sectional sofa instead. She barely moved for the rest of the night.

Every so often one of her friends would come over and attempt to rouse her into playing with them, but she ignored them. Henry punched her shoulder, Wooyoung tugged on her leg, Yoona pulled at her hands, but Taeyeon just kept shaking her head. Even Yuri took turns with Tiffany trying to reassure her that none of what was going on at Hyomin’s house was her fault. There was nothing to worry about; they had simply gotten a little too drunk and would have to deal with the consequences themselves. _There’s nothing you can do right now, Tae._ She felt Tiffany pat her leg and the agonizing concern bubble higher in her chest.

She rolled those words over again in her head. _Nothing you can do._

That scared her the most.

\---

Wooyoung insisted on walking her out when it was time for her to leave. It made no difference to Taeyeon. She tried to answer his questions as they walked out to the front yard, but only managed one-word responses. A new message popped up as they reached the end of the driveway.

_I needa call you._

He tapped her shoulder. Taeyeon finally stopped and looked up. She tried to smile at him, but he only sighed at her.

“I’m sorry,” she said automatically.

He shook his head and smiled a little. “Just try to forget about it, okay?”

Taeyeon nodded. She didn’t say anything else, but waved and turned away towards the curb where her father’s parked car sat waiting. She didn’t look back as she got into the front seat and mumbled a hello to her father. She returned her attention to her phone.

_Just give me fifteen minutes._

\---

Her father had barely brought the car to a full stop before Taeyeon threw open the passenger door and hurtled out of the car. It wasn’t until she jumped up the couple of steps in the garage leading into her house that she remembered she needed him to unlock the door.

“Someone’s in a hurry,” he commented as he walked up behind her.

Not trusting her voice, Taeyeon just smiled weakly at him and nodded. His keys jingled in the lock for a few seconds before he pushed the door open and gestured for Taeyeon to go ahead.

She didn’t need to be told twice. She kicked her sneakers off and left them strewn about the laundry room, wasting no time in sprinting upstairs. Her father hadn’t even made it into the kitchen before she had shut and locked her bedroom door behind her. Fumbling with her phone, she dialed Jessica’s number in a hurry. At the last second, she hesitated with her finger over the call button. She glanced back at the door and listened carefully for a moment; she hadn’t heard any heavy footsteps come up the stairs, and she thought she could hear the faint sounds of the television from downstairs. Hopefully her father would fall asleep on the couch for a couple of hours like he usually did.

Slowly, she went over to her bed and sat down on the edge, staring at her phone. Taking a deep breath, she hit send and raised the phone to her ear.

Jessica answered almost immediately. “ _Taengoo?”_

“I’m here. Is everything okay?”

“Yep – or, no…I don’t know…”

Taeyeon frowned. “Are you crying?”

“Nuh-uh – I mean I was…I guess I still kinda am,” replied Jessica in a thick voice. Taeyeon could hear air rushing through the receiver.

“Where are you right now?” she asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.

“Out on the balcony.”

Taeyeon sprang up off her bed almost at once. She could feel her heart racing suddenly. “Can you do me a favor and go back inside? Please?”

“It’s not that high – it’s only on the second floor I think…wow this is a high second floor. Maybe if I tried to –”

_“No, Jessica, seriously. Go back inside.”_

“But Hyomin’s yelling and screaming and it’s freaking me out.”

“Tell her to call me.”

Jessica’s response was so quiet that Taeyeon had to ask her to repeat herself.

“You can’t hang up on me,” she said again in a louder voice.

“I won’t,” Taeyeon reassured her. “Why don’t you just hand her your phone and let her talk to me for a minute?”

“And then you’ll keep talking to me, right Taengoo?”

“Of course.”

A moment passed in silence and she heard Jessica slide open the balcony door. Hyomin’s voice immediately came through, loud and crazed in comparison to Jessica’s tearful tone.

_“SHE’S ON THE BALCONY,”_ Hyomin told her as soon as she picked up.

Taeyeon exhaled and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “Yes, I’m very aware of that, thank you Hyomin. Now I need –”

_“She needs to come back inside! We’re not supposed to be out there when my parents aren’t home and my sister’s freakin’ out!”_

_You’re probably not supposed to be drinking and doing drugs either,_ Taeyeon wanted to retort. “I know, I get it,” she responded instead.

“Okay, but –”

“ _No, Hyomin, I need you to shut up,”_ Taeyeon interrupted. She ran a hand through her hair and took a calming breath. “Listen to me for two seconds.”

Finally, silence.

“Are you listening?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I will get her back inside, and when I do you’re not going to bother her again. You’re going to let her sleep in a room that does _not_ have a balcony or anything and keep whatever party’s going on downstairs. If you just leave and stop yelling at her, I can take care of this,” Taeyeon informed her in a businesslike tone.

“I – I’m –”

“Hyomin can you just give the phone back to Jessica and go away so I can fix all of our problems?”

“It’s _my_ house,” came a petulant response.

“And she’s _your_ guest, but that doesn’t seem to mean anything to you.”

_“I don’ like you,”_ Hyomin slurred.

This time Taeyeon did roll her eyes. “I know. I don’t really care – I just need to make sure Jessica’s okay, since you can’t.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. Taeyeon waited.

“I guess.”

“Good. Now give Sica her phone back.”

“ _’Kay._ ”

“And Hyomin?”

“What?”

“If anything happens to her, you’re going to have a bigger problem than simply not liking me.”

Apparently, Hyomin didn’t feel particularly inclined to respond to that, as Jessica’s voice was the next to come through the line again.

“Taengoo? _You didn’t leave me right?_ ” she asked, panic evident in her tone.

“No, I’m still here,” Taeyeon told her gently. “Did she leave?”

“Mhm.”

“Okay good,” she said, letting out a small sigh of relief. “Why don’t you –?”

“Taeyeon, you might not know it, but you’re my bestest friend,” Jessica interrupted earnestly, her voice an octave higher than usual. “I might not be that to you ‘cause of Sooyoung and Yoona and Tiffany and alls, but you are to me. Can I be your bestest friend?”

She was slightly confused by the outburst. An uncomfortable sensation began to build in her chest, but Taeyeon couldn’t quite put a name to it. She started pacing about her room.

“Of course. Just promise me you’ll go inside and go to sleep without doing anything else tonight, okay?”

_“Really?”_ Jessica exclaimed happily on the other end.

 “Yes.”

Taeyeon blinked, still wondering why her chest felt so tight. She didn’t understand why Jessica was so surprised.

“Good, ‘cause I wasn’t sure if I mattered and I was gonna end my life ‘cause I don’t know where I belonged anymore,” Jessica told her airily.

Taeyeon froze. She heard Jessica slide the balcony door open once more and then close it behind her as she made her way inside. Heard Jessica narrate the short journey down the hall to find a different bedroom to sleep in for the night. Heard her lock the door. Heard that she was safe, at least from any real physical harm.

And yet, where relief should have washed over her, the rough sensation in her chest intensified at Jessica’s words instead. She could name it now: _guilt._

Guilt and fear.

_How much blame was on her hands for how Jessica was behaving tonight?_

“Taengoo? You didn’t hang up did you?”

“Sica, promise me that you won’t think about ending your life anymore,” Taeyeon answered, her voice barely of a whisper.

“Promise,” Jessica agreed.

Taeyeon swallowed and nodded once to herself. Her throat still felt dry and she could tell the blood had drained from her face, but she kept her voice from betraying just how badly she was cracking.

“Get some sleep, okay?”

“I will. G’night Taengoo.”

“Night…and Sica?”

“Hmm?”

 “As long as I’m around you’ll always belong somewhere.”

\---

She barely slept that night.

Having told Jessica to call her if anything else happened, Taeyeon finally hung up and let out a heavy breath. She remained standing in the middle of her bedroom for several minutes, numbly turning Jessica’s confession over in her mind. Coupled with the knowledge that she had been out on a balcony alone…Taeyeon exhaled again and forced herself to move.

She left her phone beside her pillow as she tried to fall asleep, the ringer turned as loud as it could go just in case she was sleeping and Jessica called her. But she didn’t fall asleep until it was nearly sunrise, and Jessica didn’t call again that night. She didn’t even call the next morning when Taeyeon had woken up after three hours of fitful sleep. She didn’t call as the day progressed and moved into the afternoon. By four o’clock Taeyeon couldn’t hold out any longer – she finally texted Nicole to check on her.

Nicole assured her that everything was okay. Jessica returned home earlier that morning, slept until noon, and had appeared fine since then. Taeyeon thanked her.

She stayed in her room for the most of the weekend. Her father knocked on her door every so often and tried to engage her, but Taeyeon brushed him off, citing that she had homework to do. Her homework had only taken a couple of hours though, and afterwards she spent several hours laying on her bed listening to music. She didn’t know what to do with herself. She didn’t know why Jessica hadn’t called, or even texted.

At some point on Sunday it started raining. For the first time all weekend, Taeyeon felt compelled to go outside. As she grabbed her phone and made to head downstairs to sit out on the porch, she paused in the doorway and looked back. For a moment she studied the pattern of raindrops sliding down her windows, and after some thought she moved back into the room. She rummaged through her backpack and pulled out an extra notebook and a pen. She wasn’t sure why, but she wanted to write.

\---

“Are you okay?”

Jessica looked up from her locker in surprise. Taeyeon leaned against the next locker over, pulling on her backpack straps uncertainly. There was no one else in the hallway.

“Yeah,” answered Jessica after a moment. She smiled. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

Taeyeon furrowed her brow and frowned a little. “Is that a rhetorical question?”

Jessica made a face, but didn’t give an answer. She went back to going through her locker. Taeyeon sighed a little. Jessica had been avoiding this all day, pretending like nothing had happened as she usually did. Taeyeon had always let it go before, but she could feel her frustration building.

“What?” Jessica asked, glancing at her.

“We’re just going to pretend that nothing happened?”

“It’s over now, it’s not a big deal.”

“Are you kidding me?”

Jessica put her books down and turned to face Taeyeon. She searched her face for a few seconds without saying anything. Taeyeon set her jaw and waited.

“I was just a little drunk, that’s all,” Jessica told her.

“Oh, only a little?” retorted Taeyeon.

“Okay, a lot drunk,” Jessica conceded in an exasperated tone.

Taeyeon took a steadying breath and closed her eyes briefly. “So what you’re telling me is that none of what you said mattered?” she checked.

“Some of it did.”

“How much do you remember?”

“I know exactly what you’re referring to Taeyeon. About me asking if I could be your best friend.”

“No,” Taeyeon corrected, “the part right after that.”

Jessica’s eyes darkened momentarily at Taeyeon’s words. “I didn’t do it though, obviously.”

“Obviously, but that doesn’t make it any less of a big deal!” Taeyeon responded, her voice rising a bit.

“I was just drunk!”

_“You were on the balcony.”_

Jessica didn’t have a response to that. They stood staring at each other for several seconds.

“You shouldn’t have been drinking or anything anyway,” Taeyeon reprimanded finally.

“Oh okay, _thanks mom.”_

_“We’re in middle school!”_

“And I’ve done it before and you’ve never said anything about it!” Jessica pointed out furiously, turning back to her locker.

“This time was different and you know it,” Taeyeon shot back.

The bell rang. People started trickling into the hallway as the lunch period ended. Jessica put a few more notebooks in her backpack and closed her locker. The door slammed shut with ringing finality.

“Jess, look –”

_“Why are you getting so worked up about this?”_ Jessica demanded.

Taeyeon blinked, opened her mouth, and shut it again after a second. Jessica rolled her eyes and brushed by her without another word. Taeyeon stood alone, the now crowded hallway seemingly oblivious to her presence. After a few moments she sighed and began walking to her next class. She played the end of their argument over again in her head. One thought followed her all the way to class.

_Why am I getting so worked up about this?_

\---

They didn’t speak for the rest of the week. They didn’t have any classes together other than homeroom so it was relatively simple to avoid one another. Taeyeon rolled her eyes and pretended not to notice while Jessica sat chatting with Hyomin in the corner during homeroom periods anyway. She sat talking to Henry and Sunny instead, feeling Jessica’s eyes on her every so often. She refused to look up. They sat at separate tables during lunch and pointedly examined their phones whenever they passed each other in the halls.

At soccer practice after school, they were civil. Oddly enough, Yuri stepped up to ease any tension that arose instead of taking side against Taeyeon. Most of their teammates didn’t seem to notice anything was wrong. Taeyeon threw herself into practice like she always did, pretending like the week apart from Jessica wasn’t killing her inside. They had a big game to prepare for Friday, and she kept her focus on the upcoming match.

The school day passed quickly enough Friday, and Taeyeon soon found herself walking out to the field alone. She always did so before games in order to mentally prepare herself, but today it felt different. A couple of other girls on the team were already sitting by their bench to put on their cleats. Jessica got up from the bench just as Taeyeon sat down. She glanced as Jessica moved away to have a pass with one of the other girls.

“Are you okay?”

Taeyeon looked up in surprise. Yuri sat beside her on the bench, watching Taeyeon questioningly while pulling at the laces on her cleats. Taeyeon shrugged and began tying her own cleats.

“Just nervous, I guess,” she answered neutrally.

“You don’t get nervous.”

Taeyeon glanced up again, her eyebrows raised.

“You’ve never seemed nervous before,” Yuri explained. “And I can tell that you’re fighting with Jessica – you guys haven’t talked all week.”

“We had a… _disagreement_ about what happened last Friday night.”

Yuri nodded and looked out at the field. Taeyeon watched Jessica pass the ball to a teammate while she finished lacing up her cleats.

“I don’t blame you,” Yuri said finally, “for getting upset about it.”

“Oh.”

Taeyeon didn’t know what else to say. She had never talked to Yuri for this long, much less held a full amicable conversation with her.

“But I think maybe you’re not being clear enough about _why_ you’re upset with her either, and she needs to know that,” Yuri added.

Taeyeon nodded. She couldn’t argue with that.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” she asked.

Yuri glanced at her. “Big game today,” she said simply.

“Right…and?”

“And the team needs you to be on for this one.”

“Did you just admit that I’m good at soccer?”

“Sure, if that’ll make you play better,” Yuri responded. “Your shots were off during practices this week – Tiffany could kick better than that and we both know what a terrible athlete she is.”

Taeyeon just blinked for a second. Yuri actually smiled at her as she stood up.

“Pass with me for warm-ups,” she said, waving Taeyeon along.

_“What?_ I mean – y-yeah, sure,” Taeyeon responded, stumbling over her words. She checked her laces briefly and bounded off the bench after Yuri, grinning a little to herself.

This would be an interesting match.

\---

Five minutes to go in the second half and the game was tied with one goal for each team. Yuri had made a huge stop on defense and sent the ball across the field to Taeyeon, who was currently sprinting down the sideline towards the goal. She dribbled right by one defender with a simple step-over fake and sent the ball between another’s legs before cutting in closer towards the middle of the field. A defender started out from the box to meet her, but a few more feet and she’d be in shooting range. If she hit it well, she could place it directly in the opposite corner of the goal, just out of the keeper’s reach. If not, she could always hit one of her forwards.

She glanced over and saw Jessica and two of their teammates streaking towards the eighteen. They’d be open for a shot within seconds. Taeyeon took a larger touch, giving herself some distance between the ball to set up for a long strike.

_Three more steps, and then I’ll hit whichever option’s open fir–_

Out of nowhere, a defender from the opposing team came into her side, sliding with her cleats facing up to take out her legs. Completely blindsided, Taeyeon flew threw the air and landed with a solid thud. Her head slammed into the ground on impact.

She heard the whistle blow almost immediately. For a few seconds she could only lay there with her eyes closed as she tried to process what had happened. It felt strangely quiet. Her head throbbed. Taeyeon closed her eyes and tried to regain her breath. She needed to get up. She was usually up by now after a foul. They had four minutes left to play – what was she still doing on the ground?

Just as she attempted to move, someone fell to their knees beside her and leaned over to peer at her with evident concern. Taeyeon blinked. It was Jessica.

_“Are you okay?”_ she asked worriedly, glancing up and down to see if Taeyeon was seriously injured. “You usually hop right back up when you get knocked over.”

Taeyeon nodded a little and winced. Jessica noticed and put her hand to the top of Taeyeon’s head. She rubbed it gently.

“You hit it pretty hard, huh?”

“Yeah,” Taeyeon confirmed.

“Let’s try to get you to sit up so Coach doesn’t have to take you out,” Jessica suggested firmly. They both knew Taeyeon wouldn’t want a substitution with the game so close.

Taeyeon slowly pushed herself into a sitting position. Jessica kept a steadying hand on her shoulder, watching her carefully.

“Can you make it the last few minutes? We’re screwed if you can’t.”

“I know,” agreed Taeyeon, managing a small chuckle. “I’m not coming off.”

Jessica smiled. Taeyeon looked about to wave their coach off, signaling that she was fine to play. Yuri finally ran over, having jogged up from their defensive end of the field, and promptly began giving the opposing player a hard time.

_“Try that again and I’ll do the same to you before you even realize what hit you,”_ she threatened as she made her way over to Taeyeon. “That’s gotta be a yellow ref, c’mon.”

The referee shook his head, but awarded them a direct kick just outside the eighteen. Yuri flipped him off when he had his back turned, earning a laugh from her teammates.

“Did I hit my head extra hard or are you still being nice to me?” Taeyeon questioned lightly.

Yuri scrunched up her face for a beat before answering. “A little bit of both.”

They actually grinned at each other.

“Now can you get up please and score on these jerks? We have a game to win and it’s almost over,” she reminded Taeyeon.

“You got it.”

“Just don’t trip on your way to kick the ball, Kim.”

Taeyeon just shook her head and laughed as Yuri gave her a thumbs up and retreated back to center field. She looked back at Jessica, her smile faltering a bit.

“Can we go back to being friends now?”

Jessica gave her a wide smile and stood up, holding her hands out to pull Taeyeon up as well. “We were never _not_ friends, silly,” she replied.

“Okay good. I’m sorry about earlier, I was just worried and –”

“No it’s fine, I shouldn’t have gotten so defensive,” Jessica said, cutting her off with a wave of her hand. “But now’s not the time to worry about that.”

They both turned as the referee rolled the ball over to Taeyeon so she could set up for the direct kick. Taeyeon picked it up and glanced back at Jessica.

“I better make this one,” Taeyeon said as she walked to place the ball.

Jessica began moving away to stand in the box as Taeyeon backed up a few steps and took an angle at the goal.

“You will,” she said confidently with a smile.

Taeyeon grinned at her. She took a second to refocus herself. She noted the wall of defenders and the goalie’s positioning behind them. She took one more step back.

_Laces forward, ankle locked. Make contact slightly to the right of the laces for some curve. Lean back to lift it over the wall. Top left corner._

She made the shot.


	8. Chapter 8

The November chill had moved in swiftly, rustling the grass around Taeyeon’s feet with a slight breeze. She left the laces on her cleats untied and leaned back a little, resting her hands on the back edge of the bench. The rest of the fields were deserted – she had deliberately given herself enough time to get outside before the rest of the team. It was the last game of the season, and the last game of Taeyeon’s career at Heights Academy.

Instead of putting her headphones in like she usually did, she zipped up her warm-up jacket and pushed herself up off the bench. She’d given the freshmen a break and taken it upon herself to bring most of the equipment out to the field. As she walked around placing the corner flags, a wave of nostalgia hit her. It felt as though she had spent more than half her time at school out on those fields, and in a few short hours it would all be over.

Yuri was sitting on the bench by the time Taeyeon walked back over. They sat next to each other and laced up their cleats without a word.

“Big game today,” commented Yuri after a couple of minutes. “Finally our Senior Day.”

“Last chance for one more championship,” Taeyeon returned, bobbing her head in agreement.

Yuri nodded. “We’ll get it,” she said with a determined grin. “Those public school jerks don’t scare me.”

Taeyeon laughed. “They don’t stand a chance.”

“And the entire town will be out to watch.”

“Watch us embarrass Heights Public and receive our medals, you mean.”

They grinned at each other. Yuri held out her palm between them. Taeyeon slapped it in a high-five and they shook their hands together for a few seconds.

“It’s been an awesome ride, Yul.”

Yuri nodded again and stood from the bench, pulling Taeyeon up with her.

“Yeah, but it’s not over yet.”

\---

Their coach took several minutes out of their pre-game warm-up to walk the team over to the fans’ sideline and honor the seniors. Taeyeon ducked her head and glanced at her parents as the coach praised her achievements as a four-year varsity starter for the Heights Academy soccer team. They smiled at her proudly from opposite ends of the bleachers. After telling the crowd about Yuri’s time on the squad as well, he gave them both hugs. Two of the underclassmen handed them flower bouquets while the Heights Academy fans gave them a lengthy round of applause. In the past four years that Taeyeon and Yuri had been playing, the team had won three championships and qualified for the playoffs every year; the two of them had more than earned the school’s appreciation.

After taking a team picture, the team retreated back to the bench to get ready for the game. Their coach gave Yuri and Taeyeon a couple of minutes on their own to take pictures with their parents and friends. They took two with their big group of friends and then took a wide shot sitting in front of the entire sideline of fans. Taeyeon gave Sooyoung and Hyoyeon a high five and waved to the rest of their friends before jogging back over to the team with Yuri.

Their coach gave them the usual starting line up and didn’t say much other than to remind them how hard they had worked during the rest of the season. They all knew what was at stake.

The starters huddled up in the middle of their own half as they did before every game, their arms slung around each other’s shoulders and waists. The atmosphere had been light and easy as they had walked out together, but once in the huddle the jokes stopped and all eyes turned towards Taeyeon and Yuri.

“Well girls, you know this is it,” Yuri started. “For me and Taeng, this is _it._ We don’t get a second chance, so play hard and let us take home one last trophy, okay? I love every single one of you and can’t wait to celebrate with you guys at the semi-formal later tonight.”

They all grinned at each other, but Taeyeon quickly regained composure and kept them serious.

“Hey, hey,” she said, picking up after Yuri. “Let’s not forget that this game is not guaranteed. These are our rivals – public versus private. We’ve got a huge crowd for today, but don’t let that get in your heads. Enjoy it. Play for each other and leave it all out on the field. We don’t play to lose, right?”

“ _WE DON’T LOSE,”_ the team chorused back.

“That’s what I like to hear. Yuri, any last words?”

Yuri shrugged and put her hand in the center. They all piled their hands on and took one last look around at the group.

Yuri grinned at them and nodded seriously.

“Let’s go eff these public school girls up, ladies.”

\---

The game was tied with roughly two minutes left in the second half. The noise from the crowd had reached a peak, the fans from both schools relentless in their cheering. Taeyeon’s throat burned from inhaling all the cold air, but she ran tirelessly, riding her adrenaline and the fans’ chants. The match had been the most physical of the season, with players from both sides sneaking in extra hits wherever they could. Even without the championship at stake, their rivalry was as fierce as ever.

She put up her hand as Yuri stole the ball of a girl from the other team. Yuri looked up immediately, took a touch, and then sent a long pass across the field, placing the ball a few feet ahead for Taeyeon to run onto.

Taeyeon took it in stride and dribbled down the sideline with ease, the crowd urging her on with renewed fervor. She slowed as a defender came flying in to take her on. She faked cutting it back, then quickly sped forward again, flicking the ball through the other girl’s legs. She continued down the field at her previous pace. As she approached midfield, another two defenders streaked towards her, so she split them with a long pass to a teammate.

She kept sprinting though, putting her hand up again to point down the field and ask for a give-and-go. Her teammate caught on immediately and dribbled a bit before sending the ball back her way. It sailed high through the air, and Taeyeon had to double her effort to reach it before it flew out of bounds. Just as she rose up to meet it at centerfield line, she felt a hand grasp the back of her jersey and begin pulling her back down. A body slammed into her on the left in the same instant.

The whistle blew as Taeyeon fell hard and slid a few feet, coming to a stop just inside the sideline. The crowd’s noise swelled in a mixture of cheers from Public’s end and boos from the Heights Academy fans. Taeyeon moved to get up, but her opponent took care to step on her before walking over towards the ref, who frantically began searching for a yellow card.

She rolled over and buried her face in the grass momentarily, wincing and clutching the spot where the other girl had just stepped. She kept her eyes closed, but could hear Tiffany and Wooyoung’s voices echoing from the bleachers nearest her, demanding that the other team’s player get ejected and get some class. Sunny and Yoona hurled obscenities at the girl, who was still standing near Taeyeon with a few of her own teammates.

Taeyeon registered that some of the underclassmen on her team were getting into it with the other team as they rushed over to check on her. She blinked a few times, trying to refocus and regain her breath.

_Get up. Get up. Get up. They need you._

She forced her eyes open and took in the sideline. Fans from both sides were screaming like crazy, clearly egging on whatever argument was going on around her. Everyone’s eyes were directed feet behind her. All but one.

Taeyeon blinked again, suddenly wondering if she was hallucinating.

Wavy blonde hair, bundled up in Public’s colors, hand over her mouth, and eyes watching her with… _concern?_ Taeyeon shut her eyes briefly and reopened them again.

_Jessica._

She almost smiled, thinking bitterly of how three years ago Jessica would’ve already been out on the field by her side and checking on her frantically. Now she stood feet away, staring at her with worried eyes, but without saying anything. This was the closest they had been in three years. They were still so far apart.

Taeyeon finally rolled over onto her back just as Yuri ran into the fray. The argument between both teams had evolved into a full-on shouting match as players started shoving each other. She watched as Yuri marched right up to the girl who had fouled her earlier.

“ _Hey, thirty-nine! Just because you no-class losers can’t beat us with talent doesn’t mean you get to run around hurting our players.”_

The girl sneered something back and made to turn away, but Yuri grabbed her jersey and kept yelling.

_“LISTEN YOU FUC-“_

“Twenty-one that is more than enough, I’ve already carded her,” the referee interrupted, quickly stepping in to separate them.

Yuri backed off, but not before shooting the other girl another glare. She quickly made her way over to Taeyeon, waving the rest of the team to go huddle up by the bench.

“You gotta sit up, Taeng, we can’t afford to have you taken out now,” she said as she knelt down.

Taeyeon nodded and held out her hands, allowing Yuri to pull her into a sitting position. She took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes again.

“Come on, go score on these bitches, Taeng. We have a game to win, remember?”

“This is how we became friends four years ago,” responded Taeyeon with a grin. “You said almost the exact same thing when we were in eighth grade.”

Yuri’s smile grew to match hers and they both nodded at each other for a few seconds. She glanced towards the sideline and gestured towards one of the bleachers subtly with her index finger.

“Jessica’s even here too,” she remarked in a low voice.

Taeyeon swallowed but didn’t look again. “I know.”

“Better put on a good show then,” Yuri told her firmly.

“You got it.”

Yuri helped her to her feet, clapping her on the back before retreating to the defensive end. The ref checked to make sure she was okay before handing her the ball for a free kick. Taeyeon backed up a couple of feet until she was sure that her forwards and midfielders were in place around the eighteen. Just as she was about to take the kick, she stopped.

“Wait – Yuri,” she called, waving her back over.

Yuri jogged over, her eyebrows raised questioningly.

“You can kick further than I can,” Taeyeon offered as way of explanation. “Just get it in the box for me.”

“Can do,” answered Yuri confidently.

Taeyeon ran over to join the rest of her teammates around the top of the eighteen and looked back. She put a hand up to signal that they were ready. Yuri nodded and took the kick, sending it high through the air towards the far post. It went a little over Taeyeon’s head, but one of their teammates got a foot on it and hit it at the goal. The crowd groaned as it ricocheted off the crossbar.

Their disappointment lasted only a second though, as Taeyeon came flying past a line of defenders and volleyed the rebound straight into the back of the net. The goalie barely had time to react.

At once, the crowd erupted into cheers. Taeyeon’s teammates tackled her in a giant group hug, but even as they all laughed their way back to the center circle, she kept reminding them that there was a minute left to play. They couldn’t give up a goal now.

And they didn’t.

Number thirty-nine on the other team, the same girl from before, looked like she was going to make an uncontested break towards the goal, but Yuri came rushing in out of nowhere and sent the girl sprawling. The ref held his whistle and Yuri cleared the ball out of their half.

Thirty seconds later, the ref blew the final whistle. As the bleachers emptied, Taeyeon headed straight for Yuri, the two of them meeting in an excited hug at midfield. The crowd gave them enough space to receive their medals, but as soon as the coach handed Taeyeon the championship trophy and stepped away, they closed in, cheering and hugging everyone on the team. Tiffany and Sooyoung weaved through the mass of people with the rest of their friends close behind.

Instead of going straight over to Yuri like Taeyeon expected, Tiffany threw her arms around Taeyeon, leaving Sooyoung to wrap them both up in a hug. Hyoyeon and Yoona all but tackled Yuri, while Wooyoung and Sunny stood between both to congratulate them. Taeyeon soon found herself being lifted into the air on Henry’s shoulders. She just laughed and raised the trophy triumphantly, earning a roar of approval from the crowd below.

Passing it off to Yuri with a grin, she scanned the sideline from her perch atop Henry’s shoulders. She craned her neck, trying to find Jessica once more. Her smile dropped a little when she finally recognized her walking back towards the parking lot. Taeyeon wondered if she’d ever get used to the sinking feeling in her stomach that always came from watching Jessica walk away from her.

Looking away, she tapped Henry to put her down. She plastered a smile back onto her face and let the warmth of the crowd welcome her back in.

\---

“Sorry we’re late!” Taeyeon called as she burst into the room with Yuri in tow.

Hyoyeon shook her head at them in response. There were three dresses laid out on the bed in front of her.

“Yeah, yeah – Seohyun doesn’t even have a car and she made it here before you guys,” she reprimanded, jerking her finger towards the younger girl.

“To be fair, you _did_ pick me up on the way here,” Seohyun pointed out with a small smile. Taeyeon and Yuri both smirked at Hyoyeon simultaneously, who just waved them off with a laugh.

“You guys aren’t late anyway,” Sooyoung informed them as she walked in from the hall. She went to her closet to retrieve a curling iron. “I purposely told you guys to get here earlier than you needed to because I knew you’d be late.”

“We are not _always_ late,” protested Taeyeon.

“Yeah, and excuse us for being a little busy earlier bringing some prestige to this school’s athletic program,” Yuri added, puffing her chest out dramatically.

“Oh stop, you probably wasted half an hour in the locker room just admiring your medals,” Sooyoung retorted.

“Touché,” Taeyeon conceded. She smacked Yuri’s stomach lightly to get her moving and made her way over to the bed to help Hyoyeon choose an outfit. Yuri threw her own dress over the back of a chair and sat down on the floor by Seohyun to pick out make-up.

“Having trouble deciding?” Taeyeon asked, coming to rest her arm on Hyoyeon’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” said Hyoyeon sadly, “it’s just that I’d look _so good_ in all of them.”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes, but couldn’t contain her laughter. She shoved Hyoyeon lightly and shook her head.

“Wow, I just _love_ your modesty.”

Hyoyeon winked at her, but gestured back to the three dresses. “I know, I know. But seriously, which one do you like best?”

Taeyeon scrunched up her face in contemplation as she regarded the different dresses. Two completely black, and one deep red.

“I’d go for the color,” she said after a minute.

Hyoyeon nodded in agreement. “Okay, yeah, good call.”

The next half hour or so passed quickly as the five of them moved between the bathroom and Sooyoung’s bedroom while they got ready. Hyoyeon had pulled up a playlist on Sooyoung’s laptop and they frequently broke into song and dance while pulling on their dresses. As usual, Taeyeon finished first and sat perched on the edge of the bed talking Yuri through potential shoe options.

“Taeyeon, you didn’t do anything with your hair,” Sooyoung remarked as she pulled a pair of heels out of her closet for Seohyun to wear.

Taeyeon ran a hand through her hair and blinked at her.

“What’s wrong with it?”

“That’s not what I meant –”

_“Hello,”_ interrupted Yuri. “Still kind of having a footwear crisis over here.”

“I told you the last three you tried on were all fine,” Taeyeon replied with a light smile. “It’s not a big deal.”

“Easy for you to say – navy blue matches everything so you had your heels picked out in a second!”

Taeyeon shook her head, trying to hold back her chuckle for Yuri’s sake. Seohyun sat down on the bed next to her to slip into the shoes Sooyoung had lent her.

“Why don’t you were those?” she suggested diplomatically, pointing to a pair Yuri had already discarded. “Black matches everything, including your green dress.”

Taeyeon shared an exasperated look with Seohyun as Yuri reluctantly agreed and began pulling them on despite having tried them on fifteen minutes earlier.

“Taeyeon, your hair,” Sooyoung reminded her.

“What about it?”

“You didn’t do anything with it!”

“Excuse you, I brushed it!”

Sooyoung pinched the bridge of her nose with one hand and pointed out the door with the other. “Bathroom,” she ordered. “ _Now.”_

\---

The night started well enough, with most of the student body and faculty taking the opportunity to congratulate Taeyeon, Yuri, and the rest of the players on the big win from earlier that day. Taeyeon moved among different groups, saying hi to underclassmen, taking photos with her friends, and conversing with several faculty members. She refused to step on the dance floor, however, and remained steadfast in her resolve to avoid it at all costs.

As most of her friends had skipped out to join the mass of people dancing in the center of the school’s dining hall, she eventually found a seat along the windows, content to take some time to herself. She needed a break from talking to everyone. She sat simply watching her peers fondly for several minutes before Tiffany walked over to sit with her.

“Still not dancing?” she asked with a knowing smile.

“It’s in everyone’s best interest that I refrain,” Taeyeon answered seriously.

Tiffany just shook her head and chuckled a little. She bumped their shoulders together after a moment. “Unless you go to prom, this could be your last chance,” she pointed out.

“Keep trying all you want, Tiff, it’s not happening.”

“Fine, you big party pooper.”

They sat in a companionable silence for a few more minutes. Taeyeon smiled as Hyoyeon and Henry got into a dance battle in the middle of the floor, the crowd parting around them excitedly.

“Wait, I just realized something,” she remarked. “You, Sunny, and Yoona didn’t get ready at Sooyoung’s with the rest of us.”

“Oh,” Tiffany replied in a noncommittal tone. “Yeah we went to Sunny’s.”

“Why? We all usually get together for stuff like this.”

Tiffany didn’t answer right away and averted her eyes. Taeyeon followed her gaze across the room. Yuri and Yoona were walking away in the direction of the bathroom.

“I know it’s none of my business if you don’t want to talk about it,” Taeyeon said slowly, “but did something happen with Yuri?”

Tiffany let out a sigh and looked down, fidgeting a little in her seat. “I don’t know if you remember – we argued the last time we were all at Sunny’s house.”

Taeyeon nodded.

“Well…Yuri told me that she – I mean – we just decided that it would be better if we were friends… _just_ friends,” Tiffany explained distractedly.

“I see,” responded Taeyeon quietly. “So it’s still a little awkward.”

“Yeah…it’s been a little rough with us the past few weeks.”

“Have you guys talked since?”

“Not really.”

“That doesn’t sound like ‘friends’ to me.”

Tiffany glanced up sharply, but checked herself when she realized Taeyeon was watching her with a gentle smile.

“No,” she agreed in a rueful voice, “it doesn’t.”

“So go be friends with her.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“It is,” Taeyeon countered. “I promise it is. I know she’d be happy to talk to you, even if it means navigating a bit of awkwardness at first.”

Tiffany groaned and smiled a little. “It’s gonna be _so_ awkward.”

“It won’t get better until you go talk to her,” said Taeyeon.

“I hate it when you’re right.”

“I’m always right.”

“Shut up, Taeyeon.”

Tiffany pretended to glare at her, but broke down under Taeyeon’s cheeky grin and pushed her lightly instead. They both laughed.

“Go,” Taeyeon encouraged. “You’re never going to get me to dance so you’re just wasting your time here.”

_“Fine,”_ Tiffany conceded, standing up and smoothing her dress. She glanced back before moving away. “Thanks, Tae.”

Taeyeon gave her a thumbs up. She sat for a few more minutes, turning their conversation over in her mind before walking back to the table where she and her friends had left their belongings. She retrieved her coat and slipped into it as she made her way outside. There was a weathered wooden bench a few feet down from the dining hall’s entrance. Taeyeon sat down and pulled out her phone.

She scrolled through her contacts, stopping when she reached Jessica’s name. For a minute she simply stared at the screen. It would be easy enough to text her – the game today had even given her an excuse to say hello. She blinked at the name for a few more seconds before sighing and exiting out of her contacts menu. She slid the phone back into her pocket, wishing she could take her own advice.


	9. Chapter 9

She thought she felt something vibrate under the pile of worksheets and notebooks she had laid out in front of her. Taeyeon paused her iPod and listened carefully for a moment.

_Bzzt._

Quickly, she began sliding her homework materials and fiction notes out of the way in an effort to find her phone. It took her a minute, but she finally unearthed it out from under a short stack of folders and checked her messages. She had two new texts from Jessica.

_Hey what are your plans for spring break this year?_

_Wait can you just call me?_

Taeyeon found Jessica’s speed dial on her phone and called her immediately, simultaneously getting up to close the door to the study. She went back and sat down at the desk, propping her feet up on the edge of the table as she waited for Jessica to pick up.

“Hey,” Jessica answered after a couple of rings. “I’m sorry I know you don’t like phone calls but I thought it’d just be better for this.”

“You know you’re one of the only people I’ll talk with on the phone so don’t worry about it,” Taeyeon replied. “What’s up?”

“Right. So are you doing anything for spring break?”

Taeyeon chewed her lip, trying to recall if either of her parents had said anything to her about any specific plans for that week. She doubted they had even considered it yet since it was still months away. “I don’t think so,” she told her after a beat.

Jessica made a humming noise on the other end. “Well then…would you want to maybe go to California with me?”

“Yeah,” Taeyeon responded immediately, sitting up in her chair. “As long as your parents are okay with it. And mine. But yeah.”

“Obviously my parents are okay with it, silly, they’re the ones who said I could bring a friend in the first place,” laughed Jessica.

“Oh yeah. Okay!”

“Okay cool. Are you sure? I mean, it’ll be for five whole days and my entire family’s coming with us, so you’d have to put up with my parents _and_ Nicole and Krystal, and I get it if you wouldn’t want to,” Jessica began babbling. “You don’t have to. I mean I know this is kind of sudden, but they just told me and –”

_“Sica,_ ” Taeyeon cut in.

“Hm?”

“I’d love to go, seriously.”

“You would?”

“I would.”

She heard Jessica let out something between a satisfied laugh and a sigh of relief and smiled. Taeyeon was confident her parents wouldn’t have a problem with it, and she could already feel her excitement growing at the mere prospect of the trip.

“This is going to be _so_ fun,” Jessica squealed. “Just ask your parents and tell them to call mine if they want to talk about it!”

Taeyeon nodded. “I will!”

“What are you doing now?”

“Homework,” Taeyeon answered flatly.

Jessica chuckled at her. “You’re coming over to get ready for the dance Friday night too, right?”

“Yep, I’m picking Sooyoung up on the way.”

“Okay good. _Don’t be late Taengoo.”_

“I make no promises,” replied Taeyeon in a serious tone. She broke into a grin as she could practically hear Jessica rolling her eyes on the other end of the line.

“You’re ridiculous,” was all Jessica said in response, unable to keep the note of amusement out of her voice.

“You love it,” Taeyeon countered.

“I do,” Jessica admitted. “I do.”

\---

Taeyeon fiddled with her jacket and ran her hands through her hair as she stood on the front step of the Jung’s house waiting for someone to answer the door. Her father and Sooyoung, who they had picked up on their way over, stood in front of her making small talk. She glanced down at herself for the hundredth time, trying to reassure herself. She sighed. Sooyoung heard and looked back at her briefly.

“You look fine, I promise,” she said.

Taeyeon nodded. She knew Sooyoung was right, but she still felt weird being dressed up. Earlier at lunch, her friends had convinced her to at least attempt looking put together for the night’s dance, and privately, Taeyeon _did_ think she looked pretty good. She wore light-wash skinny jeans, a sleeveless pink shirt, a thin black jacket over top, and a pair of white converse. It wasn’t much, but it was still more effort than she usually put forward in her fashion.

The front door swung open to reveal a smiling Mrs. Jung.

“Hello – oh Sooyoung you look very pretty. _Jessica! Sooyoung and Taeyeon –_ Taeyeon you’re back there right?”

Taeyeon stood on her tiptoes and waved. “Hi Mrs. Jung.”

“Hello dear – _Jessica they’re here!”_

“I know Mom, we’re coming,” replied a voice from the top of the stairs.

She rolled her eyes when her father began apologizing for their slight tardiness. As he and Sooyoung moved further inside to let her in as well, she tuned out while he criticized her apparent lack of time management skills. Taeyeon glanced up towards the staircase. She swore the next moment felt like a scene out of a movie.

She was briefly aware of Hyoyeon speaking excitedly and rushing down to hug her enthusiastically before moving to greet Sooyoung, but when she refocused her attention on the stairs fully, the rest of the room seemed to fall away. Jessica had paused on the landing, staring at Taeyeon with a tender look of sincere warmth. They locked eyes, and Taeyeon felt her friendly grin shrink slightly into the smaller, more genuine one she reserved for only a few people.

It was probably no more than a second or two, but Jessica seemed to linger there just staring at her before finally making her way down the steps to engulf Taeyeon in a tight hug. For the first time, Taeyeon wrapped her hands around Jessica’s back without thinking.

After a moment, Jessica pulled back, surprised but smiling.

“Did you just hug me back?” she asked.

Taeyeon laughed sheepishly. “I think so.”

They both giggled together for a few seconds. Jessica grasped her wrist and began pulling her upstairs, waving hello and goodbye to Mr. Kim as they went. Sooyoung and Hyoyeon said farewell to the adults and followed after the two of them as well.

“Yuri’s not coming?” Taeyeon asked as she allowed Jessica to pull her into her room. Jessica threw her a knowing glance.

“She should be here soon,” she answered. “So be nice.”

Taeyeon grinned, but shook her head. “That’s not what I meant – I was genuinely curious. Besides, I think we’re actually kind of friends now.”

Jessica beamed at her response. “That’s really good, Taengoo.”

Taeyeon tossed her bag on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed as Jessica moved around and began pulling clothes out of drawers. Hyoyeon and Sooyoung soon ran into the room, the former knocking Taeyeon over in a rambunctious hug. When she let go after a few seconds, she pulled back and took in Taeyeon’s outfit.

“If you’re wearing that then you’re just going to wait for the rest of us to get ready the whole time?”

Taeyeon opened her mouth, but Sooyoung cut in first.

“You could always let one of us do your make-up,” she suggested in singsong.

“Okay.”

_“WHAT?”_

Taeyeon laughed as the other three gaped at her in surprise.

Jessica blinked a few times, a small smile beginning to form on her lips. “Are you being serious?” she checked.

Taeyeon nodded, which set them off clapping and cheering excitedly. They quickly began chattering about what make-up would look best and who would get to do it and _oh-Tae-you’re-going-to-look-so-hot_ while she sat chuckling in amusement. It came down to an intense round of rock-paper-scissors, which Jessica won. She took a few more seconds to pull a top over her head and then grinned as she led Taeyeon down the hall to the bathroom. She had her hand on the doorknob when the doorbell rang downstairs. She paused, and Taeyeon backed up a step in case she wanted to go down and answer the door, but Jessica just continued into the bathroom.

“Can one of you guys get that?” she called over her shoulder. “It’s gotta be Yuri.”

Taeyeon hovered awkwardly in the doorway, feeling a growing sense of apprehension sweep over her as she watched Jessica rummage around for various tubes and brushes. When Jessica straightened up with a tiny brush in hand, she giggled at the nervous expression on Taeyeon’s face.

“Come here,” she entreated, waving her hand forward.

Taeyeon hesitated before taking several tentative steps closer. Jessica rolled her eyes, but smiled and reached out to pull Taeyeon in further.

“Hey Sica, sorry I’m la – _oh, sorry, hey Taeng._ ”

Taeyeon glanced over her shoulder. Yuri had preceded Sooyoung up the stairs and now stood by the door with a slight smile, her eyes darting between Taeyeon and Jessica’s faces and their clasped hands. Taeyeon waved innocently with her free hand.

“Taengoo’s letting me do her make-up,” Jessica stated simply.

_“Really?”_

Taeyeon nodded.

“Wow,” responded Yuri, not attempting to hide her surprise.

There was a short pause, but Sooyoung quickly reminded Yuri to get moving and get changed so they could leave on time. Yuri shook her head as though to clear it and continued down the hall. Sooyoung smiled encouragingly and gave Taeyeon a thumbs-up as she followed behind Yuri.

When she heard the bedroom door click shut she looked back at Jessica and found that the other girl was already staring at her. She felt a tug on her hand and allowed Jessica to guide her forward; Jessica reached over to push the toilet lid down and then backed up a little. Wordlessly, Taeyeon took a seat. Jessica briefly moved to the counter and returned with eye shadow.

_“Pink?”_ Taeyeon blurted when she saw the color.

“Barely - it matches your shirt,” Jessica replied calmly.

“Excuse me, this shirt is _salmon,_ not pink.”

“Whatever you say.”

Taeyeon glanced between her and the eye shadow before sighing. “Not too much, okay?”

“Relax,” said Jessica, nudging her gently with her knee, “I know you don’t need a lot to look pretty.”

When Taeyeon smiled but continued to look uneasy, Jessica sighed and looked at her seriously.

“Do you trust me?”

“Of course.”

“Okay, then close your eyes.”

Taeyeon didn’t hesitate again and instead closed her eyes without another word. She focused on trying to sit still as Jessica dusted the brush over her eyelids.

“Open.”

Taeyeon obliged. Jessica was smiling at her.

“You have pretty eyes,” she said softly.

“Is this your way of hitting on me?” Taeyeon quipped.

Jessica frowned and smacked her as she grinned cheekily.

“Don’t forget who’s in control of your make-up right now,” Jessica reminded her in a threatening tone.

All traces of mirth left Taeyeon’s expression at once. Jessica smiled sweetly and turned to exchange the eye shadow with what Taeyeon could only begin to identify as some dangerous looking metal contraption.

“What is that?” she questioned warily.

“Eyelash curler.”

“Nope.”

Jessica raised an eyebrow at her. “What?”

“Can we just skip to the next step?”

“I promise it doesn’t hurt.”

“Jessica.”

“Taeyeon, please.”

Jessica moved forward but Taeyeon caught her wrist and pushed the curler away from her face. Jessica quickly grabbed it with her free hand and went to try again, but Taeyeon stopped her there too. They stared at each other blankly for several seconds before breaking down into laughter.

“You’re ridiculous!”

“I don’t care.”

Jessica cocked her head to the side. “I thought you said you trust me.”

“And I do,” Taeyeon answered solemnly. “However, I do not trust _me_ to not somehow cause myself bodily harm if that thing comes within inches of my face.”

“Fine, but you better behave while I do your mascara,” said Jessica.

Taeyeon nodded and let go of her wrists. Jessica put the eyelash curler back on the counter and picked up a tube of mascara.

“Look up,” she directed.

Taeyeon tilted her head back and stared straight up at the ceiling, causing Jessica to chuckle and pull her chin back down. Taeyeon raised an eyebrow at her inquiringly.

“You said look up.”

“Not that far.”

After a few more tries, Jessica decided that she had come close enough and told her to hold still. Taeyeon froze obediently. Lightly, Jessica began to apply the mascara.

Taeyeon blinked.

Jessica pulled back and looked at her sternly.

“Sorry,” Taeyeon mumbled, trying to focus again.

Jessica leaned in once more and made it about three seconds before Taeyeon flinched away a second time, grinning sheepishly. She let out a sigh but couldn’t keep from smiling. She tried again, but Taeyeon leaned back away from her, a hand over her mouth in an attempt to stifle her laughter.

“God you’re like a five year old,” Jessica complained.

Between her fits of laughter though, Taeyeon could tell that Jessica’s smile was slowly growing and pretty soon the two had completely dissolved into giggles once more. After a couple of minutes, Jessica began to calm down and tried to get Taeyeon to sit still again.

“Come on,” she coaxed, leaning over with the mascara brush.

Taeyeon managed to quiet her giggles but she still couldn’t sit correctly so that Jessica could apply make-up.

_“Taeyeon,”_ Jessica said firmly, placing a hand on her shoulder and leaning some of her weight against Taeyeon’s knees.

“Okay. I’m good, I’m good.”

Jessica waited for a few more seconds to test if Taeyeon was actually being serious, and then continued applying the mascara. Taeyeon picked a spot just over Jessica’s shoulder to look at and focused on nothing but that point so that she didn’t cause any other disruptions. After awhile Jessica pulled back a little, her weight still on Taeyeon’s legs as she admired her handiwork. Taeyeon kept her eyes on Jessica’s face, unconsciously tracing the contours of her features.

“So?”

“You look good.”

Taeyeon ducked her head and grinned, but didn’t move to get up. Jessica frowned a little.

“You’re not going to check in the mirror?” she asked.

“No,” said Taeyeon, shaking her head. “I’ll see it eventually. And I trust you.”

Jessica smiled at her. They stayed like that for a few more seconds until Taeyeon reminded her to finish getting ready.

“Right, I just have to straighten my hair,” Jessica mumbled, moving back towards the sink.

“I don’t understand why you do; it looks fine,” Taeyeon commented as she stood up.

Jessica smiled again, but continued fiddling with the straightener. Taeyeon continued on towards the door, but Jessica reached a hand out to get her attention. She stopped and looked at her in the mirror.

“Keep me company?” Jessica requested lightly.

Without a word, Taeyeon nodded and sat back down. She kept up a stream of conversation about the dance and just watched as Jessica pulled the straightener through her hair. Jessica was too engrossed in the action to notice the way Taeyeon’s eyes continued to trace her side profile.

“You should let me straighten your hair,” Jessica mentioned off-handedly after a few minutes.

“Nope.”

Jessica turned to her and pouted. “Please? You’ve already let me do your make-up.”

_“Exactly_ , you already got to do my make-up.”

Taeyeon stuck her tongue out as Jessica frowned and crossed her arms in disappointment. She seemed to consider the straightener in her hand for a moment before grinning devilishly and stepping towards Taeyeon.

“Sica. _No,”_ Taeyeon said firmly, leaning away from her.

Jessica didn’t stop so Taeyeon jumped up to give herself more room to avoid the straightener. She put as much space between the two of them as she could until her back hit the wall.

“If you burn me I swear –”

“Well if you’d stand still then I wouldn’t.”

Taeyeon managed to get ahold of Jessica’s free hand, but remained wary of grabbing the one holding the straightener. Jessica finally stopped and they stared at each other for a second.

“I am not above trying to do this with one hand,” Jessica told her seriously.

Taeyeon shook her head and laughed. “You won’t.”

“Oh wanna bet?”

_“Uh, guys? What are you doing?”_

The two of them froze and looked towards the door. Yuri had burst in and was standing with her hand still on the doorknob, eyeing them curiously.

“Nothing,” they answered simultaneously.

“O-okay…” Yuri trailed off. She walked to the sink and began applying her own make-up.

Jessica glanced at Taeyeon and stepped back. _Lucky,_ she mouthed. Taeyeon grinned and slipped past her towards the door.

“Where are you going?” asked Jessica.

She had moved back to stand beside Yuri at the sink to finish her hair. They were both looking at Taeyeon expectantly through the reflection in the mirror. Taeyeon shrugged.

“Yuri can keep you company now.”

She smiled a little at Jessica, whose face fell briefly before nodding once and going back to her hair. Taeyeon frowned and lingered in the doorway for a moment. Feeling another pair of eyes on her, she glanced up and found Yuri still watching her with an unfathomable expression in the mirror. They held each other’s gazes evenly for a beat, and then Taeyeon turned and disappeared down the hall without another word.

\---

After spending twenty minutes or so mingling with her friends and saying hi to different groups of people, Taeyeon found a chair on the side of the dining hall by the windows and sat down. She sighed as she leaned back in her seat, smiling a little to herself as she looked out on the dance floor. There were some other people scattered throughout the room sitting down as well, but the majority of her friends were all dancing happily.

She couldn’t have been sitting for more than a few minutes when Jessica weaved through the crowd and walked over to her. She stopped in front of Taeyeon and put her hands on her hips.

“What are you doing?”

Taeyeon mustered an innocent smile. “Sitting.”

“So you’re just gonna sit here all night?” Jessica asked.

“Probably.”

Jessica shook her head. “No,” she corrected, “you’re definitely not.” She began pulling at Taeyeon’s hands, who refused to budge.

“Sica, you know I can’t dance.”

_“Everyone_ can dance. Some are just better than others.”

“Right, and I –”

“Taengoo,” interrupted Jessica firmly, “you did not get all dressed up with your make-up done to sit down the entire night.”

Taeyeon pretended to think for a moment, still resisting Jessica’s attempts to pull her up from the chair. “Actually, I think that’s exactly why I came here,” she said.

“Well, _I_ didn’t come here to watch you sit on the side the whole time.”

“Jess –”

“Come on,” Jessica entreated. She stopped pulling on Taeyeon’s hands, but didn’t let them go. She fixed her with a pleading look. “Dance with me. Please?”

They stared at each other for a few seconds. Taeyeon finally sighed, her shoulders drooping in defeat as she slowly stood up, allowing Jessica to tug her forward onto the dance floor with everyone else.

_“One song!”_ she called over the music.

Jessica grinned at her. “That’s what you think.”

\---

“No, Taeyeon, you’re not sleeping on the futon.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s a sleepover, we should both be sleeping on the couch downstairs and watching movies and staying up late and –”

“You are _not_ staying up that late missy,” Mrs. Jung cut in from the doorway.

“Mom, not helping,” Jessica responded, shooting her mother a pointed glare.

Mrs. Jung made a face at her in reply, prompting Jessica to roll her eyes and Taeyeon to laugh. She crossed the room and placed a stack of blankets and pillows down on the futon next to Taeyeon.

“You girls can sleep wherever you want, you’ve got plenty of blankets here,” she said diplomatically.

Taeyeon nodded and smiled politely. “Thank you for having me over for the night Mrs. Jung.”

“Oh, not a problem Taeyeon,” Mrs. Jung answered with a chuckle. “Jessica talks about you all the time so you’re always welcome here.”

_“Mom.”_

Taeyeon bit her lip in an effort to hide her grin as Jessica gaped at her mother in embarrassment.

“What? You do!”

“Okay, _goodnight Mom,_ ” said Jessica pointedly.

Mrs. Jung snuck in a peck on Jessica’s cheek before waving goodnight to them both, closing the door behind her on the way out of the bedroom. Taeyeon looked up at Jessica expectantly.

_“Not a word,”_ Jessica threatened.

“I wasn’t going to say anything,” Taeyeon said innocently.

“Uh-huh,” Jessica replied in a skeptical tone. She moved over to the futon and sat down next to Taeyeon, their shoulders brushing. “Seriously, you’re not sleeping on this,” she repeated.

“Why not? That way you can sleep in your bed,” said Taeyeon.

Jessica shook her head. “That’s not how it works for sleepovers, that’s why.”

Taeyeon nodded and glanced away. “Okay…I’ve never actually had a sleepover before,” she admitted. “So I don’t know how they work.”

_“Never?”_ Jessica checked.

“I mean I’ve stayed over with family a couple of times,” Taeyeon explained with a shrug, “but that’s…”

“Different,” Jessica finished.

“Yeah. And you know most of my friends were boys growing up so obviously no sleepovers there,” Taeyeon added.

Jessica nodded in understanding. “Well then I guess this one will have to be amazing since it’s your first real sleepover.”

She patted Taeyeon’s knee and stood up, picking up the several pillows Mrs. Jung had left out for them. Taeyeon scooped up the extra blankets and followed Jessica out of the room and downstairs to the living room. They set up makeshift beds on opposite ends of the sectional couch.

“So what do you wanna do?” asked Jessica when they had finished.

Taeyeon shrugged. “Anything.”

Jessica hummed to herself for a few moments before looking up at Taeyeon with a small smile.

“What?” Taeyeon asked warily.

“Let’s go outside.”

“It’s _December_ – it’s super cold now that it’s late!”

Jessica didn’t seem to care as she turned and headed back upstairs. Taeyeon followed on her heels as they made their way up to the third floor.

“You brought a hoodie with you didn’t you?” Jessica pointed out.

Taeyeon nodded, walking over to her duffel bag as they entered the room. She took off the light jacket she had worn to the dance earlier and slipped the aforementioned hoodie over her head. When she turned back around, Jessica had pulled her own sweatshirt from the closet and gave her a thumbs-up.

“Outside?”

Taeyeon let out a disbelieving laugh. She nodded. “Outside.”

\---

Instead of heading out to the backyard like Taeyeon expected, Jessica lead the way out the front door, across the lawn, and into the street. It was nearly eleven o’clock, and the neighborhood was completely silent. The street that the Jung’s house was on had no outlet, so there was virtually no traffic aside from the occasional passing car along the main road at the far end of the block.

Jessica sat down in the middle of the street and patted the space next to her, gesturing for Taeyeon to do the same. They sat talking quietly for several minutes about the dance, Jessica poking fun at Taeyeon for having ended up spending most of the night on the dance floor with everyone else.

After awhile, Taeyeon stretched out on the cold pavement, tucking her hands behind her head and staring up at the sky. Jessica glanced at her briefly before mimicking the action beside her. She kept her hands folded over her stomach.

“This reminds me of that movie _The Notebook_ ,” Jessica said.

“Never seen it.”

_“What?”_ Jessica demanded incredulously. “Taengoo, everyone’s seen it. You have to watch it – it’s just one of those movies.”

Taeyeon shrugged. “I already know the basic plot.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah,” Taeyeon said confidently. “Two people meet, fall in love, and then for whatever reason they get separated. And then somehow, against all odds, they find each other again and end up together.”

“Okay…I guess that’s basically true,” Jessica conceded.

“Completely unrealistic.”

“What?”

“It is. How many times have you heard of that happening in real life?”

Jessica reached her hand over lazily to poke Taeyeon in the side. She shook her head a little in response. “I see Taengoo’s not very romantic,” she said in a teasing tone.

“I can be romantic,” Taeyeon answered indignantly.

“Okay then,” Jessica said with a laugh. “So then tell me about your dream kiss. What would it be like?”

Taeyeon glanced over at her with wide eyes. “My _what?”_

“Dream kiss. Ideal kiss scenario, whatever you want to call it.”

“I – uh…okay,” stammered Taeyeon. She removed her hands from behind her head and began fiddling with the strings on her hoodie as she thought for a few moments. She could feel Jessica watching her expectantly.

“Well,” she started finally, “I’m not _exactly_ sure, but I know that it would be raining. Like a warm summer rain or something.”

“Kissing in the rain isn’t as romantic as everyone makes it out to be you know,” Jessica informed her.

“In this kiss it is,” Taeyeon replied with a grin, still staring up at the sky. “And I guess this builds into my ideal relationship or whatever, but it always a climactic moment, like so much has happened between me and the other person and the kiss comes as a result of all the tension.”

“What do you mean ‘always’?” Jessica cut in.

Taeyeon shrugged. “I mean I’ve thought about it several times before so –”

Jessica let out an excited squeak. She hit Taeyeon’s shoulder in elation, beaming at her with undisguised surprise. Taeyeon laughed with her, but held up a warning finger.

“ _Don’t,”_ she threatened.

“But you –”

“No.”

Taeyeon turned her head to glance at Jessica sternly.

“Fine, but that’s so cute,” Jessica blurted, promptly closing her mouth afterwards. Taeyeon narrowed her eyes, but Jessica motioned for her to continue.

_“As I was saying_ ,” Taeyeon continued, “the kiss comes after a lot of tension has built up. For whatever reason, I’m always the one doing the chasing, because they’re walking away from me, but I run after them and pull them back.”

“Like in a movie,” concluded Jessica.

“Yeah.”

“I thought you said romance movies were unrealistic.”

“I didn’t say the chances of this kiss happening _weren’t,_ ” Taeyeon countered. “I guess it’s like everything leading up to that kiss may have been so confused, and yeah maybe it’s raining and we’re both soaked, but in that moment, nothing has ever felt more _right.”_

Jessica considered her for a moment before looking away, her gaze tracing patterns among the stars. “Okay, that was pretty romantic,” she admitted.

Taeyeon raised her fist in triumph, earning a giggle from Jessica. She bumped their shoulders together after a few minutes of silence.

“What about yours?” she asked.

Jessica frowned a little and shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“Oh come on.”

“I don’t!” Jessica said again. She paused and bit her lip thoughtfully. “I mean…it’s not really a whole thing, but I think I’d just like it if the kiss came as a complete surprise.”

Taeyeon nodded slowly. “Okay, I’ll accept that as an answer.”

They laid in the street for a little while longer without saying anything. There was a chilly breeze and despite their sweatshirts, both of them kept shivering periodically. Jessica inched over, closing the space between them in search of any amount of warmth. Taeyeon swallowed, suddenly very aware of Jessica’s arm pressed up against her own, their fingers brushing.

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” Jessica asked.

Taeyeon blinked and glanced at her. “I’m not sure,” she answered. “Maybe a writer or something like that.”

“You like to write?”

“Yeah, sometimes. I don’t know it’s weird,” said Taeyeon, trying to downplay it as she felt the heat rush to her cheeks. She hadn’t told anyone else about her writing.

“Can I read some of it?”

“I – I don’t know…I feel really weird about it, like it’s so personal and I don’t know I just get embarrassed…” Taeyeon responded.

“I bet you’re amazing.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I just know.”

Taeyeon frowned at her thoughtfully before nodding a little and looking away again. They stayed there quietly for several minutes until Taeyeon finally asked her the same question. Jessica said she didn’t know. They went on this manner, going back and forth with various inquiries for some time, just laying and talking in the street even as the temperature continued to drop around them. Oddly enough, Taeyeon didn’t feel cold at all.

They likely would have stayed out there for half the night if Mr. Jung hadn’t eventually poked his head outside and told them he was getting ready to lock up the house.

After several more hours of talking and watching movies in the living room, the two finally retired to their opposite ends of the couch to go to sleep. Taeyeon could feel Jessica’s eyes on her as she adjusted her pillow. Satisfied with its positioning, she laid back against it and looked over at Jessica.

“What?” she asked.

“I thought you didn’t like talking,” said Jessica. “But we spent the entire night doing just that and you didn’t seem to have a problem with it.”

Taeyeon blinked at her for a few seconds before breaking into a small grin. “I like talking to you though,” she explained simply.

Jessica kept staring at her, but her eyes shone while the corners of her mouth turned upwards into a tiny smile to match the one Taeyeon wore. She nodded once. They traded goodnights in quiet voices. As Jessica reached over to turn off the lamp on the end table, Taeyeon noticed that her cheeks seemed to be tinged with a rosy hue. Before she could check further, the room went completely black. After a moment, she sank down into the cushions, pulling the blanket up to her chin. She smiled to herself in the darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

Taeyeon honked and threw her hands up, grinning playfully at Yuri, who continued to fiddle with the lock on her front door. After a few moments, Yuri finally pulled her key free and jogged down the driveway. She made a face at Taeyeon, who returned it in kind through the windshield. They both laughed.

_“You’re late,”_ Taeyeon reprimanded as Yuri opened the door and slid into the passenger seat.

_“We’re_ late,” corrected Yuri.

Taeyeon chuckled. She made sure Yuri had her seatbelt fastened before backing out of the driveway. “Tell me again why you couldn’t drive yourself to dinner tonight,” she prompted.

“Because my psycho parents revoked my car privileges for the week.”

“What’d you do this time?”

“Excuse me,” Yuri said, placing a hand over her chest in mock offense. “What makes you think I actually did something deserving of such a punishment?”

Taeyeon pressed the brake and brought the car to a slow stop as they reached the corner. She fixed Yuri with a skeptical smirk.

“Okay, that’s fair,” Yuri conceded. “I may have come home a little late after curfew one night.”

“Uh-huh. How late were you?”

“Walked in around two in the morning.”

_“Yuri,”_ Taeyeon scolded with a disbelieving laugh. She shook her head while she pulled out onto the main road.

“There was a special at the bowling alley,” Yuri defended, “ten dollars for unlimited games from nine until closing. Just getting my money’s worth.”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes, but couldn’t suppress a grin. “And how did _I_ somehow get stuck being your chauffeur?”

“Because the rest of our friends are lazy, but you’re lovely and you love me so you offered me a ride,” answered Yuri with a winning smile.

“I didn’t offer; you imposed.”

“Close enough.”

Taeyeon just shook her head again.

“Joke’s on everyone else now anyway,” Yuri said after a minute.

“Why?”

“They left the two people who are _always_ late to find a way to the restaurant together. We’re already ten minutes behind.”

Taeyeon grinned at her. “I guess they’ll be waiting there for a little while.”

Yuri nodded and winked at her. “Exactly,” she affirmed.

\---

When they finally arrived, they were over fifteen minutes late and the rest of the girls were already waiting for them just inside the doors. Taeyeon and Yuri took all of their friends’ complaints in stride, citing that if someone with better time management skills had stepped up to drive Yuri then the whole ordeal could have been avoided. Everyone rolled their eyes and waved them off as the hostess came over to lead them to the table.

“Is ‘ _fritte’_ French?” Yuri questioned as she looked over the menu.

Taeyeon bit her lip and glanced across the table at Seohyun, who wore a similarly bemused expression.

“Well, we’re at an _Italian_ restaurant,” Seohyun started slowly.

Yuri looked up at them from the other end of the table. “Is that a no?”

Taeyeon snorted, hiding her face in her own menu as laughter bubbled up from within her. Hyoyeon shook her head and chuckled, nudging Seohyun with a knowing look.

“Such an idiot sometimes,” Sooyoung muttered beside Taeyeon.

Seohyun managed to maintain a pleasant smile and gently confirmed that her earlier statement alluded that ‘ _fritte’_ was in fact, not French. “It’s Italian in this case,” she added as clarification.

“Oh,” Yuri responded with a nod, turning her eyes back to the menu. “Just curious.”

Yoona and Sunny dissolved into giggles as well, the latter leaning against Tiffany who laughed a little beside her. She watched Yuri from across the table. Taeyeon glanced up and caught the adoring smile on Tiffany’s face, hidden from Yuri behind the cover of her menu.

_“What?”_ asked Yuri finally. She leaned forward and looked all around the table as the rest of them steadily descended into more obvious laughter. “It was an innocent question!”

Yoona just patted her shoulder in a placating motion. Yuri scowled while they shook their heads. The matter was forgotten soon enough as they all leaned forward in their seats to discuss on what dishes to order.

Having settled on several appetizers and pasta entrées to split among the eight of them, they broke into smaller conversations up and down the table, chatting and gossiping amicably about plans for their two-week holiday break.

After ten minutes or so, Yoona finally leaned forward to glance at all of them with a grin and asked hopefully, “Gifts now?”

“Every year without fail,” Hyoyeon remarked with a laugh.

Yoona shrugged and began reaching under her chair. “You know you don’t want to wait any longer either.”

No one disagreed with her, and within seconds each one of them sat with a neatly wrapped present in front of them. Instead of attempting to buy seven other presents every year, they had long since decided on doing a pollyanna gift exchange. Sooyoung was the group’s Secret Santa master, always tracking everyone down a month in advance to pick a name out of a bag.

They went around one at a time, starting with whoever had Sooyoung and moving counterclockwise from there. Yoona had drawn Sooyoung’s name, so she handed over her present first. Yuri went second, sliding a red box with a deep green bow tied on top across the table to Tiffany. Sunny sent a gift bag down to Hyoyeon, and then it was Tiffany’s turn. She held out a long, flat box to Yuri, who accepted it with a surprised smile.

As they continued going around, Taeyeon watched Tiffany and Yuri open their gifts quietly. She nudged Sooyoung.

“Weird how they ended up getting each other,” she commented.

Sooyoung avoided her gaze but allowed the corner of her mouth to curve upwards into a slight smirk. “Yeah, weird,” she agreed in a noncommittal tone.

Taeyeon opened her mouth to speak again, but Sooyoung bumped their knees together under the table and shook her head in the barest of motions.

“Pollyanna master never reveals her secrets,” she whispered seriously.

“Uh-huh,” muttered Taeyeon, pursing her lips knowingly. It was her turn anyway, and she passed her wrapped gift down to Sunny at the opposite end of the table.

_“Aw yeah,_ ” Sunny whooped with a grin, pulling three sparkling shot glasses out from a bed of green tissue paper.

“I remembered you saying awhile ago that one of the glasses in your old set got cracked at the last party,” Taeyeon explained.

Sunny nodded. She leant her elbow on the table and pointed at Taeyeon with a mischievous leer. “You know this means you’re gonna break these in with me soon, right?”

"Whatever you say,” answered Taeyeon. Sunny pouted, but Taeyeon didn’t answer as Sooyoung nudged the last present towards her.

It was a fat rectangular package, wrapped simply in several layers of crimson tissue paper. Dyed-green twine crossed around the gift, holding whatever was hidden underneath the paper in place. As Taeyeon ran her hands over it to pull the twine loose, she felt a smaller bump resting on top of the rectangular object. She glanced at Sooyoung with curious eyes, but received only a nod in response. Refocusing on the gift, she tugged the twine off and slowly pushed the tissue paper back out of the way. Her eyes lit up when she realized what Sooyoung had gotten her.

Stacked perfectly on the table in front of her were three leather-bound journals, the covers of each nearly the same hue of deep red as the tissue paper they had been wrapped in. The bump she had felt on top turned out to be a velvety sleeve encasing three sleek black pens with chrome detailing along the sides and on the caps. Taeyeon reached out a tentative hand, reluctant to disturb the handsomeness of it all. She pulled one of the pens out of the sleeve, admiring its weight in her hand.

“Purple ink,” Sooyoung informed her. “Your favorite.”

Taeyeon felt a smile begin to form on her features. She replaced the pen without saying anything and slid one of the notebooks out of the stack, running her fingers along the cover.

“I know we get on you about being our little hermit writer all the time,” said Sooyoung, “but I want you to remember that I know how good you really are. We all do. Now you can finish writing your romance novel in these. Your other notebook looked a little worn.”

“I love it,” was all Taeyeon could murmur for a moment. Eventually she put the notebook back down and looked up at Sooyoung, who was watching her with a slight smile. “And it’s _not_ a romance novel.”

“Sure it isn’t,” responded Sooyoung with a wink.

Taeyeon just shook her head and grinned. The waiters swept over to their table, laying down dishes with finesse and warning the girls not to touch the plates, which were apparently scalding. Conversation picked back up again as they started on the meal. Taeyeon took her time making sure her new writing supplies was stowed safely beneath her chair before joining in.

\---

They stopped just before finishing off all of the entrées, opting instead to take home leftovers so that they could still order dessert. After some debate, they finally agreed on sharing both tiramisu and chocolate mousse cake. While they waited for the desserts to come out, they slipped into reminiscing about their days in middle school together, giggling at some of their old antics.

“Remember that time Yoona and Sunny sold the school on eBay for a dollar?” Hyoyeon asked the table.

Everyone burst into laughter simultaneously and nodded.

“Oh my god, yes,” Tiffany answered, clapping her hands together as she laughed. “That was epic.”

“Even got us out of school for a day,” Yuri added, shaking her head in amazement.

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” Yoona and Sunny reached across the table to high-five one another while the rest of the table kept laughing.

“I remember that,” said Seohyun. “I think I was in seventh grade when they called our parents to let them know what had happened. I still don’t believe you managed it.”

“That’s right!” Sunny exclaimed. “We were only in eighth grade.”

“Seriously genius,” complimented Hyoyeon.

“Eighth grade was actually a pretty good year,” Sooyoung remarked fondly.

They all nodded in agreement. Taeyeon smiled a little to herself. While they held a general consensus that no one escaped middle school unscathed, eighth grade was certainly the least embarrassing year to look back on. That had been one of the last times that she had felt completely happy and at ease for most of the year.

“That was the year we had our class camping trip, right?” asked Yuri.

“Yeah,” Yoona affirmed. “We basically had two weeks off from school because it rolled right into spring break.”

As another chorus of assent went around the table, Taeyeon stilled. She remembered those two weeks well. They were two of the only memories she recalled with absolute clarity from her younger years.

Across the table, Hyoyeon clapped Seohyun on the shoulder, reminding the other girls that the youngest in their group hadn’t been there to experience all of the camping shenanigans that went down that week. Naturally, the rest of them jumped in at once to recap the trip, laughing and speaking in excited tones.

“Oh, we weren’t all in the same cabin though,” Sunny remembered.

“That’s right,” Sooyoung agreed. “We were split between two.”

“Wait, so then who was where?” questioned Seohyun.

“Well the three of us had two other girls in our cabin,” Tiffany started, gesturing to Yoona and Sunny as she spoke. “And the other cabin was Hyoyeon, Sooyoung, Yuri, Taeyeon, and…”

“Jessica.”

Tiffany glanced over at her in mild surprise, but Taeyeon kept her eyes cast downwards, suddenly finding the napkin on her lap very interesting.

“Right, _our_ cabin was the best,” Yuri interjected smoothly. Yoona and Sunny raised protests at once as she had anticipated, moving the conversation along swiftly. They continued to regale Seohyun with various stories about pranks they had pulled.

Aside from Sooyoung and Yuri, who continued to glance her way every so often, no one seemed to notice the shift in Taeyeon’s demeanor. She listened half-heartedly with her chin propped up on her hand. One of the candles in the center of the table kept her attention as the discussion went on without her.

It was a tiny red tea-light, one of four placed in a straight line down the middle of the tablecloth. It had been burning for so long that melted wax pooled around the short wick, causing the flame to flicker. She stared, wondering how long it would be before the liquid swallowed the wick and reduced the fire to nothing more than a wisp of smoke. She watched it for a long time. She was waiting for the moment the flame would finally be extinguished.

The moment didn’t come. Even as they stood up to leave, it flickered again, but never went out.      


	11. Chapter 11

When Taeyeon arrived at school in the morning, she walked into the hallway to find an enormous mountain of suitcases, duffel bags, pillows, and sleeping bags stacked high against the wall to her right. The sight got her feeling giddy at the prospect of the class trip, so she placed her own bag off to the side and hurried up the few short stairs to join the rest of her classmates in the main hallway. She kept her pillow with her.

Sunny spotted Taeyeon within seconds and waved her over to where she had congregated with Tiffany, Yoona, and the two other girls in their grade who would be staying in their cabin. As Taeyeon walked over, she saw that several of the other girls were also holding onto their pillows and the group was comparing to see whose was the softest. They spent ten minutes chatting excitedly about the next five days and their plans for the bus ride there.

“Do you want to sit with us since we’re not in the same cabin?” Yoona asked, directing her attention towards Taeyeon.

Taeyeon smiled but shook her head. “I actually already promised someone else that I’d sit with them.”

As Yoona nodded, Tiffany leaned in opposite the pair.

“Sure you don’t want to try to switch into our cabin?” she questioned in a low voice. “It sucks that our group got split up.”

Inwardly questioning who exactly Tiffany considered to be in their group, Taeyeon simply put on a polite smile and shook her head again.

“No, I’m good,” she answered firmly. “My cabin’s still pretty great.”

“Don’t forget about us,” Sunny ordered with a light smack on the shoulder.

Taeyeon spotted Sooyoung’s head above the crowd and excused herself from the group. “Try not to miss me too much,” she quipped to Sunny, who rolled her eyes.

As she weaved through the packed hallway towards Sooyoung, Taeyeon exchanged several hellos with her classmates. She couldn’t keep from grinning – the excited sense of joviality from the crowd around her was infectious. People parted as she came closer to where Sooyoung was standing; she could see Yuri beside her while Jessica and Hyoyeon sat in front of them with their backs against the wall.

Hyoyeon noticed her first and greeted her with a bright smile. Sooyoung and Yuri both turned to look while Jessica glanced up from her position on the floor and simply patted the space next to her. Taeyeon slid down the wall and pulled her knees up, hugging her pillow to her chest as she smiled at the rest of them.

“This trip is going to be awesome – our cabin is perfect,” Sooyoung said happily, glancing around at all of them.

“Definitely,” agreed Hyoyeon. “Plus, Mrs. Morgan is our cabin proctor and she’s _so_ laid back.”

The other girls nodded as well.

“I hope they have bunk beds,” Taeyeon commented absentmindedly.

“If they don’t have more than one I’ll fight you for top bunk,” Hyoyeon warned her.

Taeyeon laughed at her friend’s serious tone and raised her fists with a tough expression. “ _Bring it, Hyo.”_

“I’ll take you both on for it,” Yuri interjected.

“No way!”

“Because you know I would win?”

“…No.”

Yuri started laughing at their dismayed expressions. Sooyoung rested a hand on Yuri’s arm, shaking her head a bit.

“No, Yuri, _be nice_ ,” she reprimanded. “They should get to duke it out since it’s probably the closest either one of them will ever get to the ceiling.”

Hyoyeon blinked up at Sooyoung and Yuri, who burst into laughter. She held out her hand towards Taeyeon.

“Hey Taeng, let me see your pillow for a second.”

Taeyeon handed it over. She shook her head as Hyoyeon launched an assault on the other two’s legs. They jumped back but kept laughing and cracking jokes. She glanced at Jessica beside her and found that the other girl had looked over at her in the same moment. They sat looking at each other for a few seconds before dissolving into giggles.

“Who are you sitting with on the bus?” Jessica asked in a neutral tone.

Taeyeon frowned and pretended to consider the question for a beat before answering. “Well I don’t know,” she started slowly, “but I seem to remember already discussing my seating arrangement with someone last night.”

Jessica smiled. “I wasn’t sure if you were being serious.”

“I’m _always_ being serious.”

“And right now?”

“Seriously being so serious. _Seriously!”_

Jessica laughed and shook her head. “You’re a dork.”

“You love it.”

When Jessica didn’t contradict her, Taeyeon grinned and returned her attention to the rest of the group; Hyoyeon had stopped using Taeyeon’s pillow as a weapon, but had her eyes narrowed at Sooyoung and Yuri. The two were giggling like mad over something Sooyoung had muttered.

_“What?”_ Hyoyeon demanded.

Taeyeon and Jessica watched with raised eyebrows as Yuri and Sooyoung only doubled over laughing in response. Yuri leaned against Sooyoung, trying to compose herself and leaving Sooyoung to answer for them.

“Nothing, nothing…I just couldn’t help but notice all the shorties are sitting on the floor,” she finally managed to get out amidst stifled giggles.

Yuri nodded. She had gotten her laughter under control, but barely.

“Yeah, and you guys still don’t seem any shorter than usual.”

The two fell against each other laughing as the three on the floor scowled at them. Hyoyeon threw the pillow at their heads.

\---

About halfway through the bus ride, nearly everyone fell asleep and the loud roar of conversation died down to soft murmurs among only a few people. Taeyeon sat staring out through the window, wrapped in her own silence.

She watched the landscape transform into nothing but rolling hills covered with deep green treetops as they continued closer the camp. The excitement she had been feeling earlier had transformed into a slight sense of apprehension, as it always did before overnight trips. Taeyeon had never really been one for sleepovers. She was happy with how the cabin arrangements had worked out, but the thought of having no refuge from her entire grade for five days straight was beginning to make her anxious.

Next to her, Jessica shifted and leaned against her. At once, Taeyeon became aware of the warmth where the sides of their legs were pressed together, and she was distracted enough to glance away from the window.

They were in a two-seater across the aisle from Sooyoung, Hyoyeon, and Yuri, who were all lying back against each other sleeping. She gazed at the top of Jessica’s head pressed against her shoulder. Feeling eyes on her, Jessica moved again so that her cheek rested against Taeyeon’s shoulder instead. She looked up.

“Are you okay?”

It was a simple question, soft and asked gently with no demand for an answer if Taeyeon didn’t want to give one. A few words to remind her that Jessica would leave her to her thoughts, would let her stare moodily out the window if that’s what she wanted, but also that she noticed and would worry whether Taeyeon wanted her to or not. From anyone else, the question’s banality would have provoked a certain amount of annoyance within her, but she knew that Jessica knew better. That wasn’t the real question.

_I know you’re not okay, so do you want to talk about it?_

The answer to that question was _no,_ as it usually was, so Taeyeon gave her a small smile and nodded in response to the voiced inquiry, the one hanging in the air between them.

“I’m just tired.”

Jessica wasn’t convinced and neither was Taeyeon, but they both let the matter drop.

“You should take a nap – we still have over an hour left until we get there,” Jessica whispered.

Taeyeon nodded. Jessica continued to stare at her for a few more seconds before shifting in her seat again to rest her head on Taeyeon’s shoulder and close her eyes. Taeyeon watched her quietly for several moments.

She went back to staring out the window.

\---

The teachers chaperoning the trip took a head count after both buses had emptied. They made a few announcements, informing the students that there were no scheduled activities for the rest of the day, and then sent them off in groups to their assigned cabins. Mrs. Morgan wanted to meet with some of the camp directors, so she gave Taeyeon the directions to the cabin and left her to lead the group.

It was only about a ten minute walk from the main lodge where they had been dropped off, but the path to the cabin wound around clusters of trees and up a steep hill; the girls were out of breath by the time they reached the top.

“Yuri,” Sooyoung gasped dramatically, “I’ll literally pay you to give me a piggyback ride the rest of the way.”

Taeyeon and Yuri both looked back and chuckled at the sight of Jessica, Sooyoung, and Hyoyeon struggling behind them. The two of them were breathing heavier than usual as well, but they managed to keep up a steady pace, showing no signs of fatigue other than shifting their duffel bags from shoulder to shoulder. Taeyeon winced as the strap dug into her neck.

“Oh yeah? How much?” Yuri called back with a grin.

“I have two dollars and my undying gratitude.”

“And that’s _priceless_ ,” quipped Hyoyeon between breaths.

Sooyoung smacked her while Yuri just shook her head and turned back around. Taeyeon recalled what Mrs. Morgan had told her and lead the way over to a group of small wooden cabins off to the right. They had the third cabin down. She jogged across the porch and threw the door open, dropping her duffel bag once she was inside. She massaged her shoulder and glanced around the room.

_“Hey Hyoyeon,”_ Yuri yelled as she came in behind Taeyeon. “You’re in luck – there are three bunk beds!”

Hyoyeon’s reply was barely audible. Taeyeon and Yuri shared an exasperated glance before returning outside to help the other three with their bags. After a few minutes, Hyoyeon rolled out her sleeping bag on one of the bottom bunks and stretched out on top of it.

“What happened to taking the top bunk?” Yuri questioned wryly.

“This one is so much closer.”

Yuri rolled her eyes before tossing her bag onto the bunk over Hyoyeon. She climbed up and began unpacking her own sleeping bag. Sooyoung claimed another bottom bunk, so Jessica took the top while Taeyeon got the last bed to herself and clambered up to put her sleeping bag and pillow out on top.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed once she was finished, letting them dangle in the air. Sooyoung and Hyoyeon looked like they had finally recovered from the trek up to the cabin.

“They said we can do whatever we want until dinner, so what do you guys want to do first?” Taeyeon asked them.

“Rock climbing or canoeing,” Sooyoung suggested.

They all looked around at each other for a second.

_“Canoeing.”_

\---

A pair of warm hands pressed down against her shoulders.

“You should really get changed out of your wet clothes – you’re going to get sick, I’m telling you.”

Taeyeon made a noncommittal noise in response, but didn’t look up. She was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the floor with Yuri and Hyoyeon. The three of them were in the midst of a heated game of cards. Sooyoung had decided to brave the cabin’s tiny bathroom so that she could shower, and Jessica –

“ _I’m serious._ You can’t get sick before California.”

The hands shook her shoulders, fingers digging more firmly into her skin this time for added emphasis. Taeyeon finally looked up. Jessica stood over her, watching with pursed lips and evident concern in her eyes.

“Yeah, Taeng, listen to her,” Hyoyeon said, her own gaze focused on the cards laid out on the floor.

“You’re just saying that because I’m winning,” Taeyeon pointed out.

“Yeah, so?”

_“Come on,”_ interrupted Jessica, shaking Taeyeon’s shoulders again. “Just take a time-out or pause the game or something for like two minutes.”

“There aren’t any time-outs in cards,” Yuri and Taeyeon responded in unison.

Jessica rolled her eyes as Hyoyeon snorted at them and drew a card from the deck. Sooyoung walked out of the bathroom, dressed in clean clothes with a towel on her head.

“I can’t believe you had to shower that badly,” Yuri said, glancing up at her.

Sooyoung shrugged. “I just kept reminding myself that I had flip-flops on so it would all be okay.”

Jessica poked Taeyeon again while the other three continued their own conversation about Sooyoung’s hygiene habits. Taeyeon looked up once more.

“I was already out in the rain for hours while we were canoeing, it doesn’t even matter at this point, Sica.”

Jessica shook her head. “It does. The longer you sit in them the worse it’ll be.”

“I didn’t pack enough clothes anyway – I only brought one outfit for everyday that we’re here and pajamas at night,” Taeyeon told her.

“Why am I not surprised?” Jessica answered with a smile. “You can borrow some of mine, it’s fine. You’re not allowed to get sick for the next two weeks.”

Taeyeon stared at her a moment longer before finally giving in with a sigh.

“Sooyoung, sub for me,” she called.

Yuri and Hyoyeon both looked up in protest as Sooyoung walked over to take Taeyeon’s spot on the floor.

“You can’t call for a sub in cards!” Yuri objected.

“It’s this or I call a time-out and come back to continue kicking your butts myself,” Taeyeon shot back as Jessica pulled her to her feet.

Yuri and Hyoyeon shared a brief glance.

“Carry on,” Hyoyeon agreed.

\---

The week moved along quickly enough. They spent most of the day split into smaller groups and scattered around the camp. Jonghyun and Yoona were with her for group activities, so the three stuck together as they traipsed through the woods and along trails.

Taeyeon found herself enjoying the time outdoors. Aside from several spots of showers, the weather was calm and mild. The campgrounds were gorgeous, the trees showing the first signs of spring blossoms as winter’s chill finally loosened its grip. They had a couple of hours everyday for free time, and Taeyeon spent most of it in the main quad with the rest of her grade. She did her best to hang out with everyone, moving from talking at the picnic tables with Tiffany and Sunny to playing soccer with Wooyoung and Henry in the fields. She partnered up with Sooyoung in tennis matches against Hyoyeon and Yuri before taking a few minutes to have conversations with the teachers.

It felt like someone was always calling her name to come do something. She ran back and forth, trying to find enough time for everyone, and privately wondering why it felt like something was missing.

Thursday afternoon she played two rounds of soccer with the boys and won both. She waved off Wooyoung’s challenge for a third and went to join Tiffany, Yuri, Sunny, and Yoona at one of the picnic tables. Sunny handed her a water bottle, which she accepted gratefully.

“Hey,” she said, tapping Yuri, “have you seen Jessica at all?”

Yuri shook her head. “No…I haven’t seen her since we left the cabin this morning.”

Taeyeon turned to scan the quad. She frowned when she finally noticed Jessica sitting off to the side in the shade of the tree line. She handed the water bottle back to Sunny and got up from the bench.

“Where are you going?” Yoona asked.

“To talk to Jessica.”

“I thought we were going rock climbing,” Tiffany reminded her.

“You guys go ahead,” Taeyeon called back over her shoulder.

She didn’t listen for another response, but made her way around the field and over to where Jessica was sitting.

“Everything all right?” she asked as she approached.

Jessica looked up from her spot on the ground and smiled, but Taeyeon frowned as she sat down next to her. Something in her eyes seemed off. They both looked out across the quad.

“You don’t have to sit with me,” Jessica said after awhile.

Taeyeon glanced at her. “I won’t if you don’t want me to.”

“No, that’s not –”

Jessica sighed a little. She tried to smile at Taeyeon again. “That’s not what I meant,” she clarified. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to sit over here with me when you could be doing other things.”

“I don’t feel like I have to,” Taeyeon said. “I just want to.”

She blinked in confusion as Jessica regarded her with a faint smile for a few seconds. Jessica patted her knee.

“I know people want to hang out with you,” she said.

Taeyeon shrugged. “I’m trying to spend time with everyone.”

Jessica nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Taeyeon asked quietly after a moment.

“No…I’m just tired,” Jessica responded.

Neither of them were convinced, but Jessica shook her head firmly and tried to push Taeyeon to get up.

“It’s okay, really,” she said. “I’ll be fine. Just a few more days, right?”

“Right.”

“So go play, don’t waste your time with me.”

“I don’t think I’m wasting my time.”

Jessica stopped with her hand and Taeyeon’s shoulder. They stared at each other for a few seconds. She looked as though she expected Taeyeon to start laughing at any moment.

“Your other friends are going to miss you,” Jessica tried again.

“They’ll be okay,” Taeyeon said. “I’m not going anywhere.”

Jessica nodded again and took her hand off Taeyeon’s shoulder. They sat talking for the rest of the hour they had before dinner. Only once, Taeyeon glanced across the quad and found Tiffany watching them. Their eyes met for a second before Tiffany seemed to shake her head and turn away.

\---

They sat together on the bus ride home again, though they switched spots so Jessica could have the window seat. Taeyeon tried to smile at Tiffany as she walked to the back of the bus, but she and Sunny passed by without any acknowledgement. Only Yoona shot her a sympathetic look. Taeyeon frowned and pulled her sunglasses down over her eyes. She rested her forehead against the seatback as the bus pulled away from camp. After awhile Jessica finally tried to engage her.

“Taeyeon, talk to me. Come on.”

“Okay.”

Jessica pulled at her shoulder, forcing her to lean back straight and take her forehead off the seat in front of her. Taeyeon looked at her blankly. Jessica frowned.

“Without the sunglasses on,” she clarified.

Taeyeon sighed a little and pushed them up to rest on top of her head. She swallowed and looked down at her hands.

“What’s the matter, Taengoo?” Jessica asked in a low voice.

“I think they’re mad at me.”

“Is that it?”

“No – I mean…I guess I’m just tired,” Taeyeon answered, trying to muster a smile as she spoke.

“Taeyeon.”

She looked up; Jessica had her lips pursed and was clearly unconvinced.

“Yes?”

“Can you please tell me what’s going on instead of just sitting here being all moody?” Jessica asked in a firmer tone.

“I – yeah – I’m sorry. It’s just…I don’t…”

Taeyeon’s fingers instinctively reached up towards her sunglasses as she struggled with her words, desperate for the cover they provided. However, Jessica noticed the slight movement and caught her wrist.

“No, tell me how you feel without hiding behind the stupid glasses,” Jessica told her, smiling a little out of mixed frustration and amusement.

“I don’t hide –” Taeyeon started. She stopped just as quickly at Jessica’s skeptical look. She laughed nervously and shook her head.

“Yeah,” said Jessica matter-of-factly, chuckling along with her, “don’t think I didn’t notice what you’re doing.”

Taeyeon smiled and sighed. “I can’t,” she said in a more serious tone, trying to keep the desperation out of her voice.

Jessica just stared at her for a few beats before she deftly reached out a finger and hooked the sunglasses off Taeyeon’s head. She leaned back against the window as Taeyeon made to grab them and hid her hands behind her back, daring her to continue after them. After a moment of hesitation, Taeyeon frowned a little, but sat back with her hands in her lap.

Sighing, Jessica straightened up. She kept the sunglasses behind her, but used one hand to shake Taeyeon’s knee lightly.

“Yes, you can,” she said gently.

Taeyeon looked down and picked at her fingernails. She bit her lip. A minute passed before she said anything; Jessica waited with a patient smile.

“I – I feel bad, I guess, because I thought I was doing a good job spending time with everyone,” Taeyeon mumbled after awhile. “And I didn’t mean to ignore them, especially when I won’t see them for awhile…I didn’t even realize I was – and what kind of friend does that make me?”

Jessica frowned. “Taeyeon, you’re not a bad friend, trust me.”

“But –”

“I also don’t think you really ignored them at all.”

Taeyeon shrugged. “I guess.”

“Look, maybe you guys just need some time apart,” Jessica said diplomatically. “In two days we’ll be on a plane to California, away from everything here and you can get a break. And then maybe when you guys get back it’ll be better because you won’t have seen each other in awhile. It’ll work out.”

Taeyeon nodded before glancing at her. She raised an eyebrow.

“That was nice,” she remarked.

“Mhm.”

“You don’t like them,” Taeyeon reminded her.

“I know,” Jessica agreed with a small smile, “but I like you.”

\---

Sunday morning Taeyeon and her father got up early to meet the Jungs and drive over to the airport together. Jessica threw her suitcase in the trunk of Mr. Kim’s car beside Taeyeon’s belongings and got in the car with them so that they didn’t have to squeeze six people into Mrs. Jung’s SUV with all of their luggage. Krystal hopped in with Jessica at the last second.

It took them about ten minutes to check their bags. Mr. Kim walked with them until the security checkpoint, where he shook hands with Mr. Jung and waved goodbye to the girls. Taeyeon smiled and waved back.

“Oh, go hug him, come on,” Jessica whispered, giving her a little push.

Taeyeon rolled her eyes but listened anyway, walking over to give her father a quick hug before he left. He wrapped an arm around her and patted her shoulder.

“Remember your manners,” he told her.

“I know, I know,” said Taeyeon as she pulled away.

“And text me when you land.”

“I know.”

He smiled wryly and tousled her hair a little. She scowled at him as she started heading back towards where Jessica was waiting.

“Have fun, I’ll be here to pick you guys up,” he said with wave.

Taeyeon nodded and waved back at him one last time. Jessica grinned at her excitedly as they passed through the security check. They spent the next hour and a half in the terminal talking and standing by the windows with Krystal watching planes take off. Six hours later they were on the other side of the country.

Their hotel room was really more of an apartment, complete with a kitchen and living room. Bay windows took up most of the far wall so that when they walked in they were greeted with a sweeping view of the shoreline. The girls dropped their bags by the couch and ran to explore the two bedrooms. Krystal led the way into the room on the right.

Again, one wall was comprised almost entirely of windows. The four of them stood in a row with their noses pressed against the glass as they stared out in awe.

“I think I could stand here all day,” Krystal sighed.

“Too bad this is mine and your father’s room.”

Krystal immediately looked back towards the doorway and pouted at her mother. “ _How come?”_ she asked in a petulant tone.

“Well, there’s only one bed,” Mrs. Jung pointed out with a smile.

“We could squeeze!” Krystal protested.

Mrs. Jung shook her head and made to respond, but stopped as her husband came to stand beside her.

“I don’t know,” he said with a sly smile, “maybe we should let them take this one – there’s a _balcony_ in the other room.”

_“Never mind_ ,” the girls chorused at once. They rushed opposite to the other bedroom, but not before making a quick detour to grab their suitcases so they could unpack and lay claim to the room.

A sliding glass door opened onto a balcony overlooking the beach. A small, round table and two wooden chairs sat in the corner by the railing. Apart from the balcony, they also had a private bathroom, a pair of full-sized dressers, a flat screen television, and two full beds.

Taeyeon frowned.

“What?” Jessica asked, catching the look.

“I’ll take the couch,” Taeyeon offered. “Then you can have the one bed to yourself.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “Are we really going to go through this again?”

Taeyeon blinked at her.

“When’s the last time I let you sleep on the futon when you slept over?” Jessica asked her pointedly.

“Well…never, but –”

“Right, so you’re not sleeping on the couch now.”

“But we usually sleep on the couch when I sleepover,” countered Taeyeon.

“Yeah, _we_ ,” Jessica emphasized. She walked over to place her hands on Taeyeon’s shoulders. “It’s different.”

“But –”

“No buts. Nicole and Krystal can share one bed and you and me will take the other,” Jessica stated. She pointed to each one as she spoke. Taeyeon followed her gaze to the bed on the right, the one they would share.

“Unless you’re _afraid_ of sharing a bed with me,” said Jessica, looking back at Taeyeon with a teasing smile.

_“No.”_

“Then stop with your couch business.”

Taeyeon nodded.

Jessica chuckled and patted her cheek. She walked away towards her suitcase. Taeyeon cast one last glance at the bed before moving to begin unpacking as well.

\---

The second night there they snuck out to the beach after Jessica’s parents went out to dinner. Not wanting to leave Krystal and Nicole alone in the hotel room, they told the two to put on jackets and tag along. Mr. and Mrs. Jung were not to know about the little excursion, and Jessica made sure her sisters understood that while they rode the elevator down to the lobby.

When they got outside they almost had to turn right back around – Jessica’s parents had decided to eat at the hotel restaurant by the pool. After several seconds of panicked giggles, Taeyeon finally instructed all of them to put their hoods up and just make a go for it while Mr. and Mrs. Jung weren’t looking.

They waited a few seconds before sprinting past a row of pool chairs towards the beach. Jessica let out a loud laugh as Taeyeon rolled over the short wall surrounding the pool like she was some sort of secret agent. Once Nicole and Krystal landed in the sand beside them Jessica peered back over the wall to check on her parents. They didn’t seem to have noticed anything, so the girls straightened up and made their way further down the beach.

Jessica finally picked a spot to sit once she felt they were sufficiently out of her parents’ line of vision. She pulled Taeyeon down to sit in the sand next to her. Nicole remained standing next to them while Krystal immediately wandered off towards the water.

_“Krystal,”_ Jessica called in a maternal voice. “Don’t go in any further than where the water comes up to the middle of your legs.”

Krystal looked back over her shoulder and waded in a few more steps. “So my knees?” she asked innocently.

Taeyeon had to bite back a laugh as Jessica shook her head.

“No, up to your calves,” she said, beckoning Krystal back several feet with a finger. “Nice try though.”

Nicole continued to stand quietly on her own for a little while. She alternated between watching Krystal splash around in the water and glancing at Jessica and Taeyeon.

“Why don’t you go play with Krystal?” Jessica suggested.

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Well, I want to talk to Taeyeon, so can you go away for a little while please?”

“Go ahead and talk.”

“We’re not gonna – _is that a cigarette?”_

Taeyeon looked up in surprise at Jessica and then over at Nicole, who had indeed pulled a cigarette from her bag and now continued to search around for a lighter.

“Yeah, so what?” she returned, letting it dangle from between her lips.

_“You are in sixth grade,”_ Jessica reminded her coldly.

“You smoked last year and you were only a year older then than I am now.”

“I –”

“And don’t even deny it, because I know Taeng knows too since those were some of the nights I had to text her for you,” Nicole pressed on.

Jessica pursed her lips. Taeyeon looked down and kept quiet.

“This isn’t about me,” Jessica started again.

“ _That is so unfair!”_

“I don’t care.”

_“I_ don’t care,” Nicole answered. She blew a puff of smoke through her lips with a glower.

Jessica opened her mouth to argue and Nicole looked ready to continue mouthing off, but Taeyeon silenced them both by holding her hand out to Nicole. They both stopped and stared at her with blank expressions. Nicole blinked at Taeyeon’s upturned palm.

“You shouldn’t smoke in front of Krystal,” Taeyeon told her calmly.

Nicole glanced back at where her younger sister played in the waves. After a moment, she looked down and held out the cigarette. Taeyeon took it from her and put it out in the sand.

“Can you give us a few minutes please?” she asked gently.

“Yeah, sorry,” Nicole mumbled, not quite meeting Taeyeon’s eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize.”

They sat quietly until Nicole was out of earshot and standing by the ocean with Krystal.

“You know, she kind of has a point,” Taeyeon said finally.

Jessica looked around at her sharply. “ _So you think she should be allowed to smoke?”_

“Not at all,” answered Taeyeon. She kept her voice calm and her features smooth while Jessica flared up. “But if you don’t want her to do certain things then I don’t think you should do them around her either.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

They fell into silence again for a few minutes.

“Do you think I should smoke? Or do any of the stuff I do?” Jessica asked her eventually.

Taeyeon didn’t reply right away. She chewed her lip and frowned a bit as she tried to choose her words.

“You know – I mean – I don’t like it when you do,” Taeyeon said slowly, “just because it makes me nervous.”

Jessica said nothing, watching her carefully as she waited for her to continue.

“But I guess I’ve kind of let it go,” Taeyeon admitted. “We’ve fought about it a lot before and it hasn’t changed anything.”

She glanced at Jessica, who simply nodded.

“You’re really good with them,” she said after a minute.

They both watched as Krystal and Nicole danced around the tide, their flip-flops discarded several feet away in the sand.

“Well,” Taeyeon replied, “I’ve been told before that I act and even sometimes still _look_ like a seven-year old, so that might have something to do with it.”

The quip got a laugh from Jessica and immediately lightened the atmosphere between them. Taeyeon grinned as Jessica shook her head.

“Seriously though, I can tell Krystal’s already obsessed with you since you were willing to play with her all day,” Jessica said.

“Well how could I say no to building the world’s biggest sandcastle?”

“She did think it was huge,” Jessica laughed.

Taeyeon smiled. “I like your family. Today was a lot of fun.”

“I’m really happy you came with me.”

“I’m happy you asked me to come.”

“I was surprised you said yes,” Jessica admitted. “I know how you get with sleepovers sometimes.”

Taeyeon nodded slowly. She kept her eyes trained out at the edge of the ocean where Krystal and Nicole were playing.

“Yeah, well…much better than shuffling between my parents’ houses all break, I guess.”

Something in her voice shifted. Jessica caught the change and glanced at her. “How are they?” she asked quietly.

“Fine,” Taeyeon said. She looked down. “They finally stopped arguing every chance they got. Unlike last year when they literally fought for two hours over _Christmas decorations._ ”

“That’s kind of good in a way then,” Jessica pointed out.

“I guess, yeah.”

“You don’t sound so sure.”

Taeyeon picked up a fistful of sand and let it slide through her fingers. She shrugged and let out a heavy sigh. “I don’t know,” she said. “I mean…They don’t even hate each other anymore – they’re just indifferent.”

“And that’s worse?”

“Yeah…yeah it is. Because at least when they hated each other I knew that they still felt something.”

Taeyeon threw the rest of the sand back down and closed her eyes briefly. She could feel Jessica watching her.

“Now it’s like they don’t even care,” Taeyeon said, “and I just don’t understand how two people could ever go from loving each other so much to not feeling anything at all.”

Krystal ran over to them then and Taeyeon slipped her grin back on as she let the younger girl pull her to her feet. Krystal laughed and skipped back towards the tide. Taeyeon watched her go. She turned and held out a hand to pull Jessica up as well. They walked out to the water together, kicking off their flip-flops as they went.

“Jessica said you’re really fast,” Krystal announced, bouncing over to Taeyeon as a wave washed over their ankles.

Taeyeon laughed. “Well, I am _a lot_ faster than her.”

_“Oh you think so?”_ Jessica challenged with raised eyebrows.

“Uh-huh.”

“You know I’m better at sprints.”

Jessica crossed her arms. Taeyeon grinned and winked at Krystal. “One way to find out,” she said. She turned around and walked away from them. She counted to fifty, stopped, and drew a line in the sand with her heel. She walked back to the other two. Nicole watched from a few feet away, her calves submerged in the ocean waves.

“Krystal, time me, okay?” Taeyeon asked. The younger girl nodded excitedly. She drew another line with her foot and set up behind it.

Krystal raised her hand in the air.

“On your mark, get set… _go!_ ”

Taeyeon took off as Krystal brought her arm down. Her feet slipped a little with every step in the wet sand.

_“Three Mississippi, four Mississippi.”_

She took deep breaths as she ran, relishing in the cool sea breeze. A slow grin spread across her face as she pushed herself to move faster. Krystal’s tiny voice yelled out the seconds from yards away.

_“Nine Mississippi!”_ Krystal called as Taeyeon crossed the finish line.

Taeyeon jogged several more feet before slowing and walking back to the finish line. She waved for Jessica to go.

This time she kept count in her head with Krystal as Jessica sprinted towards her. As Jessica neared, Taeyeon caught her eye. Jessica smirked.

_“Eight Mississippi!”_

Jessica ran through the finish line and jogged a few extra feet to slow down. She put her hands on her hips, her chest heaving while she walked back over to Taeyeon.

“Told you.”

Taeyeon held her hands out and nodded, conceding the point. “I get you in the long run though,” she said.

“Yeah, sure you do,” Jessica teased.

Taeyeon scowled. Jessica continued to walk right into her, wrapping her arms around her neck with a laugh. They took a few steps backwards before Taeyeon set her feet in the sand to keep them from falling into the water.

“About your parents,” Jessica murmured. “I know it sucks, and I’m not going to tell you that maybe one day they’ll love each other again or something like that, because I think we both know that’s not true.”

Taeyeon let her arms hang by her sides as she listened. Jessica rested her head against Taeyeon’s shoulder, and her voice hummed against Taeyeon’s collarbone with every word.

“But I think that when people care about each other,” she continued, “they find a way for them both to be happy, even if it’s not easy. So if being apart makes them happier now, then maybe letting go of one another means that they still feel enough of something to recognize that it’s just what they needed to do.”

A moment passed between them in silence after Jessica finished. Taeyeon nodded slowly. Jessica loosened her grip as though she was going to pull away, but Taeyeon finally slid her arms around Jessica’s back and hugged her.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

She could feel Jessica smile into her shoulder.

\---

Wednesday night they drove down a few blocks to explore a nearby pier. Jessica and Taeyeon stayed in front of the Jungs, but moved according to wherever Krystal and Nicole wanted to go. They went on several rides with the girls before Mr. Jung pulled them aside. He handed them thirty dollars each (Taeyeon’s assurances about having her own spending money went ignored) and told them to go have fun. He told Jessica that Mrs. Jung would text her when it was time to leave.

They walked around, weaving through the crowd in search of stalls without lines. For some time they bounced from game to game, deciding at the last second not to play. Taeyeon was about to suggest they take a break when Jessica’s face suddenly lit up. She pointed to a stall at the end of the row.

It was one of only a few open stalls, with five tall basketball baskets nailed next to each other along the back wall. The nets hung all the way down to the floor. The man running the stall took several shots from behind the counter to pass the time. Taeyeon watched as he swished every single one.

_“We have to win this one,”_ Jessica exclaimed as she dragged Taeyeon with her.

“Why?” Taeyeon asked? “What’s the prize?”

“That camera.”

Taeyeon glanced at Jessica’s face and followed her gaze to the rows of shelves to the left of the baskets. Sitting on the very top shelf in a bed of bright blue confetti was a small box containing a white polaroid camera. She smiled knowingly. Since they had arrived, Jessica had already gone through two disposable cameras and was nearly finished with a third.

“How much?” Taeyeon asked the man, who had returned to stand inside the counter when he saw them approaching.

“Five dollars for ten shots or ten for fifteen.”

Jessica and Taeyeon both put five dollars down on the counter and went to separate hoops. They missed their first sets, gave the man five more dollars each, and missed their second sets as well.

Taeyeon set her jaw as she pulled out another five dollar bill. Her last couple of shots had been close, glancing off the front of the rim or bouncing off the side. The basket seemed higher than usual, and the extra distance was affecting her normally smooth shot.

“I know I’m terrible at basketball,” said Jessica as she heaved up a shot that fell short of the basket, “but I thought you played with the boys all the time.”

“I do,” Taeyeon said. She growled a little as another shot seemed to bounce in and right back out.

They both exhausted the rest of their sets without any success. Jessica had gone through two more than Taeyeon and finally shook her head after her last shot missed again.

She sighed, but pulled at Taeyeon’s sleeve. “Come on, let’s just go. I only have five dollars left from what my dad gave me.”

Taeyeon shook her head. She fished two fives out from her pocket and handed them to the man. He raised his eyebrows at her, but nodded and rolled the basketball across the counter.

“I only have to make one basket to pick any prize, right?” Taeyeon checked.

The man nodded. “Any prize.”

Taeyeon took her time with her last set. Every shot seemed close to going in – even the man behind the counter had cheered prematurely for a few of them.

“Last one,” he reminded her as he handed her the basketball.

Taeyeon nodded, her mouth set into a determined line and her eyebrows drawn together. She dribbled a few times before setting up. She could feel Jessica and the man behind the counter watching intently as she rolled the ball back against her fingertips. _Last chance._ She took a deep breath and released the ball in a high arc. It sailed through the air, bounced lightly against the rim, and began rolling around the edge. The three of them started yelling excitedly as it continued around and around.

It rolled off the side and fell back down to the floor.

Jessica and the man groaned in unison while Taeyeon slammed her hands against the counter and hung her head. She swore quietly.

The man shook his head and smiled at her sympathetically. “Sorry girls,” he said. “If you want, I’ll let you take one of the stuffed animals.”

“No,” Taeyeon declined. “I’m going to win that camera.” She stuck her hand back in her pocket, intent on using the last five dollars Mr. Jung had given her earlier. Jessica caught her arm and pushed against her shoulder.

“No, Taeyeon, it’s fine,” she cut in. “Let it go.”

“I have to win.”

“No you don’t,” Jessica said. She smiled politely and thanked the man behind the counter as she pulled a protesting Taeyeon away from the game.

They spent the last of the money from Mr. Jung on two different booths without success. Sensing Taeyeon’s frustration, Jessica suggested they take a break and sit down somewhere. Taeyeon insisted on buying them both ice cream with her own money. They ended up taking their cones onto the ferris wheel.

Taeyeon climbed into the gondola after Jessica and sat opposite her. They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes as the wheel carried them above the pier. It stopped a couple of times to let other people on and off below. Jessica slipped her bag off and retrieved her disposable camera from inside. She snapped a photo of Taeyeon eating her ice cream cone.

“How much to you have left on that roll?” Taeyeon asked.

“Four more.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t win the other one.”

“Oh Taengoo,” Jessica said fondly, “you’re so competitive.”

“Well, yeah,” Taeyeon admitted. She laughed sheepishly. “But I could also tell how much you wanted that camera.”

Jessica grinned and cocked her head to the side.

“Aw, you do love me.”

“Eh, I guess,” Taeyeon responded. She laughed again as Jessica scowled.

“Kidding, kidding,” she assured her with a smile. “Can I see that?”

Jessica nodded and handed her the camera. The gondola rocked slightly as the ferris wheel came to a halt again. They stopped at the very top. Taeyeon took a picture of Jessica, who stuck her tongue out as the shutter went off.

“Don’t worry about the polaroid camera,” Jessica told her. “My birthday’s in a few weeks after we get back and I’ve been asking my parents for awhile, so maybe I’ll get one then.”

Taeyeon nodded. She turned and took a picture of the pier. She handed the camera back to Jessica, not wanting to use up the last exposure. They looked out over the pier again, all blinking lights and thumping music below them.

“Pretty view,” Jessica murmured.

Taeyeon looked over at her. “Yeah, it is.”

“We have to get a picture of both of us!” Jessica exclaimed suddenly.

“Right now?”

“Yeah, before we start moving again so that we can get the pier in the background.”

“Okay, but slowly,” Taeyeon said warily.

A smile spread across Jessica’s features as she stared at Taeyeon for a couple of seconds. “I didn’t know you were afraid of heights.”

_“I’m not_ ,” Taeyeon shot back. She shifted in her seat. “I just prefer ferris wheels when this thing isn’t rocking at all.”

“I’m coming over there,” Jessica told her.

“I pretty sure that lady told us not to stand – _Sica.”_

She instinctively gripped the side of the gondola as it lurched with Jessica’s movement. Jessica giggled as she sat down beside her. “Wow, tough girl Taeyeon Kim doesn’t like ferris wheels.”

“That is not true.”

“Uh-huh. Come on let go of the side and squish over here so we can take this picture.”

Taeyeon nodded and inched over closer to Jessica. She took the camera and held it out to fit both of them in. She pressed the shutter before straightening up and returning it to Jessica. The ferris wheel started moving again.

“See? Perfect timing,” Jessica remarked. “I hope it turns out well.” She looked down at the camera and made to get up. Taeyeon grabbed her arm.

“If you think I’m letting you get up while this thing is moving you’re insane,” Taeyeon told her seriously.

Jessica smirked a little. “Sure, or else you just want me to sit on this side with you,” she teased with a laugh.

Taeyeon pursed her lips and released Jessica’s arm.

“Fine, never mind.”

Jessica raised an eyebrow at her. She leaned back and forth a couple of times, sending the gondola into a gentle rocking motion. Taeyeon narrowed her eyes.

“You sure?” Jessica checked mischievously.

“Yep.”

“Okay.”

Jessica stood up halfway before Taeyeon caught her and pulled her back down to the seat.

_“Alright, you win, okay? Just sit down please.”_

“Oh Taeyeon.”

\---

She took a notebook and pen out to the balcony after they arrived back at the hotel. Jessica’s parents had turned in for the night, leaving Taeyeon and Jessica to deal with a very wound-up Krystal and Nicole. The four sprawled out on their respective beds, letting Krystal recap how the rest of the night had gone at the pier after they had split up. After half an hour or so, she began to lose steam. Nicole picked up the story as her younger sister sank into the pillows, her eyelids drooping.

Jessica finally interrupted, telling them both to get ready for bed. Taeyeon had to help cajole Krystal into getting up long enough to wash her face and brush her teeth; Nicole put up a more heated protest, which lead to another minor argument between her and Jessica.

Taeyeon sat alone on the balcony now, looking back into the room through the sliding door while she paused in her writing. Having won out over Jessica, Nicole reclined against the headboard, remote in hand as she flipped through TV channels. Krystal laid beside her, blinking at the television as she fought to stay awake. Jessica was taking her turn in the bathroom.

She put her pen back to the paper and continued writing. Her notebook’s cool metal spiral dug into her one hand while light patches of ink smeared against the other. She had finished another two pages when the sliding door opened.

Krystal shuffled out, clutching a stuffed bear to her chest as she closed the door behind her. She took the seat across from Taeyeon and gave her a tired smile.

“You look exhausted Krystal,” Taeyeon told her gently. She put her pen down and rested her elbows on the table.

“I am, but I don’t want to go to bed yet.”

Taeyeon laughed. “Of course not.”

Krystal reached out a finger and poked the edge of Taeyeon’s notebook. “Jessica says you’re gonna be a writer when you grow up.”

“Oh does she?”

“All the time. Are you?”

Taeyeon watched Krystal fiddle with her notebook for a few seconds before looking down at everything she’d written. “I don’t know,” she replied with a shrug. “Maybe one day, if I’m good enough.”

“Jessie says you’re really good.”

Taeyeon’s eyebrows went up just as the sliding door opened once more.

_“Jessie says what?”_

Krystal’s eyes widened a little. Taeyeon chuckled. Jessica strode over to them with a knowing smile and fixed Krystal with a stern look.

“It’s past your bedtime missy.”

“But I’m talking to Taeyeon!”

Jessica raised her eyebrows and looked over pointedly, but Taeyeon just grinned at her and leaned back in the chair.

“Yeah,” she said, “Krystal was just saying how you’ve been singing my praises.”

Jessica pursed her lips and rolled her eyes. She tapped Krystal’s shoulder. “Yeah, _definitely_ past your bedtime.”

Krystal reluctantly stood up, rubbing at her eyes as Jessica steered her back towards the room.

“You just don’t want me telling Taeyeon everything you say,” she mumbled.

“I don’t need her getting a big head.”

“You’re the one always talking about –”

_“Goodnight, Krystal.”_

Taeyeon bit down on her lip to keep from laughing, but couldn’t resist a bit of teasing as Jessica walked back over and sat down.

“Can’t stop talking about me, huh?”

Jessica rewarded her with a scowl. Taeyeon grinned.

“Whatever,” Jessica said. She waved her hand airily and pulled her feet up to her chest, bracing her knees against the edge of the table. Her scowl shifted into a small smile. “You’re my best friend, it happens.”

Taeyeon’s grin grew, the sincerity in Jessica’s voice not lost on her, but she kept her own tone joking.

“Happens _all the time_ apparently.”

Jessica stared at her evenly for a moment, the small smile still playing on her lips. She knew what Taeyeon was doing. She pushed back.

“What, you never talk about me with your parents?”

“I don’t talk about anything with my parents.”

It slipped out without her thinking. It was true, for the most part, but she winced nevertheless as Jessica’s smile faltered.

“I didn’t mean –”

“I know, it’s okay.”

Taeyeon nodded. “My dad loves you, actually.”

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah – thinks you’re the most genuine out of my friends or something.”

“Where’d he get that idea?”

“You come up… _sometimes_ …in occasional conversation.”

Jessica smiled as Taeyeon’s cheeks colored slightly.

“And your mom?”

Taeyeon hesitated. She didn’t quite meet Jessica’s eyes. “She – uh…”

“Thinks I’m a bad influence, right?”

Taeyeon sighed and looked down.

Jessica released a shaky breath and tried to smile. “Not like I haven’t gotten that before,” she said. “I know how the Heights moms love to talk.”

Taeyeon twirled her pen between her fingers.

“Why’d she let you come on vacation with me then?” Jessica asked.

“Because it doesn’t matter what she thinks about you,” Taeyeon responded at once. She still didn’t look at Jessica, but her voice was firm. “I know you, and _I_ trust you. It’s not up to her.”

When she finally glanced up, Jessica was watching her with a faint smile. Not knowing what else to say, Taeyeon shrugged, a gesture of finality.

Jessica nodded a little. Her eyes wandered over the open pages of Taeyeon’s notebook, her fingers inching towards it slowly. Taeyeon flipped the cover shut and pulled it back out of reach. She smiled as Jessica frowned at her.

_“Really?”_

“I haven’t showed it to anyone yet.”

“Right, so I’d be a great person to start with.”

Taeyeon laughed and shook her head. “I’m sorry Jess – it’s not happening. Not right now at least.”

“But eventually?” Jessica asked, her eyes lighting up a little.

“Yes. Probably.”

Jessica held her hand out across the table. She curled her fingers into a fist but waggled her pinky in the air. Taeyeon stared at her in amusement for several seconds before hooking her finger through. After they sealed it, Jessica leaned back in satisfaction.

“Did you really tell Krystal I was that good at writing?”

“Mhm.”

“But you haven’t read any of it.”

Jessica shrugged. “I just have a feeling.”

“Why?”

“Do you think you’re good?”

“I – I don’t know, that’s –”

“Come on. Do you think you’re good? Honestly?”

Taeyeon’s brow furrowed. She blinked a few times and looked away. She had never really thought about it before.  For a minute she watched the tide rush in and out across the shoreline.

“I guess so,” she answered slowly. “I mean…I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve been this good at something since soccer.”

“Yeah, you’re good,” Jessica stated confidently.

Taeyeon grinned sheepishly and rubbed the back of her neck. Jessica stood and started away from the table.

“You coming in or staying out here?”

“Staying out here for a little,” Taeyeon said. She tapped her notebook. “I want to finish this scene and then I’ll be done.”

Jessica nodded. She took another step before seeming to change her mind about something. She walked back around to where Taeyeon sat and held out her arms. Taeyeon looked up at her blankly.

“What?”

“Give me a hug.”

“I’m not getting up.”

Jessica frowned. She bent down and wrapped her arms around Taeyeon’s shoulders instead.

“Don’t stay up too late,” she said as she straightened, patting Taeyeon’s head.

"Yes, _mom.”_

Jessica only smiled at her and shook her head. Taeyeon grinned cheekily.

“Night, Taengoo.”

She turned away, running her hand over Taeyeon’s hair once more. Taeyeon turned her head towards the side, closing her eyes as Jessica’s hand brushed down over her shoulder. She looked up as the balcony door slid shut.

Taeyeon flipped her notebook open again, blinking at the pages but feeling the lingering warmth from Jessica’s touch burning into her shoulder. After a few minutes she put her pen down and leaned back to watch the sea ebb in and out. She couldn’t focus on the chapter.

She didn’t know how long she had been sitting outside before the sliding door opened again. Nicole stepped out, taking care to close the door behind her as quietly as possible. She moved more easily once it was finally shut and crossed the balcony in several long strides to sit down opposite Taeyeon. She sat cross-legged in the chair and propped her chin up on one hand. She didn’t say anything, but craned her neck in an attempt to read a few lines in Taeyeon’s notebook.

She gave up after a couple of minutes.

“Jessie talks about you a lot.”

Taeyeon smiled. “So I’ve been told.”

“Are you as good a writer as she says you are?”

“I’m getting there.”

Nicole nodded, pulling her chin off her hand as she straightened in her chair. She leaned away to peer over the balcony railing. Taeyeon waited for a few moments, but Nicole didn’t say anything else.

“I don’t want to sound like your sister,” started Taeyeon, “but shouldn’t you be in bed?”

Nicole glanced at her. “Can’t sleep.”

“You’re too young to have trouble sleeping.”

“So are you.”

Taeyeon almost smiled. She couldn’t argue with that. She let Nicole sit for a few more minutes and tried to write a couple more sentences. They felt awkward and forced. She crossed them out with a sigh and flipped the cover of her notebook shut.

“I thought you were supposed to be good.”

“Having a hard time concentrating tonight,” Taeyeon mumbled.

“Why?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“You’re not a very good liar either.”

Taeyeon snorted.

They didn’t speak again for several minutes. She heard Nicole rustle around for something, followed by a couple of clicking sounds in quick succession.

“Don’t even think about it,” Taeyeon warned.

The clicking stopped. She didn’t have to look to know that Nicole had gone still.

“I thought you said you didn’t want to sound like my sister.”

“I don’t,” agreed Taeyeon. She turned to look at Nicole, who had a cigarette in her mouth and a lighter held inches from her face.

Nicole frowned. “So why can’t I light this?”

“Because Jessica doesn’t want you smoking.”

“ _Jessica_ smokes.”

“I know, and I get that she’s being hypocritical, but she’s still right – you shouldn’t be smoking.”

“You let her get away with it,” Nicole protested.

“Trust me,” Taeyeon said with a hollow laugh, “we’ve fought about it a lot.”

Nicole sighed, but put the lighter down and tossed the unlit cigarette over the side of the balcony. She leaned back in her seat and studied Taeyeon.

“Is that why you don’t like Hyomin?”

Taeyeon raised an eyebrow. “Who said I don’t?”

“Jessie.”

It was Taeyeon’s turn to sigh. “It doesn’t matter why I don’t like her.”

“It does to Jessie,” Nicole pointed out.

“Jessica knows why I don’t like Hyomin.”

“Because she smokes and drinks?”

“Not just that.”

“Then what?”

“Because she’s reckless, and I don’t want her to get Jessica hurt or anything.”

Nicole seemed surprised. She leaned forward and crossed her arms. She fixed Taeyeon with a pointed stare. “I don’t think Jessica knows that,” she said.

Taeyeon looked away. “She doesn’t need to – what I think doesn’t matter. If she wants to hang out with Hyomin then that’s totally up to her.”

She could feel Nicole’s eyes still on her and glanced back.

“What?”

“You guys are so opposite.”

“I guess.” Taeyeon shrugged.

“How are you guys best friends?” Nicole asked.

“The question everyone always seems to want answered,” Taeyeon laughed. She shook her head. “Come on, she’ll kill me if she finds out you were up this late talking to me.”

They got up slowly and walked back across the balcony. Nicole paused with her hand on the door and looked back at Taeyeon.

“You are her best friend, you know.”

Taeyeon stared at her. She nodded.

“Yeah. Yeah, I know.”

\---

When they awoke Thursday morning, the beach was empty and thick, dark clouds hung over the shoreline. Krystal and Nicole moved into the living room to sprawl out on the couch for a couple of hours and watch TV. Taeyeon and Jessica opened the sliding door to the balcony. They sat with their legs out in the light rain and talked as they watched drops trickle down the balcony railing. Around noon Mr. Jung came in and suggested they all go to the movies to get out of the hotel for a little while.

Jessica’s parents had been willing to let them see a different movie by themselves, but nothing particularly interesting was showing, so they all ended up filing into a theater to see an animated film Krystal had chosen.

“You girls don’t have to sit with us if you don’t want to,” Mrs. Jung said as they walked in. She glanced back at them with a knowing look.

“Wasn’t planning on it, Mom,” Jessica replied, patting her mother’s shoulder with a smile. Mrs. Jung only shook her head and waved for the rest of the family to follow her while Jessica and Taeyeon split off to find seats elsewhere.

They settled into an empty row on the opposite side of the room. Despite the gloomy weather the theater remained sparsely populated. No one came to sit in front of them, so they propped their feet up on the seats in the next row down. They talked in whispers throughout the previews, even devolving into a popcorn-throwing war at one point, but quieted once the film finally started. Every so often Jessica would lean over to say something or ask a question, but for the most part they watched with rapt attention.

Taeyeon had to admit that the movie was surprisingly well done and extremely engaging, to the point where she could tell they were both genuinely invested in the characters’ stories. As the movie reached its climax, Jessica actually reached over and clutched at Taeyeon’s arm.

She leaned over in her seat, pressing their shoulders together as her hand snaked around Taeyeon’s forearm, her index finger brushing against the base of Taeyeon’s palm.

Something strange happened.

Taeyeon’s heart started beating erratically, pounding so loudly that she was certain Jessica would turn to ask her about it at any second. Her throat went dry and she felt heat flush her cheeks. It was as though she had forgotten how to breathe properly. Jessica was whispering something, her own eyes glued to the screen while Taeyeon’s couldn’t seem to leave her face. She couldn’t even pay attention to whatever Jessica was saying.

Finally, Jessica released her arm. Taeyeon looked away, her pulse still racing wildly. She stared at the screen without focusing on the film.

_What is this?_

\---

Jessica suggested they go for a walk after they arrived back at the hotel. The weather hadn’t lightened up any, but Taeyeon didn’t mind the rain. The two of them grabbed their windbreakers and slipped out of the suite.

The beach was deserted. Taeyeon thought it was almost eerie how a place that had been bustling with guests the day before now stood empty save for a few people hanging around the pool bar.

She kicked off her flip-flops when they reached the sand. Jessica mimicked her and they set off down the shoreline, their backs to the hotel. Taeyeon gave Jessica a wider berth than usual, walking so that the tide washed over her ankles every so often. They walked like that for a long time without talking.

Taeyeon scrunched her toes with every step, enjoying the cool sensation of wet sand beneath her feet. She watched the waves go in and out, in and out, replaying the moment at the movie theater over and over in her head. She realized she wasn’t even sure how the film had ended. She was even less sure of what had changed so suddenly between them to make her react like that.

At some point she realized that Jessica was no longer walking beside her and stopped. She turned. Jessica stood several feet back, regarding her with a faint smile and furrowed brows. The hotel was a ways off behind them, a barely visible silhouette amongst the mist and clouds.

“Everything okay?” Taeyeon checked.

“I was going to ask you the same thing.”

“I’m fine.”

Jessica cocked her head to the side. Her smile grew. “You _know_ I can tell when you’re lying,” she reminded her.

Taeyeon laughed a little and looked away.

“You’ve been distant since we left the theater,” Jessica continued. She strode across the sand, closing the yards between them. “And you’ve been quiet the entire time we’ve been walking.”

Taeyeon watched her near without saying anything.

“So since we both know something’s up with you, are you going to tell me what’s wrong for once?”

Jessica emphasized the question by clapping her hands on Taeyeon’s shoulders and shaking them slightly.

There it was again.

That same feeling from the movie theater. Taeyeon fought to keep her features neutral as her pulse spiked. Jessica’s hands sent a current of warmth down through her shoulders towards her chest. She could only blink as Jessica searched her face.

_“Hello, Taengoo._ Did you not like the movie or something?”

Taeyeon blinked again. She looked away at the waves and frowned a little, her brows knitted together.

“No,” she mumbled. “I think I liked it a little _too_ much, actually.”

Fingers curled deeper into her shoulders. She looked back and found Jessica watching her closely. Taeyeon pulled on a smile.

“I just have a lot on my mind,” she said honestly. “No big deal.”

Jessica continued to study her for a moment before nodding and dropping her hands back to her sides. Taeyeon released a breath she didn’t realize she had been holding.

“You’re always thinking,” commented Jessica. She reached out to adjust one of the strings in the hood of Taeyeon’s jacket. Taeyeon looked down and followed the movement with her eyes.

“Do you think it’s a bad thing?”

Jessica shook her head. “I just wonder if I really know what’s going on up there sometimes.”

“You know better than most people.”

“Better than your other friends?”

Taeyeon pursed her lips with a knowing look. She sat down with her legs out in the sand and gave Jessica a wry half-smile. “Yes, definitely,” she answered. “I would think you’d know that by now.”

 Jessica sat beside her and pulled her knees to her chest. “Why do you like them?” she asked.

“Same reason you like Hyomin, I’m assuming.”

“And what’s that?”

“They have their moments.”

For a minute Jessica didn’t respond. Taeyeon glanced at her. She nodded slowly and turned to look at the horizon without a word. Taeyeon’s eyes traced her profile for a beat before following her gaze out across the sea.

“You know, I think this is the longest we’ve gone without fighting for awhile,” Jessica said suddenly.

Taeyeon raised her eyebrows. “You’re not trying to break that streak right now, are you?” she asked.

“No, I’m just saying,” Jessica assured her with a smile. “It just feels…easier this week, I guess.”

“Like there aren’t any distractions for once.”

“Yeah. No one else.”

Jessica nodded, still smiling at her. Even as she looked away and back out at the ocean, Taeyeon watched her just smile and nod absentmindedly for the next few minutes. Her eyes wandered up and down Jessica’s profile. She wondered if Jessica could tell she was staring.

_No one else. No distractions._

Taeyeon traced Jessica’s face one last time. She turned away.

There was only one distraction she could think of at the moment.


	12. Chapter 12

Taeyeon kept a running tally of the things they were supposed to do together.

Pick sophomore year classes, get ready for semi-formal, pass their permit tests, go to the school plays, sneak out of the play audiences early. Spend the summer riding bikes around the neighborhood, going swimming, sleeping on the Jungs’ couch.

Pick junior year classes, get ready for semi-formal and prom, go dress shopping, get their licenses, take the SATs, go to the school plays, sneak out of the play audiences early. Spend the summer driving around the neighborhood, driving to the beach, driving through the city, sleeping on the Jungs’ couch.

Pick senior year classes, visit colleges, get ready for semi-formal and prom, walk off campus during free periods, got to the school plays, sneak out of the play audiences early, cry over rejection letters, cry over acceptance letters, go dress shopping, walk at graduation. Spend the summer pretending they were officially adults, driving to the beach, driving to the city, driving until they ran out of gas, sleeping on the Jungs’ couch.

Everything.

They were supposed to do everything together.

\---

“You sure you like this one?”

“Do you not like it?”

“No, I think it’s gorgeous on you, I just want to check.”

Taeyeon nodded. Her mom gave her a wide smile and shooed her back into the dressing room.

“It fits perfectly, flatters you in all of the right places – not that you have any _wrong_ places, but still…”

Her mother continued talking to her through the curtain, though it seemed more as though she was only talking to herself. Taeyeon tuned out as her mother started mumbling about shoes. She stared at herself in the mirror for a moment, running her hands over the white material a few times before reaching behind her back for the zipper. She stepped out of the dress, put it back on the hanger, and handed it out to her mother.

“I’ll go let the saleswoman know.”

Taeyeon didn’t answer.

She pulled on her shorts and took her time buttoning up her shirt. When she was finished, she turned and stared at her reflection in the mirror again. After a minute she flipped her hair up and pulled it into a ponytail. She finished twisting the hair tie with a resounding snap and walked out. Her mother, and the dress, were nowhere to be found. To her left a pair of girls stood halfway out of their respective dressing rooms, modeling gowns for each other. Taeyeon turned away.

She guessed her mother was up front or still looking for the saleswoman that had been helping them earlier, but she made no move to confirm either hunch. She wandered through the aisles alone, ducking away from the noise of other customers’ conversations and examining the hundreds of dresses. After a few minutes she ended up in the prom section. She let her fingers glide lightly over several gowns as she walked. Her hand stopped on a light gray, almost blue dress. She pushed back the other dresses on the rack so that she could take a better look at it.

The dress was long and simple with a shimmering material. It almost made her want to go to her senior prom. She sighed a little. She should have been going. (She should have been doing a lot of things.)

She bit her lip as something in her throat thickened.

Going dress shopping for graduation with her mother was never part of the plan. Years before, when she had imagined how preparations might go, she had always thought she’d go with one of her friends. Taeyeon took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a beat.

Jessica. She had always thought she’d be here with Jessica.

Taeyeon could picture her now, creeping up behind her and leaning over close enough to almost rest her chin on Taeyeon’s shoulder as she examined the dress.

_Ooh, that’s actually pretty._

_Why do you sound surprised?_

_Because you don’t like dresses._

_Doesn’t mean I don’t have good taste._

She could see Jessica scoffing at her in a poor attempt to cover up a smile. She’d end up having to turn away. Taeyeon would start laughing anyway.

She could hear their laughter mix together as Jessica would pull out another dress from a different rack.

_Here, I found the one for you._

It’d be some horribly bright shade of hot pink or neon green, bedazzled all over and with a flowing train, of course. The type of dress that would make Taeyeon cringe to even look at. They’d keep laughing together.

It was all so easy to picture.

“Taeyeon, there you are. Oh, have you given prom this year a second thought?”

She looked up towards the end of the aisle, her hand still on the gray-blue gown. Her mother stood watching her with hopeful eyes. Taeyeon glanced back at the dress and let go. She shook her head at her mother.

“Oh, okay,” her mother said. Her voice dropped with disappointment. “Why don’t we look for shoes while we’re here?”

Taeyeon nodded and followed her mother out of the prom section. She could still imagine Jessica returning the hideous dress back to the rack before coming back to lean against her as they giggled.

It was too easy to picture.

\---

Taeyeon kept a written record of the things they had done together. The list was a lot shorter than it was supposed to be. She knew she was leaving things out. Nevertheless, she weaved the memories she could recall into a narrative as best she could, trying to regain the depth of the moments in her words.

Some days certain details came back to her suddenly with ringing clarity. It was like an old film would flicker on and start rolling in her head. She would sit for a moment and smile a little. She’d relive the old feelings until it hurt. It always hurt eventually.

Some days certain details eluded her constantly, dancing just on the fringes of her memory. She had spent so much time training herself not to remember that those images seemed to mock her now the more she tried not to forget. It was like she couldn’t bring the entire frame into focus, only the tones and emotions of the picture. Those always hurt.

Everything always came back to some amount of pain. How could it not?

\---

“What was the name of that movie we saw that one time?”

“Wow Taeng, I don’t know, you may have been _too_ specific with those hints for me to figure it out,” answered Yuri sarcastically.

They stood together in the middle of the hallway outside the auditorium, trying to take up as little space as possible. People pushed past them on both sides. Everyone was conversing or reading the playbill. Doors didn’t open for another five minutes. Taeyeon had to lean back to avoid getting hit in the face with a bouquet of red roses as an older woman rushed past in the direction of the green room. The heel of her boot caught on the leg of the bench they were standing beside and she teetered off balance.

Yuri grabbed her and held her steady by the collar for a moment. She waited for a few more people to pass before charging through the crowd towards the end of the hall, dragging Taeyeon along behind her.

“This is ridiculous,” she muttered. She bent over to take a drink at the water fountain. Taeyeon glanced back at the pack of people and nodded.

She walked over to a row of lockers immediately around the corner and sat down on the floor against them. “I don’t know what movie it was,” she said, picking up their conversation from before. “I think we were in middle school though.”

Yuri straightened up and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She sat down opposite Taeyeon with a knowing look.

“I kind of remember…who were we with?”

“One of our friends.”

She kept her features drawn in blank innocence as Yuri narrowed her eyes. They both knew what she was doing. After a moment Yuri looked away and shook her head a little. She almost smiled.

“I think it was actually the beginning of freshman year,” she corrected. “Jessica was with us.”

Taeyeon hummed and nodded.

“We went out after you and I finished soccer practice,” Yuri continued. “My mom picked me up early for a family dinner, but I think you guys went out to eat and then hung out back at her house, right?”

“Oh yeah,” Taeyeon agreed. “Forgot about that.”

She drew her knees to her chest and rested her chin on top. She picked at her flip-flops and avoided Yuri’s gaze.

“Why’d you ask?”

Taeyeon shrugged. “Was just thinking about it a bit the other day for some reason.”

That was mostly true.

Yuri sighed and didn’t say anything for a few minutes. They did this a lot. Taeyeon couldn’t remember everything, and Yuri was the only one in their group of friends who had even the slightest understanding of what she was working through. So she’d wait until it was just the two of them or until the rest of their friends weren’t paying attention and then ask off-handedly about different things.

She’d ask questions she already knew the answers to, dancing around details and letting Yuri fill them in for her. She took care to make sure she was never the one to bring up Jessica’s name. Yuri did that for her too.

“Taeng, I don’t –”

_“Yuri, Tae.”_

They both looked up at the sound of Tiffany’s voice. She stood a few feet away, peering around the corner at them with raised eyebrows.

“What are you guys doing all the way over here?”

“It was too crowded,” Yuri explained, holding her hands out so Tiffany could pull her up off the floor.

Taeyeon got up on her own and nodded. “Didn’t have enough space to think.”

“We should go in now,” Tiffany said. “I couldn’t find Sooyoung or Yoona in the green room.”

“Maybe at intermission.”

Taeyeon followed behind them, pausing every few feet as multiple parents and faculty members stopped her to say hello. Eventually, she gave up trying to keep them in her line of vision. She shook hands, smiled, and laughed amicably while accepting compliments from the people around her.

Yuri flagged her down when she finally made it into the auditorium. Taeyeon sat down in the aisle seat next to Tiffany. She flipped through the program booklet and listened to Tiffany and Yuri carry on quiet conversation; by the time the lights began to dim she had read it front to back several times. Tiffany let out a throaty laugh beside her before quickly clamping a hand over her mouth. Taeyeon glanced up.

Tiffany leaned against Yuri in embarrassment, both of them trying to muffle their giggles as the rest of the audience fell silent. Yuri’s gaze lingered on Tiffany, the mirth in her features replaced by something softer. A spotlight lit up the stage and Taeyeon looked away from them.

She enjoyed the play well enough, but at some point during the third act she realized that Tiffany kept leaning over to whisper questions in Yuri’s ear and found she could no longer concentrate.

As the action onstage moved before her eyes she thought that she could suddenly smell a faint scent of smoke and vanilla. She was distracted by her own memory of a similarly dark theater from years ago, and the touch of a hand ghosting over her forearm. Her chest tightened and she closed her eyes.

She left before the final curtain dropped.

\---

Taeyeon kept several CDs of custom playlists in her glove compartment at all times. Her car was old and falling apart, which was just as well because she felt the same way most days. It got her where she needed to go though. She supposed she couldn’t ask for much more than that anyway.

She’d put her phone on silent, grab her keys, and just drive to get lost. She’d drive until her CDs stopped playing or she almost ran out of gas, whichever happened first. She’d drive with her back to the suburbs, through small towns with one-car bridges, and out to where the landscape flattened out into verdant fields and farms. She’d drive until the sky was all pastel oranges, blues, and yellows. Until the undersides of the clouds were violet. And then she’d keep driving.

Sometimes she’d take her foot off the gas and relish in being the only car on the road. She’d roll the windows down and try to imagine what conversation would be like if she had a passenger next to her. She’d imagine pulling over to the side of the road or into some empty county park to take pictures. Taeyeon enjoyed her solitude but she wondered about the things that needed two people.

Sometimes she’d press her foot down hard and relish in being the only car on the road. She’d roll the windows down so that the breeze raised goose bumps on her skin. She’d keep her foot on the pedal, her speed building with the feeling in her chest until one of the two threatened to overwhelm her. Something always did. Taeyeon enjoyed her solitude but she wondered about how dangerous she could be when she was alone.

Only once, Taeyeon drove all the way down to the beach and stayed long enough for the sun to set behind her. She stood letting the waves bury her feet in the sand and tried not to think about the last time she had been out by the ocean. She wished it would rain.

Her mother was panicked and concerned by the time she returned home, a mood not soothed by Taeyeon’s red-rimmed eyes and raspy voice. She didn’t yell but she didn’t stop peppering her with questions despite receiving nothing more than one word answers. Eventually, Taeyeon’s earlier prayers were answered. She grabbed a jacket and walked through pouring rain to the playground a few streets over. She sat on the swings for an hour.

When she walked home the front door was unlocked but the lights were off. Taeyeon finally felt her body begin to fail her as she made her way up to her room. At least her mother had given up on asking questions.


	13. Chapter 13

There were plenty of distractions once they returned to school.

As expected, the time apart had given Taeyeon’s friends space to miss her properly, and she tried to find time between schoolwork and soccer practice to spend more time with them. Her parents too seemed more attached than usual, though she thought they would have been used to her week-long absences after over a year of shuffling between their houses.

In school they hit the ground running as they entered the final quarter of the year. On top of regular classes, the entire grade started having a couple of special events every week to prepare them for the transition from middle school to high school. They sat in the auditorium learning about scheduling and listening to upperclassmen share their own experiences; they received a long lecture from the high school dean about future etiquette expectations as well.

Twice, Taeyeon was called down to the athletic department to meet with the girls’ varsity soccer coach one on one. She felt the head of the English department’s eyes on her when they passed in the hallways. Every faculty member in the building seemed to be whispering about her potential. It was a small school, after all. Gossip traveled fast.

Yet even as Taeyeon’s head swam with her new social and academic obligations, Jessica remained the biggest distraction.

Feelings that Taeyeon had tried to credit to the heady whims of vacation didn’t lessen upon coming home. If anything, they intensified. The slightest touch sent waves through her. The light, instinctive gestures that had been so customary between them for so long suddenly thrilled her. They scared her too.

The little things no longer seemed so small. They way she moved, the way she laughed, even the way her hair smelled – Taeyeon became attuned to all of it. It frightened her to realize just how _aware_ she was of Jessica.

No one seemed to notice that anything had changed. There was no reason for them to really. Jessica didn’t deviate from her natural affection for Taeyeon; any slight stiffening in response from Taeyeon was easily attributed to her often awkward demeanor. Nothing had changed between them, but everything felt different. Taeyeon couldn’t wrap her head around it.

So she began to pull away, hoping to find some reprieve alone in her own head. She began to maneuver away from Jessica’s touches as though avoiding scalding metal. She began to tear her thoughts away from lingering on California, from thinking too hard about exactly what had shifted within her. Away, away, away. Everything away. Away while always feeling like she was being pulled back. Taeyeon struggled with the distance. She didn’t like it.

She didn’t like that the longer they were home, the more time Jessica seemed to spend with Hyomin. She didn’t like that they couldn’t seem to reconcile time between groups. More time with Hyomin meant Taeyeon spent more time with Tiffany, which meant more time with Hyomin, and more time with Tiffany, and on and on.

She didn’t like that there was someone else Jessica always seemed to be texting. She didn’t like the new feeling of being together and not having her full attention. She didn’t like that she didn’t know this other person. A boy. She had always known Jessica’s boyfriends – she didn’t always _like_ them, but she knew them. She didn’t know this one. She only had a name to go on: Taecyeon. One letter away from being identical to her own name. She didn’t like that either. Lived in Heights but went to Public. A boy. She didn’t like boys.

She didn’t like boys?

\---

“I heard Jessica’s dating Taecyeon Ok now.”

Taeyeon frowned at the back of Tiffany’s head. She was walking behind Tiffany and Sunny; she’d zoned out completely until the mention of Jessica’s name.

The hallway was empty. There were still fifteen minutes left in the lunch period, but Sunny had wanted to stop at her locker early and beat the rush before class.

“Do you know him?” Taeyeon asked.

Tiffany glanced at her as she sat down cross-legged next to Sunny, who had knelt down to reach her locker.

"Yeah, he used to hook up with a girl I know from Public.”

Taeyeon nodded. She watched Sunny pull books out of her locker for a few moments. Tiffany started up conversation about plans for the weekend. Sunny mentioned Hyomin’s name and Taeyeon turned away.

She wandered over to the window and rested her forehead against the glass with a sigh. The skies were gray. It looked like rain. Her breath fogged up her line of vision. She looked down her nose, watching the fog recede as she held her breath. When the glass was clear again she could see a figure walking, head down, around the side of the building in the direction of the short tunnel where the administrative offices were located.

The girl had already passed and Taeyeon couldn’t see her face, but she could tell from the way she moved that it was Jessica. She frowned; they hadn’t talked for a while now.

She pushed off the windowsill and walked back down the hall past Sunny and Tiffany.

“Where are you going?” Sunny called after her.

“Outside.”

“Why?”

“I forgot something,” Taeyeon supplied without breaking her stride.

She jogged down one flight of stairs and ran out the side door. Looking left, she could just see Jessica’s backpack disappear around the opposite corner of the building. Taeyeon sprinted to catch up with her.

As she drew level, Taeyeon realized that Jessica had headphones in and hadn’t heard her approaching. She slowed to a comfortable walk and waited.

It didn’t take long.

Jessica visibly jumped when she glanced over and noticed Taeyeon beside her. Taeyeon grinned at her before breaking into laughter.

They walked a couple more feet, and she felt the mirth drain from her face when she realized Jessica wasn’t laughing or even acting begrudgingly amused. In fact, as they continued into the tunnel and Jessica pulled out her headphones, Taeyeon realized she was actually crying.

_“Whoa_ , Sica why – _I’m sorry_ ,” Taeyeon stammered, her mind flying into a panic.

“Jesus – _what the hell Taeyeon?_ ”

“I just wanted to mess with you. I’m sorry, I didn’t know –”

Jessica put a hand over her eyes and took several deep breaths. Taeyeon could see her growing more agitated. She stepped in front of her and placed her hands firmly on her shoulders.

_“Taeyeon,”_ Jessica pleaded.

Taeyeon stood her ground and shook her head. Jessica pushed against her for a few more seconds, her breathing growing shallower by the minute. Finally she stopped pushing. She reached a desperate hand out and clung to Taeyeon as her legs weakened beneath her. Taeyeon gently guided Jessica to lean against the brick wall of the tunnel; she tugged off Jessica’s backpack before they both slid to the ground. Jessica let go of Taeyeon’s arm and buried her face in her hands.

“Jessica,” Taeyeon said softly. “What’s going on?”

Her reply was muffled. Taeyeon had to ask her to repeat it.

“You just scared me.”

“It’s about to rain and you’ve spent lunch outside alone – I know this is more than me sneaking up on you.”

Jessica didn’t respond. She drew her knees into her chest. Taeyeon took a deep breath and sidled closer. After a moment of hesitation, she placed her hand on Jessica’s knee and rubbed it soothingly, moving her thumb back and forth. Jessica buried her head deeper, but didn’t move away. Her shoulders still shook, so Taeyeon put an arm around her and pulled her closer, ignoring the warmth that shot through her at the contact.

“Please talk to me.”

“Since when do you ever want to talk?”

“Since you’re clearly upset and have been for a while now.”

Jessica looked up sharply. She sniffled a little, but her mouth was set in a thin line.

“It feels like you’ve been avoiding me,” Taeyeon continued slowly.

Jessica’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. “Are you serious?”

Taeyeon glanced away and nodded.

“I thought you were avoiding _me._ ”

“What?” Taeyeon’s brow furrowed. “Why?”

_“Because,”_ Jessica said, drawling out the second syllable as though she thought the answer was obvious, “we’ve barely talked since we got home from California. You’ve been spending every waking moment with Tiffany and all.”

“Well you’ve been hanging out with Hyomin nonstop so I thought I did something wrong,” countered Taeyeon.

“And you didn’t think to ask me about it?”

Taeyeon threw her hands up in exasperation. “Every time I saw you, you were with Hyomin or someone, and all the other times you’ve just disappeared.”

_“Who cares if Hyomin was there?”_ Jessica shot back, her voice rising. “You could’ve just told me you wanted to talk.”

“You know I don’t like her.”

“So?”

“So I don’t feel like giving her the opportunity to stick her nose in our business – she does it enough without my prompting as is.”

“Well I don’t like some of your friends either,” Jessica said.

“Yeah and I don’t see you coming over to talk to me while I’m with them,” Taeyeon retorted.

“Yeah, _because_ –”

She stopped abruptly and looked away. The pause gave them enough space to calm down a little bit. Taeyeon noted that Jessica was still crying. She sighed, trying to get her self under control.

Tentatively, she put her hand back on Jessica’s knee and shook it lightly.

“Because…?”

“Because whenever you’re with them it’s like they’re showing off that they won you or something. Like ‘oh we got Taeyeon today, ha!’ It sucks,” answered Jessica.

“So you’re jealous?”

“I just feel like I’m always fighting them for your time.”

“But so I’m a trophy now?”

_“No,”_ Jessica said. “I’m serious. They get so smug and throw me looks when you walk by as if it’s a competition or something to see who can get more Taeyeon-time or whatever –”

“Did you just call it –?”

“And it makes me so frustrated because I know you don’t notice, but they do it all the time and it’s like they think they’re _so_ much closer with you, and I feel like maybe they’re right and they’ve just been winning all the time recently…”

She trailed off and looked away again. Taeyeon waited until she was sure Jessica was finished and poked her shoulder lightly.

“Hey,” she coaxed, pausing until Jessica looked back at her. “Don’t worry about it, okay?” Jessica opened her mouth to argue, but Taeyeon pressed on before she could speak. “They can’t win,” she clarified, “because there’s no contest.”

Jessica stared at her for a minute as though waiting for her to crack and start laughing. Taeyeon held her gaze calmly. Eventually, Jessica realized she wasn’t joking and smiled.

Somewhere, the bell went of with a series of rattling clangs, signaling that the lunch period had ended. Jessica glanced at Taeyeon, clearly expecting her to be upset by the idea of being late to class. Taeyeon remained unfazed and took her time getting to her feet before turning and holding out her hands to pull Jessica up as well. They were both quiet as Jessica stood and wiped at her face to hide the traces of tears.

Taeyeon hoisted Jessica’s backpack off the ground. It had started drizzling as the exited the tunnel and walked back around to the front of the main building.

“From now on,” said Taeyeon, bumping shoulders with Jessica, “I’ll try to make sure I’m spending enough time with _all_ of you. Go back to talking everyday.”

She was pleased with the idea, but Jessica chuckled beside her. She frowned. Jessica caught the look and patted her shoulder.

“You’re a good person, you know that?”

“I just don’t want you to be so upset because of me.”

“I know,” Jessica said, gazing at her seriously. “Which is why I wasn’t kidding. But it’s not just about you.”

They reached the entrance to the main building. Taeyeon held the door open and search Jessica’s face. “You’re sure?” she checked.

Jessica smiled. “Yes – you’re not _that_ important.”

Taeyeon scowled as Jessica strode past her with a teasing smirk. She followed along until she realized Jessica was heading for the bathroom instead of her next class.

“I thought you had art now.”

“You’re going to be late, Taeyeon,” Jessica pointed out, looking at her from over her shoulder.

“Where are you going?”

“Bathroom.”

“We’re already late.”

“Yeah, so you should go to class.”

“Jessica.”

They stopped walking at the same time. They stood several feet apart. Jessica slowly turned around to face her and sighed.

“Yes?”

“Are you sure everything is okay?”

Jessica didn’t answer for a moment. She smiled. “I promise I’m not going to skip class,” she said solemnly.

The hard expression on Taeyeon’s face remained though, and seeing that she was still unconvinced, Jessica held out her pink finger. After a beat, Taeyeon crossed the space between them and hooked her own pinky through Jessica’s. They sealed it and Taeyeon let her hand drop.

With a reassuring smile, Jessica turned again and continued on her way. Taeyeon stood alone watching her walk away for a few seconds. She turned and jogged through the hall to her afternoon class.

\---

“Have you seen Jessica?”

Taeyeon wheeled around, unnerved by the proximity of the voice by her right ear. Moreover, she was unnerved that the voice’s _owner_ was being voluntarily civil. She found Hyomin standing behind her, having stepped out of her space instantly. Taeyeon stood trying not to gape at her for a few seconds before recovering and smoothing her features into a calm mask.

“No – didn’t you have class together last period?” she finally returned.

“Yeah, but she only showed up for the last twenty minutes,” Hyomin explained. Taeyeon frowned. “And then she was the first one out when the bell rang.”

Taeyeon scanned the hallway. “I’m sure she’s fine,” she mumbled.

_“You’re not worried?”_ Hyomin demanded in an accusing tone.

Taeyeon’s gaze settled on Jessica coming down the hall. Her eyes were downcast and she had her headphones in again, but Henry soon approached her and she smiled lightly at him. As she removed one of her earbuds so that they could talk, Taeyeon looked away and relaxed.

“No, I’m not. _I_ trust her,” she answered coolly, returning to her locker. There was a pause. Taeyeon guessed with some satisfaction that Hyomin was probably scowling at her back.

“You don’t have to be a bitch,” Hyomin commented lowly. “ _Though I suppose you can’t help it.”_

Taeyeon rolled her eyes. _So much for civil._ She turned back around once more with an annoyed sigh. “Why are you still standing here, Hyomin?”

“Something’s obviously wrong with Jessica and you don’t even care,” she spat back.

Taeyeon felt herself flare up at the accusation, but she kept her face impassive except for a tightening of her jaw. She took a step forward towards Hyomin.

“I _would_ care,” she hissed, “but she’s right _there_ so I don’t see the problem.”

Hyomin glanced where Taeyeon pointed and saw Jessica walking with Henry. She sent one last unfriendly glare towards Taeyeon – who returned it with equal disdain – and headed towards them. Taeyeon watched while she pulled books from her locker.

She saw Hyomin greet Jessica and assail her with questions, but Jessica had a smile plastered on her face and just kept shaking her head. Taeyeon couldn’t help chuckling as Jessica ducked right by her, leaving Hyomin standing alone in confusion. Henry waved goodbye to Jessica and moved off to his own locker. Pulling out her athletic bag, Taeyeon pushed her locker door closed and intercepted Jessica in the middle of the hallway.

“How was class?” she asked casually.

“Exciting as always.”

“Didn’t seem to drag on at all?”

“No, it actually seemed shorter than usual,” answered Jessica. She gave her an innocent smile. Taeyeon narrowed her eyes disapprovingly, but returned the smile with a knowing grin and a shake of the head.

“You’re sure you don’t want to talk about anything?” she asked carefully.

“Nope,” Jessica said in a firm tone. “Besides, I know you hate talking.”

“You know I can always listen.”

“It’ll be fine Taeyeon.”

“Sica –”

“Seriously,” Jessica said, clapping her hands down on Taeyeon’s shoulders.

Taeyeon swallowed, both at the warm pressure from Jessica’s hands and the hard edge in her voice. She must have stiffened visibly, because Jessica let go at once and softened her gaze.

“Don’t you have club practice tonight?” You wouldn’t want to be late,” she said.

Taeyeon frowned a little and checked the time on her phone. She sighed. Jessica was right – she needed to get moving. Still, she studied Jessica for a few moments.

“You’re _sure.”_

“I’ll be fine.”

“We’re still on next week for your birthday?”

“No, I changed my mind and would like to celebrate it a month later this year,” teased Jessica. “Yes, next week. Now go to practice and stop worrying about me.”

\---

Taeyeon made it to practice on time, but didn’t stop worrying. She played well and found herself laughing with her teammates, but every time there was a long pause in play, she could feel that heavy pit resettle in her stomach. She kept coming back to it while she finished her homework, while she ate her dinner, while she brushed her teeth – it kept coming back.

Although she made a conscious effort to keep her promise to Jessica, having even gone so far as to doodle a private schedule dictating who she’d sit with at lunch everyday, things still felt off to Taeyeon. The more time she spent with Jessica, the more she was aware of the time Jessica spent with Hyomin and Taecyeon, who she still had yet to meet. It bothered her. She told herself it was just because she didn’t trust Hyomin, and mentally skipped over the gap in excuses for her unease regarding Taecyeon.

Yuri, as she was quickly discovering, was one of the few people Taeyeon felt she could talk to about the matter, as they shared the same conflicting friendships.

“Look,” Yuri said, “I don’t like Hyomin either, but if Jessica’s cool with whatever’s going on then –”

“We shouldn’t intervene,” Taeyeon finished with a sigh. “I know.”

“Plus, Sunny’s friends with her too, so how bad can she be?”

“I guess.”

They were at the mall, meandering through department stores while they waited for Hyoyeon to join them. Jessica’s birthday was a few days away, and the three of them were still searching for gifts.

Yuri paused and turned around to look at her. Taeyeon pretended not to notice and moved away to study a rack of shoes. Yuri followed her.

“You should get these,” said Yuri, pointing to a pair of strappy high heels.

Taeyeon snorted. “I’d break my ankles trying to walk in them.”

“You might fool people into thinking you’re normal-sized though.”

Taeyeon threw her a glare and shook her head.

“You can stop pretending like you’re interest in any of those heels now.”

Yuri tilted her head knowingly as Taeyeon glanced at her. After a moment, Taeyeon turned away. She walked a few steps to another table of shoes and picked at the corner. She turned back around.

“It’s just. I just –”

“You look tired, Taeng.”

Taeyeon looked down and rubbed the back of her neck. She tried to shrug. “I’ve just been…”

“Running around a lot?”

“You noticed?”

“We all have.”

She felt the weight of Yuri’s words settle on her shoulders. She ran a hand through her hair and then held it out in an appeasing gesture.

“I’m sorry –”

“Don’t apologize,” Yuri cut in. “Why are you trying so hard to please everyone?”

“Because you’re my friends.”

“You’re exhausted.”

Taeyeon just shrugged again.

“Look,” Yuri said, moving to lean against the table opposite Taeyeon. “I know it can be tough running between friend groups.”

She paused as Taeyeon gave her a cynical look.

“Okay, _especially_ between Jessica and Tiffany. But you do this with everyone really…you have this _above and beyond_ mentality with us – and it makes you a great friend – but you don’t always have to,” Yuri told her. “It’s okay to let us carry the load sometimes.”

“I don’t have a load,” Taeyeon said automatically.

“Everyone has a load,” disagreed Yuri. “Even if they don’t know it.”

Taeyeon went silent.

Yuri pressed on. “And with Jessica, there’s always a way for you to go above and beyond. Or you always find one.” She paused again. “But it’s different…it’s like… _above_ above and beyond.”

Taeyeon froze, but Yuri wasn’t looking at her anymore. She was staring at a point on the carpet as she gathered her thoughts, and missed the way Taeyeon’s eyes widened as her fingers dug into the edge of the table.

“That’s why I think this thing with Hyomin is bother you so much – because you do go _above_ above and beyond with Jessica, which means it’s like you’re on high alert all the time. And it’s not exactly like Hyomin flies under the radar.”

She didn’t seem finished, but she stopped and finally looked at Taeyeon properly. They were both quiet for several long moments.

Taeyeon eased her grip on the table’s edge. She took a deep breath. “I-I just feel like there’s a time bomb ready to go off at some point,” she mumbled.

Yuri nodded slowly. “And whenever it does go off, you don’t want her to get caught in it, right?”

“Right,” Taeyeon said softly.

“Just make sure you don’t get blown up in the process,” Yuri reminded her. Her phone went off. She checked the screen. “Hyoyeon’s here, come on.”

They didn’t talk about it for the rest of the evening. They slipped into easy banter once they met up with Hyoyeon; within minutes it was as though the conversation had never happened.

They all kept getting sidetracked as they jumped from store to store, Hyoyeon validating their trip by saying they could kill two birds with one stone by mixing in some personal shopping before finding gifts for Jessica.

Two hours later though, and they were still empty handed.

“I don’t know why I’m blanking on things to get her,” Yuri groaned.

“Her tastes have changed recently, that’s why,” Taeyeon remarked.

Yuri glanced at her briefly, but Taeyeon kept her own gaze roving around the crowd. Hyoyeon shrugged and nodded.

“That’s true,” she agreed. “She’s been spending more time with Hyomin, hasn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Taeyeon said. “She has.”

Neither one of them said anything in response. Taeyeon couldn’t tell if they were watching her for a reaction, but she refused to look at them. She knew Hyoyeon wouldn’t push the issue. They walked aimlessly for several more minutes before Yuri finally stopped and plopped down on a bench with a heavy sigh. Hyoyeon took a seat beside her. Taeyeon remained standing in front of them.

“So what now?” Yuri asked. She stretched her hands over her head and yawned.

Taeyeon shrugged. “We keep looking.”

“We’ve already been in and out of so many stores.”

“We’ll find something.”

“Where? What are our other options? The dollar store?”

“Why are _you_ so calm about this right now?” Hyoyeon interjected, leaning forward suddenly.

Taeyeon looked down. She raised her eyebrows when she found Hyoyeon looking at her with a curious smile. Yuri stared at Hyoyeon for a few seconds before turning her gaze on Taeyeon as well.

“Why would – _wait,_ why are you calling _me_ out?”

“You’re her best friend.”

“So?”

“So why aren’t you more concerned that we don’t have anything for her?” Yuri asked, her eyes lighting up as she caught on to what Hyoyeon meant.

“What? I don’t know, it’s not –”

_“Do you already have a gift?”_ Hyoyeon demanded.

Taeyeon fell silent. They didn’t need any more evidence.

_“I knew it!”_

“So you were just going to leave us out to dry?”

“No, no,” laughed Taeyeon. She smiled apologetically at their betrayed expressions. “I don’t – it’s only sort of a gift. It’s not even finished.”

“How does ‘sort of’ a gift even work?” asked Hyoyeon.

“It’s Taeyeon,” Yuri answered. “Which means ‘sort of’ is really some ridiculous, awesome, complicated set up.”

“Yeah that’s true,” Hyoyeon agreed. “Probably some giant friendship collage or something.”

Taeyeon rolled her eyes, smiling as she let them riff on her.

“No, it’s definitely a scrapbook – no, _a set of scrapbooks._ One for every year they’ve known each other.”

Hyoyeon scoffed. “Yeah, like Taeyeon’s sentimental enough to scrapbook.”

“Oh, but she could do a collage?” retorted Yuri.

“Yeah, like some weird abstract art or whatever.”

“What would that even entail?”

“You’d have to ask her,” Hyoyeon quipped. She turned back to Taeyeon. “So if you already _sort of_ have a gift, why are you still looking?”

They both looked at her expectantly. She shrugged. “Because it’s not enough.”

“It never is,” Yuri murmured with a sigh. Her voice was so low Taeyeon almost didn’t hear her. Taeyeon glanced at her but said nothing. If Hyoyeon heard, it didn’t show on her face.

“Okay, so except for Taeyeon’s pop art friendship mural,” Hyoyeon concluded, “we have nothing.”

Yuri threw her hands up and leaned her head on the back of the bench. “It’s not like I thought of anything while we were talking.”

Taeyeon’s attention drifted as they continued brainstorming. She looked around, trying to take mental inventory of which stores they had already checked. It had been all clothing stores for the most part. She couldn’t think of any others where they might find something. She was about to suggest they sleep on it and come back tomorrow when a small shop caught her eye. There were multiple cameras and tripods in the display window. She smiled.

“I’m about to just get her a gift card at this point,” Hyoyeon conceded.

Yuri frowned thoughtfully. “I guess we could do that. Sooyoung asked me to pick something up for her too.”

“We’re not doing that.”

They both frowned at her.

_“You_ might not be…” Hyoyeon started.

Taeyeon shook her head, still smiling. “And you’re not either.” She moved away from them; her eyes stayed on the storefront.

“Where are you going?”

“I have an idea.”

\---

“Okay, I’m heading out, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Taeyeon jogged to the front door and stopped to put on her sneakers.

“Are you going out with Tiffany? If so, tell her I say hi.”

“No, she won’t be there. I’m going to a birthday party,” Taeyeon reminded her.

Her mother poked her head out of the kitchen. She nodded to the gift box on the carpet beside Taeyeon.

“Whose party are you going to again?”

Taeyeon bit her lip as she quickly finished tying her laces. She kept her eyes on the gift box. “Jessica’s,” she mumbled. She slowly got to her feet and picked up the gift box. Her mother’s smile was tight when she finally faced her.

“I suppose that’s why your father is taking you?”

_Instead of me_. Those words always hung in the air. Taeyeon didn’t know how to answer them, so she didn’t. She stood perfectly still, eyes lowered, and fingers curled gingerly around the gift box. She could feel perspiration from her palms warm the wrapping paper. Even so, she didn’t move.

Her mother sighed and returned to the kitchen. Taeyeon could hear her rummaging around in the cabinets.

“I have to go,” Taeyeon said in a small voice. “I have to pick up Sooyoung on the way.”

Her mother hummed. “Sooyoung’s a nice girl.”

Taeyeon readjusted her grip on the box, smoothing out the paper as she shifted.

“I – I have to –”

“I know. Have fun. Be careful.”

Taeyeon left.

\---

“I told you boys you should’ve asked for bumpers.”

They were at a bowling alley, split into teams by gender for their fourth game. Hyoyeon was thoroughly enjoying the opportunity to taunt all of the boys.

Henry pointed to the scoreboard. “I’m sorry,” he shot back. “ _Who’s winning right now?”_

“You won’t be after this one,” said Yuri with a grin.

Taeyeon smiled as she watched them, leaning her elbow on the side of the scores kiosk. Yuri hefted a ball from the rack confidently and waited for Onew to line up in the opposite lane. The two of them spent several seconds arguing over who would go first before Sooyoung stepped in and told them to just go at the same time.

They counted to three aloud and bowled simultaneously. Taeyeon tilted her head as she watched both bowling balls roll. Both sides cheered on the progress – Onew gesticulated wildly as though he could dictate direction of the ball.

A pair of hands slid up over the back of her shoulders and then locked themselves loosely around her neck. Taeyeon stiffened at the contact for a moment, all too aware of the warmth emanating from the arms around her. She forced herself to relax. _It’s her birthday,_ she reminded herself.

“Think Yuri’s got it?” Jessica asked. She rested her chin on Taeyeon’s shoulder.

“Well, I know Onew doesn’t,” Taeyeon remarked dryly as his ball curved right into the gutter.

Jessica laughed as the boys groaned in unison. Taeyeon smiled as she felt the vibrations from Jessica’s laughter thrum through her.

“Yuri might get two pins,” Taeyeon mused.

“Great team spirit, Taengoo.”

Taeyeon shrugged. “Just wait.”

Yuri’s ball picked up considerable speed, but the further it traveled, the closer it veered towards the gutter. Taeyeon and Jessica were the only ones not yelling as they watched its progress.

“It’s going out!”

“No, it’ll swing back. Look at the spin.”

The ball clipped the side of the last pin before disappearing into the back. The pin teetered for a couple of seconds, and then fell with just enough force to knock down one more. Taeyeon glanced at Jessica, who gaped at the pins. She raised an eyebrow and smirked when Jessica looked back at her.

_“Don’t say it,”_ Jessica threatened.

“Only because it’s your birthday.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. She slid her arms from around Taeyeon’s neck and smacked her face playfully. Taeyeon just laughed and moved back to get a drink form the table. Jessica walked up to join the rest of the group in consoling Yuri. Taeyeon eyed the scoreboards as she as she took a sip and snorted. At the rate they were going they’d be lucky if either team broke one hundred.

_Bzzt. Bzzt._

Taeyeon looked down at the table. Jessica’s phone screen had lit up and was vibrating to signal an incoming call. Taeyeon leaned over so she could read the caller ID.

_Taecyeon Ok._

She blinked at the screen for a moment. She felt her stomach drop and tried to push the sinking feeling aside.

_“Sica,”_ she called. “Your phone is ringing.”

Jessica looked back at once and hurried over. She held her hand out as she neared. Taeyeon grabbed the phone and gave it to her. She could feel it stop vibrating as it passed between them. Jessica glanced at her before checking the screen. As her eyes settled on the caller’s name, she frowned. It was a slight expression, and gone as quickly as it had come, but Taeyeon caught it.

_“Your turn birthday girl,”_ Hyoyeon called.

“Can you go for me?” Jessica asked Taeyeon. She didn’t look up, her fingers already flying over the screen.

“Yeah.”

Jessica nodded. Taeyeon watched her walk away, phone to her ear.

Wooyoung was lined up and waiting for her in the opposite lane when she walked up to the ball rack. “Take your time, Taeng,” he teased. “You’re only delaying the inevitable.”

“You throwing two straight gutter balls, you mean?”

He was unfazed. He arched an eyebrow as she went to pick up a ball. Taeyeon stopped and looked up at him.

_“What?”_ she demanded.

“Nothing,” he said. He used his shirt to rub a spot on the ball he had picked.

Taeyeon rolled her eyes and moved to pick up the ball again.

“I just though that eight-pounder might be too heavy for you too handle.”

She stopped again. “Oh really?”

He shrugged.

For a moment she glared at him. She laughed a little and picked up a different ball.

“Pink? Really?” Wooyoung asked.

“Don’t hate on pink,” Taeyeon told him. She spun it around to show him the weight.

“Oh, _nine,”_ read Wooyoung. He waggled his eyebrows. “Impressive.”

“I hope your bowling is better than your trash talking,” Taeyeon said, walking away to set up.

Wooyoung grinned. “Same time then?”

“Whenever you’re done listening to the sound of your own voice.”

They glanced at each other. Without another word, they took their steps forward simultaneously. Taeyeon threw her arm out behind her, jaw tight with the effort of holding the ball, took two more steps, and let go. She swore as the ball rolled down the lane slowly.

Yuri, Hyoyeon, and Sooyoung watched from behind her, their heads all cocked to the side identically.

“I think my grandfather could’ve thrown harder than that,” Sooyoung quipped. “And he’s dead.”

“Thanks for the support, Soo.”

Wooyoung’s ball, on the other hand, shot down the lane with considerable pace, and considerable spin. By the time it hit the middle of the lane it was already curving away and into the gutter; the boys’ triumphant whooping turned into groans. All eyes shifted to Taeyeon’s ball.

Though it still rolled at a relatively slow pace, it picked up enough momentum to knock squarely into the first three pins. The impact sent out a smooth ripple effect throughout the rest of the pyramid. Every single pin fell to the floor.

The girls erupted into cheers. Taeyeon threw her hands up and laughed as Yuri, Sooyoung, and Hyoyeon all started jumping on her. The boys stared.

Wooyoung didn’t have anything to say when they both went again for the second turn. Taeyeon bowled another strike anyway.

She laughed as the other boys began booing Wooyoung. Yuri all but tackled her in celebration. Through all of the excitement, her eyes found Jessica across the room. Her phone was still to her ear, and she kept running a hand through her hair.

Smile slipping, she extricated herself from Yuri, ducked around the rest of the group, and made her way over to Jessica. She stopped about ten feet away just as Jessica mumbled something into her phone and hung up. She stood with her back to Taeyeon for a minute just looking down at her phone. Taeyeon took a few steps closer. Jessica sighed and turned around. They both stopped.

They stood for a beat staring at each other before Jessica smiled faintly. She walked over and dropped her forehead against Taeyeon’s shoulder with another sigh. Taeyeon looked at the top of her head, but didn’t move.

“Is he coming?” she asked in a quiet voice.

Jessica didn’t answer immediately. She sighed again. “No, he isn’t.” She sounded tired.

“Wow, three sighs in less than a minute,” Taeyeon remarked. “Must’ve been bad.”

Jessica didn’t answer. She wrapped her arms around Taeyeon’s middle. Taeyeon still stood frozen.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jessica’s head shook ‘no’ against her shoulder.

Taeyeon nodded for a moment and then narrowed her eyes. She drew back a bit. Jessica groaned in protest and tried to lean forward to keep her face hidden in her shoulder, but Taeyeon pushed back gently. Jessica looked up at her.

“He didn’t…” Taeyeon started slowly. “He didn’t bre –”

“No,” Jessica interrupted softly. She shook her head. “No, he didn’t.”

“Oh.” Taeyeon swallowed and nodded dumbly.

Jessica said nothing but nodded along with her. She looked as tired as she sounded. Something flared up within Taeyeon.

“I can still beat him up for making you upset on your birthday,” she offered.

Jessica snorted. She finally smiled. “I’ll get back to you on that,” she said. “Come on, we should go back for the last couple of rounds before we have to leave.”

They fell into step together and headed back to rejoin their friends. Jessica bumped her shoulder.

“You get any points during our turns?”

Taeyeon grinned. “Two strikes.”

_“No way.”_

“You can check the scoreboard.”

Jessica shook her head. “Is there anything you’re _not_ good at?”

“Would you like a list?”

“Oh shut up,” Jessica said, smacking her arm. “You’re perfect.”

\---

They stayed at the bowling alley for another hour. After that, the group sang Jessica one last chorus of “Happy Birthday” in the parking lot to embarrass her, and then parted ways. Everyone got picked up by their parents except for Taeyeon, was sleeping over the Jungs’ house that night. She helped Mr. Jung put Jessica’s presents in the trunk.

“You better write Taeyeon an extra long thank you note for doing all this work for you,” he told Jessica wryly as he got into the driver’s seat.

Jessica smiled. She buckled her seatbelt and glanced at Taeyeon, who was busy buckling her own seatbelt in the back.

“She knows I love her already. Right Taengoo?”

“Anything for the birthday girl.”

“And she loves me too, _right?”_ Jessica prompted.

Taeyeon blinked for a moment. Her face felt hot. She kept her head down and continued to fiddle with the buckle. Her hair fell in a curtain across her face.

Jessica poked her hard in the shoulder. Taeyeon looked up, expression schooled into perfect surprise.

_“Right?”_

“Anything for the birthday girl,” repeated Taeyeon.

Jessica scowled at her, but Mr. Jung chuckled.

“You’re _so_ funny.”

“Your dad seems to think so.”

“Not something to brag about.”

_“Hey,”_ Mr. Jung cut in. “I have a good sense of humor.”

“Uh-huh.”

They spent the ride home listening to Mr. Jung’s collection of go-to jokes; he only let up once they walked into the house and Jessica bid him goodnight. He told them not to stay up too late and kissed Jessica on the top of the head before heading upstairs. Jessica waited until she heard his footsteps recede and then looked at Taeyeon.

“Presents?” she asked excitedly.

Taeyeon smiled. “Presents.”

They settled on opposite sides of the couch as usual with the pile of gifts on the floor beside them. Taeyeon handed them to her one by one and kept a list of who had gotten what. The boys had bought various gift cards, and the girls had each gotten her individual cards as well.

“No card from you?” Jessica asked lightly as she placed Yuri’s on top of the pile.

“I told you I wasn’t good at everything.”

Jessica smiled and shook her head. She pointed to the last present left; two thinner boxes stacked on top of a larger cube, all wrapped in matching white paper and tied together with pink ribbon.

“I take it that one’s yours?”

Taeyeon picked it up. Jessica scooted forward a few inches and crossed her legs underneath her. Taeyeon had one leg dangling off the side of the couch. She swung it back and forth nervously as she placed the present in front of Jessica.

“It’s from me and the girls,” she said.

Jessica untied the ribbon slowly and pulled apart the paper with a gentle touch. Taeyeon watched her fingers move over the boxes. Jessica peeled back the wrapping on one of the thinner packages first. She gasped softly and looked up at Taeyeon, a smile growing on her lips.

_“No.”_

Taeyeon laughed and nodded.

Jessica quickly unwrapped the third, square box. She let the paper fall away and stared at it for a few seconds. “The camera,” she murmured. “You remembered.”

“We all chipped in,” Taeyeon said nonchalantly. She tapped the two smaller boxes. “There are forty exposures total between both packs.”

“You remembered,” Jessica repeated, looking up at her this time.

Taeyeon waved her off. “It was a group effort.”

Jessica cocked her head to the side with a knowing smirk. “And whose idea first?”

“We all kind of thought of it,” Taeyeon said with a shrug.

“You’re such a bad liar,” Jessica laughed.

“Add it to the list.”

Jessica put the box down and leaned forward, pulling her into a hug. Taeyeon swallowed. Heat flushed her cheeks for the second time in an hour.

“I love it either way,” Jessica said. “Thank you.”

“There’s actually…you have one more present to open,” Taeyeon said after a moment.

Jessica let go of her and sat back. Her eyes were narrowed, but a small smile still played across her lips as she scrutinized Taeyeon. She didn’t say anything, but raised an eyebrow; at this, Taeyeon gave a small nod and crossed the room to her duffel bag. Gently, she lifted out a thin manila folder. She hesitated for a few seconds, bent over her bag staring at the folder, but took a deep breath and walked back to the couch. She held it out as she sat down again.

“What’s this?”      

“You’ll see.”

Jessica eyed her briefly before taking the folder. Taeyeon watched her face carefully. She didn’t know what she had been hoping for, but as Jessica’s eyes widened happily the further she read, Taeyeon’s smile widened with her.

“I know it’s probably an odd choice for a gift,” admitted Taeyeon. “But you’d been asking, and I finished it a week ago so I thought now would be a good time.”

Jessica shook her head and beamed at her. “It’s perfect,” she assured Taeyeon.

“Don’t tell anyone, please. I haven’t shown my parents – they don’t even know I like it.”

“So I’m the first?”

Taeyeon smiled and nodded.

Jessica laughed a little and stuck out her pinky finger. “I promise I won’t tell anyone what a great writer you are,” she pledged.

Taeyeon blushed, but waved away Jessica’s outstretched hand. At Jessica’s questioning look, she bit her lip. She shook her head. “No pinky promise,” Taeyeon said firmly. “I trust you.”

Jessica gazed at her for a few moments before letting her hand drop. She let out a soft laugh again.

“Thank you.”

Taeyeon grinned. “Happy birthday, Sica.”

Jessica smiled at her and went back to reading.

“Who knew you could be so romantic?”

_“What?”_

“The story. It seems like the characters are in love with each other.”

“Oh.”

Taeyeon ran a hand through her hair. She let out a shaky laugh. “Right,” she said. “The story.”

Jessica looked up. “Are they?”

“Huh?”

“Are they in love?”

“Oh, yeah,” mumbled Taeyeon. She shrugged a little bit. “They don’t really know it yet.”

Jessica hummed and looked down at the page once more. She frowned.

“Oh, that’s kinda sad.”

Taeyeon watched as Jessica’s eyes traveled further down the page. She looked down at her own hands and picked at a spot on the couch.

“Yeah,” she agreed. “It is.”

\---

Weeks passed, and things went smoothly.

And then they didn’t.

As usual.

What was _unusual_ were the bits of turbulence that stuck with her. For one, she was growing more and more tired of people, of her friends whispering about Jessica under the guise that they were just looking out for Taeyeon. She had long grown accustomed to some of Tiffany’s implications, but she realized that she was the only one constantly being questioned. Hyomin got into the same trouble as Jessica, if not more – they were usually together when anything went wrong – and yet Sunny could hang out with her, no questions asked.

Then there was Hyomin herself, with her sneering glares and snide remarks. Taeyeon always had an answer for anything Hyomin could come up with and prided herself on that fact, but something green and seething reared under the surface any time Taeyeon saw her with Jessica. She could admit it: she was jealous. She began to understand what Jessica saw when she was with Tiffany.

And, of course, there was Jessica. Always Jessica, and those strange, new, confusing reactions that Taeyeon wouldn’t think about. And that strange, new, mysterious boyfriend Jessica wouldn’t talk about. Taecyeon Ok. Another green beast of a different kind. (One with a similar name, though Taeyeon wouldn’t readily admit it.) She still hadn’t met him, nor did it appear as though Jessica was looking to introduce them anytime soon. And that, more than anything, gnawed at Taeyeon.

It was also the thing that broke her first.

“How are things with you and Taecyeon?”

“Hm? Oh, fine.”

They were out on the fields during lunch passing a soccer ball back and forth, and Jessica was far enough away that Taeyeon couldn’t quite read her face.

“Just fine?” she prompted again.

Jessica paused this time before kicking the ball back. She shrugged and nodded, but didn’t quite look at her. Taeyeon kept the ball at her feet and dribbled closer. Jessica looked up fully and stared at her.

“What?”

“I can tell when something is bothering you.”

_“You’re_ bothering me.”

“Sica.”

“If you don’t pass the ball I’m going to take it from you.”

Taeyeon stopped a few feet away. She held up a finger. “One, that would never happen and we both know it,” she stated.

Jessica rolled her eyes, the corners of her mouth turning upwards in the hint of a smile. “Is there a two?” she asked in a dry tone.

“Why haven’t I met Taecyeon?”

Jessica froze.  Taeyeon’s boldness seemed to surprise both of them.

“Did you _want_ to meet him?”

Yes.

Taeyeon shrugged. “I met all the other ones,” she said instead. “You won’t even talk about this one.”

“You didn’t like any of them,” Jessica pointed out.

“Yes, and I’d like to add another to the list.”

Jessica didn’t laugh, or even smile, like Taeyeon expected. She looked down at her feet.

“It’s not a list,” she said quietly.

Taeyeon winced. She left the ball behind her hand walked closer. “I didn’t – it was just a figure of speech.”

“I know what they say about me,” Jessica said. She dug the tip of her shoe into the grass. “I’m not deaf, and I’m not stupid.”

“Jess –”

“And you know too. Right? I’m just a big ol’ slu –”

_“Don’t.”_

“It’s not a list.”

Taeyeon nodded. “I know.”

“I know,” Jessica mumbled. “Sorry.”

“You still haven’t answered my question,” Taeyeon reminded her.

“What?”

“You didn’t say why I haven’t met him?”

“I want things to be –”

“Different,” finished Taeyeon. “And somehow bringing me into the equation has been part of the problem before?”

_“That’s not what I meant.”_

“Then what _did_ you mean?” Taeyeon shot back. She could hear both of their voices rising with their tempers, but made no attempt to soften her words.

“Why is this such a big deal?” Jessica demanded.

“I’m your best friend! I’m supposed to give your boyfriends a hard time until they give me a reason _not_ to.”

“Now _you’re_ not answering my question,” said Jessica, her voice low.

“Well you won’t answer mine, so I guess we’re even,” Taeyeon retorted.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Jessica crossed her arms over her chest. They stood glaring at each other for several long moments. Taeyeon shook her head first and turned away, walking back over to the soccer ball. The bell rang. Lunch was over. The blaring sound cut through the silence between them. Taeyeon ignored it and kicked the ball over towards the eighteen. It stopped five yards out from the box and she walked after it.

“Are you coming inside?”

Taeyeon shook her head without looking.

“Tae –”

“I have sports for activity anyway, and I need to practice. I have a tournament this weekend,” Taeyeon said firmly.

Jessica frowned. “Sports is in the gym today.”

“Coach Sanders will give me a pass,” answered Taeyeon with a shrug.

There was another lapse of silence. Taeyeon kept walking towards the box. Jessica hadn’t moved.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Taeyeon asked over her shoulder.

The question came out harsher than she intended, and from the way Jessica raised her eyebrows Taeyeon could tell she thought so too. Taeyeon looked away again.

“You’re going to be late,” she added, her voice gentler this time.

Jessica didn’t answer, but after a few seconds Taeyeon could hear her feet drag in the grass as she left. Taeyeon didn’t look. She picked up her pace a little and jogged over to the ball. She took one touch and then struck it hard with her right foot. Her shot hit the crossbar and ricocheted back at her. She sprinted onto it and volleyed it with the outside of her left. The ball went high and sailed behind the goal onto a neighboring field. She swore.

She jogged over to retrieve it. When she reached the ball and finally glanced back towards the main building, Jessica was nowhere to be seen.

\---

“I’m sorry.”

“I know. Me too.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not. I mean –”

“Sorry.”

“No, I – sorry.”

“We’re sorry a lot.”

“Yeah…yeah we are, aren’t we?”

“Are we okay?”

“We always are…aren’t we?”

\---

Things were still off between them for the next couple of weeks. They said hi, they walked to a few classes together, but they kept avoiding deeper conversations. Jessica fell back into her friendship with Hyomin. Taeyeon just watched. She continued to share her time between the boys and her other group of girlfriends, but it was as though every time she saw Jessica, Hyomin was by her side.

She couldn’t stop noticing how much it bother her, even as she laughed and joked with her other friends.

Towards the end of the third week, Taeyeon realized they hadn’t talked at all for the past several days. Jessica walked by her at the end of the day Friday without so much as a glance. Taeyeon stopped, textbook halfway in her locker, and watched her walk away down the hall, chattering happily with Hyomin. She didn’t know if Jessica had ignored her purposely or if she had genuinely missed Taeyeon.

She didn’t know which would feel worse.

She watched them until they disappeared into the stairweel. She shoved the textbook into her locker with a sigh. It clanged loudly against the back. She closed her eyes for a moment and paused, resting her forehead against the side.

“Hey Tae – _are you all right?”_

She opened her eyes and found Tiffany coming towards her, eyebrows knotted and phone to her ear. She pulled it away and ended the call as she neared.

Taeyeon smiled and nodded. “Just tired.”

Tiffany leaned her shoulder against the locker beside her and smiled back. “Has anyone ever told you you’re a terrible liar?” she asked.

Taeyeon smiled again, for real this time. She glanced at Tiffany before pulling out what books she needed. “Many, many times,” she answered with a short laugh.

For a few seconds, Tiffany didn’t say anything else. Taeyeon could feel her watching as she zipped up her backpack.

“Is this about whatever’s going on with you and Jessica?”

Taeyeon faltered and looked down. She swallowed a little, slung her backpack over her shoulder, and closed her locker.

“Tiff, please don’t…” she started.

“That’s not what I’m doing,” Tiffany told her, drawing back a bit. She sounded hurt.

“Sorry,” Taeyeon said quietly.

A moment passed, and then Tiffany moved closer again. “I know Jessica and I aren’t friends,” she said. “But you and I _are,_ and it’s obvious whenever the two of you are fighting.”

“It is?”

“Yep. You get super mopey.”

Taeyeon smiled a little and chewed her lip, looking away from Tiffany’s knowing stare.

“And I would never tell you to stop being friends with her, so hear me out on this,” Tiffany continued. “But you guys seem to be arguing _a lot_ lately – more than usual – and I just think…”

She trailed off, pursing her lips as she tried to find the words.

“Friends fight,” Taeyeon remarked neutrally.

Tiffany nodded. “They do. God knows Sunny and I get in the dumbest arguments all the time. We all do. But I think this is a little different.”

Privately, Taeyeon wondered when people were going to stop telling her that.

“Just… _as your friend_ , it sucks seeing you like this so often.”

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t apologize. I just want to make sure you’re okay,” Tiffany said seriously.

“Thanks,” Taeyeon said after a few seconds. “Really.”

Tiffany smiled. “Anytime. Now come get dinner with me and Donghae.”

Taeyeon groaned.

“You won’t be third-wheeling, I promise,” Tiffany assured her.

“Uh-huh, sure.”

“We’re not even talking or anything I swear.”

“Yet,” Taeyeon added with a grin.

“You said it, not me.”

They both laughed. Tiffany tugged on her arm.

“Are you seriously pouting at me right now?” Taeyeon asked her.

_“Please?_ Come on, we haven’t been out together in so long,” Tiffany pressed.

Taeyeon let out an exaggerated sigh, shaking her head with a smile.

“ _Fine.”_

“I knew you’d cave,” Tiffany said happily as they set off down the hallway together.

“Yeah, yeah,” Taeyeon replied flatly. “Anything else you’d like to spring on me right now?”

“We’re going shopping afterwards.”

There was a beat, and then Taeyeon pretended to turn and make a break for it. Tiffany just laughed and caught the strap of her backpack. She pulled her along.

“If I just sit down right here you’d have to drag me all the way there,” Taeyeon told her off-handedly.

Tiffany kept walking, her fingers still locked around the strap.

“Don’t think I wouldn’t,” she returned sweetly.

Taeyeon decided not to test her.

\---

As promised, dinner wasn’t awkward at all. Taeyeon found herself more at ease than she had been in nearly a month, and was happy to have time to catch up with two of her best friends.

Tiffany and Donghae, for their part, really didn’t seem to be anything more than platonic. The more Taeyeon watched them interact, the less certain she became that Donghae even knew Tiffany had a crush on him. She made a mental note to talk to him about it later. They all split the check for dinner, and Donghae drove them to the mall.

He wanted to look at sneakers as soon as they got there, so they split up for an hour. Taeyeon followed Tiffany around various clothing stores. She picked through the racks with only mild interest; for the most part she just nodded or shook her head at different items Tiffany held up for her to see.

“Shouldn’t Donghae be here suffering through this with me?” Taeyeon asked as she trudged out of another store.

“Actually, he’s the one that wanted to come to the mall,” Tiffany said. “So I’m just kinda following his lead.”

Taeyeon glanced at her with raised eyebrows.

_“I told you we weren’t talking,”_ Tiffany pointed out.

“Yeah, about that,” Taeyeon said slowly. “Donghae can be kind of…dense, you know.”

“Which is rich, coming from you,” Tiffany retorted with a grin.

Taeyeon waved her off. “I’m just saying.”

“I know, I know.”

“Like _really_ dense.”

“I get it,” Tiffany laughed. She nudged Taeyeon’s shoulder with her own. “You can’t tell me you haven’t been enjoying yourself at all though.”

Taeyeon gave her a skeptical look, but Tiffany kept nudging her until she smiled and nodded. “I’ll admit it,” Taeyeon agreed as they walked into another store.

“Good,” said Tiffany. “You need a break.”

Taeyeon’s phone buzzed just as she laughed in assent. She clapped her hand over her pocket. Tiffany’s eyes followed the movement and narrowed. Taeyeon smiled apologetically.

“Break from the break?” she asked lightly.

Tiffany raised her eyebrow. Taeyeon smiled a little wider. Tiffany let out a sigh, her expression softening.

“Just keep in mind what we talked about earlier,” she said.

Taeyeon nodded and waited until she had move away; then, fumbling a bit, she slid her phone out of her pocket and quickly opened her messages.

_Can you talk?_

She stared at the message for several seconds, letting a slow breath hiss out from between her teeth. She looked up to find Tiffany again.

“Tiffany. _Tiffany,”_ she called.

“Yeah?”

“I have to take this. I’ll be right outside.”

Tiffany blinked at her. Several racks of clothes stood between them. “Okay,” she said finally.

Taeyeon had her phone to her ear before she was out of the sore. The line only rang once.

_“Taeyeon.”_

She could tell something was off just by the sound of her own name. She frowned as she took a seat on an empty bench.

“Jessica, what’s wrong?”

“I know we’ve been kind of…but –”

“It doesn’t matter,” Taeyeon interrupted. “Tell me what’s wrong.”

There was a long paused on the other end of the line.

“Jess –”

“I need help.”

Something dropped in Taeyeon’s chest. She couldn’t remember a time when Jessica had flat out admitted she was in trouble. These calls were usually much, much less coherent. Now though, Jessica’s voice was clear and lucid, if a bit shaky. The combination unnerved her.

“Why, what’s going on?” Taeyeon asked, trying to keep the urgency out of her voice. “Is Hyomin with you?”

“She was.”

Taeyeon set her jaw. _“Was?”_

“It’s…a long story. But I’m freaking out right now, I’m not gonna lie.”

“Where are you?”

“Bathroom of the bookstore across from the mall.”

Taeyeon’s brow furrowed. Oddly specific and not at all what she was expecting. “Why –?”

“There’s a guy,” Jessica explained quickly. “A lot older than us. And I think he’s following in me so I ducked in here but the store’s almost empty and I saw him walk in after me and I feel like I’m trapped – _what if they close and I’m still here?”_

“Okay, listen –”

“ _I can her his voice outside of the bathroom.”_

Taeyeon’s brain went into immediate overdrive. Tiffany walked out, a new bag in hand. She read the expression on Taeyeon’s face and frowned.

“What’s the matter?”

And then Jessica, still on the phone. Voice quieter and quieter until it was barely above a horrified whisper.

“Taeyeon, I know this is my fault, but _please._ I need you.”

“Whatever happens, don’t hang up, okay?”

“Okay.”

Tiffany came closer, her eyes still asking her earlier question.

“I’m about to ask you for a huge favor,” Taeyeon said, pulling her phone away for a moment. “But I promise I’ll go out to dinner and go shopping whenever you want, no questions asked.”

“Okay,” Tiffany said, regarding her seriously. “What is it?”

“Call Donghae.”

Tiffany did so without needing to be asked twice, and five minutes later they were back in his care heading towards the bookstore. In reality, the ride probably didn’t take more than ten minutes, but time seemed to drag on as Taeyeon sat on the edge of the backseat with her phone pressed to her ear. Jessica had at least checked to make sure the bathroom door was locked, but the store was set to close soon. Taeyeon would let herself think past that.

“Okay after we pick you up, do you want to go straight home?”

“I can’t,” Jessica said. “My parents will kill me. They think I’m only sleeping over Hyomin’s house.”

Taeyeon ran a hand through her hair. “Okay…I’m at my mom’s house to we can’t go there…”

“Sorry,” she heard Jessica mumble on the other end. Taeyeon didn’t say anything, her mind already flying to the next set of possible solutions.

“Tiff –”

“I’m sleeping over Yuri’s after this.”

“Okay fine.”

“Look, I’m –”

“No, no; I mean that’s fine – that works. Tell Yuri if my mom asks at all that I’m sleeping over tonight too.”

Tiffany nodded and took her phone out.

“Whose parents are out of town?” Taeyeon muttered. “Who just mentioned that at lunch today?”

“Hyoyeon,” Tiffany supplied from the front seat.

“Can you –?”

“Let me talk to Yuri first.”

“Thanks.”

Donghae turned sharply into a parking spot. They all jolted forward in their seats. He looked around at them apologetically.

“I’ll wait in the car and call Hyoyeon and Yuri,” Tiffany said.

Taeyeon had already jumped out and closed the door behind her. Donghae left the keys in the ignition and jogged after her.

“Hi, just to let you know, we’ll be closing in about ten minutes,” one of the cashiers called as they entered. Taeyeon strode back through the store without a word. She left it up to Donghae to respond politely.

She slowed as they neared the bathroom. She took a deep breath and rounded the corner.

A clean-shaven, college-aged young man stood leaning against the wall outside of the bathrooms. He was well-dressed and well-groomed – Taeyeon might not have even paid him any attention if not for the way his eyes shifted to the women’s restroom as she and Donghae approached.

He smiled politely, but she only glanced at him with a blank expression as she passed by and tried to enter the women’s bathroom.

“Locked,” she said. “Guess I’ll have to wait.”

She and Donghae shared a look. The young man looked between them and looked down.

“You know this is the girls’ room, right?” Taeyeon asked him coolly.

He looked up, surprised. He flashed her another polite grin.

“I’m in line for the men’s room.”

“Then why isn’t anyone in here?”

Donghae pushed against the handle. The door swung open wide. In the few seconds it took to fall shut, they could see it was empty. They both turned on the young man. He straightened and glanced back and forth between them. Donghae moved back next to Taeyeon. His face was serious.

“I think you should leave,” he suggested.

The young man chuckled nervously, casting a glance towards the women’s bathroom again. Taeyeon clenched her hands into fists at her sides. Her fingernails dug into the palm of her hand. Donghae took another step forward. The young man sidled away from them along the wall.

_“Now,”_ Taeyeon said. Her voice came out in a low growl.

The young man continued to slide away in stilted movements. Donghae stalked closer. The young man watched him warily. Then they both stopped. His eyes shifted to Taeyeon’s face. She glared back.

“I – I wasn’t –”

_“Hae.”_

Donghae snapped forward. The young man jumped back out of reach. He turned and ran, banging his shoulder hard against the wall as he took off. Donghae sprinted after him.

Taeyeon finally took her phone out of her pocket and ended the call. She went over to the door and knocked once.

“Sica, open up.”

Within seconds, she heard a click on the other side. She pushed just as Jessica pulled, so that the door swung open faster than either of them intended, and brought them nearly face to face. Taeyeon’s eyes widened briefly. She stepped back, but Jessica followed her movement, surging forward at once. She threw her arms around Taeyeon’s neck and pressed her face into her shoulder.

“It’s okay, I’m here. Everything’s fine,” Taeyeon said soothingly, even as her hear continued to pound. She took her hand off the door handle and wrapped both arms around Jessica. The door started to swing back on them, but she caught it with her foot before it could hit Jessica.

“It’s okay,” Taeyeon repeated. “You’re fine.”

Jessica sniffed, hiccupping into her shoulder. Taeyeon could feel her shirt growing wet. She pulled back, trying to see Jessica’s face, but Jessica only leaned into her further.

“Hey, Sica…look at me, come on –”

“I love you so much.”

Jessica’s words came out muffled with her face still hidden, but they were clear enough. The knot in Taeyeon’s chest seemed to loosen and swell. Unbidden, a smile formed on her lips. She didn’t say anything as Jessica finally let go and wiped at her face.

“Really, I mean it,” she continued. “I don’t think you always know, but I do. A lot.” She pressed her fingers to her temple. “I mean – if you hadn’t – I don’t, I just need you to know –”

“Sica.”

Jessica stopped. For a moment they stared at each other; Taeyeon stood with her mouth half-open, voice caught in her throat. She settled for a small smile.

“I know,” was all she could think to say. She nodded her head back towards the front of the store. “Let’s get out of here.”

Jessica kept her fingers curled around Taeyeon’s sleeve the whole way out. Donghae was waiting for them on the curb when they walked outside.

“Did you get him?” Taeyeon asked.

Donghae shook his head. “Made it to his car before I could catch up.” He smiled at Jessica. “You okay?”

Jessica nodded. She hadn’t let go of Taeyeon’s sleeve.

“Good,” he said. “We should get back to the car. I’m sure Tiffany’s gone nuts by now.”

Taeyeon glanced at Jessica as they followed after him. Her fingers seemed to have tightened, but her face remained impassive.

Tiffany looked around immediately when they opened the car door. Taeyeon let Jessica in first, and she could see Tiffany give her a half-nod as she slid across the backseat. Taeyeon climbed in after her and sat in the middle so that she could lean forward to talk to Tiffany.

“Everything all right now?”

Taeyeon nodded. “Did you get ahold of Hyoyeon and Yuri?”

“Yep,” Tiffany said. “Yuri’s ready to intercept if your mom calls her house –”

“Which she will, because she’s crazy.”

Tiffany rolled her eyes and smiled. “And Hyoyeon said it’s fine to stay over there. Her aunt is over while her parents are away but she went out tonight.”

“Perfect,” Taeyeon said with a grin. “Chauffeur?”

Donghae made to flick her on the nose but she swatted his hand away. He stuck his tongue out instead and started the engine.

“Where to?”

“You have to pass Hyoyeon’s house to get to Yuri’s so we should drop them off first,” said Tiffany. “I know how to get there.”

Donghae nodded. Taeyeon tapped Tiffany’ shoulder as he drove out of the parking lot. Tiffany looked back at her with raised eyebrows.

“Thank you,” Taeyeon said quietly.

Tiffany smiled. “Pays to ask for help sometimes, doesn’t it?”

Taeyeon pretended to think about it. She shrugged. “Eh.”

“Yes, it does.”

They both looked back. Jessica glanced at Tiffany, but stare steadily at Taeyeon for a few moments. Then she looked away out the window.

Taeyeon looked back at Tiffany.

“I guess it does.”

\---

Taeyeon made sure to thank Donghae and Tiffany again as she got out of the car. Jessica thanked them as well before they drove off.

They were quiet as they walked up to Hyoyeon’s front door. Jessica rang the doorbell and stepped back once they were on the porch. Taeyeon stood slightly behind her as they waited. They still didn’t speak for a minute.

“You’re not going to ask about Hyomin?” Jessica asked. She looked back over her shoulder at Taeyeon.

“I don’t care about Hyomin.”

She could feel Jessica searching her face, but Taeyeon kept her eyes on the front door. Jessica seemed like she wanted to say something else, but at that moment Hyoyeon opened the door and ushered them inside.

“Tell me everything,” she demanded, locking the door behind them.

Taeyeon glanced at Jessica as they both slipped off their shoes. Jessica smiled weakly.

“It’s sort of a long story.”

“We have all night,” Hyoyeon responded. “And ice cream.”

Jessica laughed. “Well in that case…”

“To the kitchen!”

They both turned and ran down the hall. Taeyeon took her time following behind them .Now that she had time to breathe properly, a new feeling settled under her skin. It wasn’t entirely comfortable. The new feeling grew more insistent, more needling. She lingered on the earlier mention of Hyomin’s name. She paused in the hall by herself and closed her eyes, exhaling slowly. Now was not the time.

“Taeng, you want any?” Hyoyeon called.

“Yeah, coming.”

She took her phone out as she walked in and sat down at the island counter across from Jessica. She sent a quick thank you text to Yuri. Jessica glanced at her every so often while telling Hyoyeon what had happened, but Taeyeon largely zoned out.

_Bzzt._

She looked down at her phone. Yuri.

_Don’t worry about it. You know I love the chance to impersonate my mom._

Taeyeon smiled.

_Still, I owe you one._

Yuri answered right away.

_You can pay me in food then. Tiffany told me what happened…remember what I said before._

_No,_ Taeyeon lied.

_Above, above and beyond._

Taeyeon didn’t respond.

\---

They didn’t talk for the rest of the weekend after they left Hyoyeon’s Saturday morning, and by the time Taeyeon went into school Monday morning, the needling feeling had transformed into a swell of frustration.

She had health class first period with Tiffany and Sooyoung. She spent most of the hour hunched over her desk, working on a story in her notebook. She didn’t look up until class was nearly over.

“…even though it can be hard, it’s important to get help when someone you know has a problem.”

Taeyeon froze.

“Whether it be drugs, alcohol – _anything._ Let an adult know.”

Her eyes found the teacher at the front of the class.

“I know it’s difficult, and I can tell from some of your faces –”

Taeyeon kept hers blank.

“But if you’re _really_ their friend, you have to think about their wellbeing. They might be mad at you for a little bit, but you could save their life.”

A prickling sensation ran up the back of her neck.

“It’s part of being a responsible friend. They’ll understand eventually.”

When the bell rang, Taeyeon was the first one out the door. She pretended not to see Sooyoung and Tiffany watching her.

\---

She found Hyomin at her locker between periods an hour before lunch. She marched over and put her hand on the door just as Hyomin made to pull it open. It slammed shut.

_“Don’t you ever leave her alone like that again,”_ Taeyeon said in a hard voice.

Hyomin glared at her. “Where do you get off –?”

“I’m her best friend.”

“Congrats.”

Taeyeon twisted her hand into a fist against the locker. “Do you even understand what could’ve happened to her?”

“I had a little too much fun before it happened, all right?”

_“That is not an excuse.”_

“She’s fine.”

“Because _I_ took care of it.”

Hyomin gave her a patronizing smirk. “Well I guess we’re lucky you’re always around to save the day,” she said. “Now take your hand off my locker.”

Taeyeon left it there, jaw set and eyes dark.

“Don’t let it happen again.”

She brushed by Hyomin without waiting for a response.

\---

The prickling and needling continued to grow and the knot in her chest continued to swell as she walked out to the cafeteria for lunch. Her fingers twitched with a reckless sort of energy – she had remained on edge for the entire class period before.

No one else was outside yet as she exited the main building. The period was already half over; she had gone out to the fields first to take some shots on goal in an effort to relax. She had hit the post on three of her ten shots, and was irritated as ever.

As if on cue, Jessica appeared at the top of the steps leading up to the dining hall. Taeyeon stopped as their eyes met. Jessica jogged down the stairs and over to where she was standing.

“I heard you talked to Hyomin earlier,” she said in a neutral tone.

“I’m not apologizing.”

“I wasn’t going to ask you to, but you didn’t need to say anything.”

“Were _you_ going to say anything?” Taeyeon countered.

“Wouldn’t that be up to me?”

“How many passes are you going to give her?”

Jessica knitted her brow together. “It’s not just her.”

“But she is part of the problem.”

“Oh, so now I have a problem?”

Taeyeon nearly laughed. “We’re in _eighth grade,_ Jessica.”

“Why are you so worked up about this?”

_“Because you’re my responsibility.”_

Jessica raised her eyebrows. “I’m your _friend.”_

“There isn’t really a difference.”

Jessica’s eyes flashed. Taeyeon let out a hissing breath and closed her eyes. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she clarified.

“How did you mean it then?”

Taeyeon threw her hand up in exasperation. She glanced towards the steps to the dining hall again. Hyomin and Sunny were halfway down them. Taeyeon swore under her breath.

“Still talking shit?” Hyomin asked as they neared.

_“Hyomin,”_ Sunny reprimanded.

“Stay out of it,” Taeyeon growled at Hyomin.

“Weren’t you just saying earlier –?”

_“Tae?”_

Tiffany stood at the top of the steps with Yuri and Sooyoung. She frowned at the group in front of her and descended quickly.

_“Great,”_ Jessica said sarcastically. “The gang’s all here.”

“I’m sure Taeyeon needs the back up,” Hyomin sneered.

Jessica put a hand out as Taeyeon took a threatening step forward. _“Don’t,”_ she warned both of them.

“I don’t remember asking for your opinion,” Taeyeon said, still glowering at Hyomin.

Tiffany came over to stand beside Taeyeon. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing that concerns you,” Jessica answered coolly.

“Actually, it does,” interjected Taeyeon. “Seeing as how _she_ was actually _there_ Friday.”

Hyomin rolled her eyes. “You are such an uptight bitch.”

_“Fuck off, Hyomin.”_

“Taeyeon,” Sunny said disapprovingly.

Yuri and Sooyoung wandered over just as Taeyeon rounded on Sunny.

“Taeyeon,” Tiffany said warningly, pulling her back.

_“Are you kidding?”_

“I know,” she said gently. “But don’t. Trust me.”

Hyomin opened her mouth again but Sooyoung intervened and grabbed Sunny. “Why don’t we stop at out lockers?” she suggested. “Bring your friend.”

“I have a name,” Hyomin spat as Sunny pulled her along.

“Please stop talking.”

Sooyoung shot Taeyeon a pointed look as she led them away, but Taeyeon barely processed it. Yuri quietly moved around to stand on the side between Taeyeon and Jessica.

“Oh Tiffany can be part of the conversation, but Hyomin can’t?” Jessica asked with a raised eyebrow.

“She helped you – _Hyomin bailed.”_

“I don’t owe her anything.”

“Excuse me?” Tiffany hissed.

“And you know who else wasn’t there?” Taeyeon continued, her voice dropping dangerously low. “Taecyeon. Why didn’t you call him to come get you?” Her voice sounded oddly detached.

Jessica frowned. _“What?”_

“He’s your boyfriend.”

“And you’re my _best_ friend,” Jessica shot back. “It didn’t even occur to me to call anyone else before you. _Why are you bringing him into this?”_

_“Why are you jumping on Taeyeon about this in the first place?”_ interrupted Tiffany.

“Don’t even,” Jessica said. “You weren’t here for the start of this.”

“I didn’t need to be – Taeyeon’s always bending over backwards to help you and all you do is argue with her.”

“Tiffany,” Yuri warned.

_“Excuse me?”_ Jessica looked livid.

“Do you even understand or appreciate how much she looks after you?” Tiffany asked. She was almost yelling.

“Don’t pretend like you can even begin to understand what I think of her,” Jessica hissed, voice steady and low.

_“No,”_ Tiffany said. “She doesn’t deserve to deal with that constantly and I’m so tired of seeing her upset because of you.”

Jessica’s furious eyes shifted to Taeyeon’s for the briefest moment, and it was enough to deflate some of her temper.

“Tiffany, please,” Taeyeon said softly.

“Why stop her now?”Jessica asked icily.

Tiffany opened her mouth again, indignant, but Yuri finally stepped forward. She took hold of Tiffany’s wrist and pulled her away towards the main building.

“Yeah, that’s enough – they need to talk on their own,” she said gently.

Tiffany huffed and sent Jessica one last glare, which was returned in kind, but allowed Yuri to guide her away. Taeyeon waited until they had disappeared through the main doors. When she looked back, Jessica’s gaze was no longer angry, but hurt and distrusting.

“Is that how you feel?” she asked quietly. “Is that what you tell her every time we get in a fight?”

_“No,_ it’s not.”

“It sure feels like it.”

“I don’t talk about you with her,” Taeyeon said firmly.

They both released heavy breaths at the same time. Jessica rubbed her temples and shook her head. “What the hell just – _god,_ where did this even come from?” she asked.

“I didn’t mean –”

“I know, Taeyeon. You never do.”

Taeyeon bit her lip.

Jessica sighed. “Sorry.” A few seconds of silence passed, and then she laughed a little, her voice sounding close to cracking. “I mean, we’ve been like this since…”

“California,” Taeyeon supplied quietly.

“Yeah,” Jessica agreed. She dropped her hands from her head and looked at her seriously. “Which is the opposite of what I wanted.”

Taeyeon frowned. “What?”

“Why do you think I asked you to go?” Jessica asked, as though it were obvious. “I wanted us to spend more time together, get closer.”

“And we did.”

“And then we came back.”

Taeyeon ran a hand through her hair. She sighed and walked over to sit on the steps. Jessica sat down beside her.

“I just don’t understand what happened,” Jessica finished in a whisper.

Taeyeon glanced at her. She thought of the dark movie theater, of the walk on the beach, of how aware she was of Jessica all the time. Aware, even at that moment, of how warmth flooded to the point where their shoulders were pressed together.

She sighed again, rubbed at the back of her neck.

“Yeah,” she murmured. “Me neither.”


	14. Chapter 14

11:59 PM.

Taeyeon watched the dots blink between the digits, feeling childish. She smiled in spite of herself and counted down in her head. She swung her legs back and forth behind her in time with the count, her eyes on the little red clock on her nightstand. In less than a minute, she would officially be an adult.

There was a knock, a pause, and then her bedroom door opened. Her father poked his head into the room. “Happy birthday,” he told her with a smile.

Taeyeon looked over her shoulder at him. She pointed to the clock.

“You’re a little early.”

He frowned and checked his watch. “It’s five after.”

“Then you’re late,” teased Taeyeon. “Your watch is always too fast.”

He made a face at her, which she returned in kind. They both laughed. He smiled again.

“Congratulations on becoming an adult.”

“Thanks.”

He shut the door. She rested her chin on her shoulder for a few seconds, listening to his footsteps recede down the hall. She looked back around at the clock.

12:00 AM.

Her phone buzzed almost immediately.

From Yuri: _HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 181818 wow you’re old jeez_

And again: _Did I win?? Was I first? I was definitely first right?_

From Hyoyeon: _HAPPY BIRTHDAY. Woo for being legal ;) And did I win? Did I at least beat Yul and Soo?? You know what, even if I didn’t just tell them I did._

From Sooyoung: _Happy birthday! Wow, I can’t believe you’re already eighteen. We’ve known each other basically since we were born, just let that sink in. Crazy. Are we getting old?? Gross. I’ll see you later today to celebrate, love you._

_Also, tell Yuri and Hyoyeon it’s not a race. Losers._

From Tiffany: _Happy birthday Taetae!!! Remember that nickname? Lol you used to hate it so much. But wooooo look out world, this girl’s legal :) I love you and I can’t wait to celebrate later! I hope today’s amazing, which it totally will be since we’ll all be together! xoxo_

From Sunny: _Happy birthday! Wahoo 18! Damn that’s weird. Try not to get arrested now that you’re an adult ;)_

From Yoona: _HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Let’s go get arrested! Just kidding, it’d actually count for you now so that would be bad. But also a great party story. Can’t wait to party later!_

From Seohyun: _Happy birthday, Taeyeon! I’m so happy we became friends, and I hope you have a wonderful day today. I’ll see you later for dinner!_

From Wooyoung:

_Happy birthday to u,_

_U live in a zoo._

_U look like a monkey,_

_And u smell like one too._

Taeyeon rolled her eyes at the last one and put her phone down on her nightstand, switching it to silent as she did. She turned the light off and flipped over onto her back. She tucked her hands behind her head.

_Eighteen, wow._

It was strange to her, to still be so young and feel suddenly old. So many things seemed to be ending. Her childhood, officially. High school, in less than a few months. Her time in Heights, in a few months after that. For so long she had wanted nothing more than to leave and get away, but now that the time was fast approaching for her to do just that, she felt a new rush of affection for the town. So much had happened there.

Her thoughts kept her up for a few more hours before she finally fell asleep.

\---

They refused to say where they were taking her, but once they neared the bridge Taeyeon could guess rather clearly that they were all going to meet for dinner in the city.

She sat alone in the backseat of Sooyoung’s car, having somehow lost shotgun to Yuri even despite her birthday girl status. She kept her nose to the window for most of the ride, only laughing or chiming in every once in a while during the conversation. She was content to just listen. She looked out at the city skyline way across the river as they went over the bridge. It seemed somehow larger than usual, with the skyscrapers towering over the flat horizon in a cluster of bright lights and smooth glass. In Sooyoung’s car, up on the bridge at that moment, Taeyeon felt very small in the face of the city’s gleaming buildings. She smiled.

“You keep your nose pressed to the glass like that and I’ll make you clean it,” Sooyoung told her in a stern voice.

Taeyeon laughed and pulled away. “You’re going to put me to work on my _birthday?_ ” she asked cheekily.

“No, not on your birthday. But _precisely_ at midnight tonight.”

“Sure you will.”

“Let’s be real here,” interjected Yuri. “At midnight tonight none of us are even going to remember that you own a car.”

“Speak for yourself,” scoffed Sooyoung. “I know how to pace myself.”

Yuri stuck her tongue out.

“Yeah, do I have to stay over Sunny’s house tonight?” Taeyeon asked, leaning forward. “Dinner is more than enough – you guys don’t need to throw a party afterwards too.”

“Non-negotiable birthday girl,” Sooyoung said.

Yuri glanced back at Taeyeon and then hit Sooyoung’s shoulder lightly.

“She’s going to end up being the party pooper at her own party.”

Sooyoung burst out laughing; Taeyeon scowled at them both.

“She _so_ would be,” agreed Sooyoung.

“I’m not _that_ bad,” Taeyeon protested.

“God knows we love you for it,” said Yuri, “but uh, yeah, you kind of are.”

“Yeah, like I almost can’t believe you’re eighteen because I feel like you should actually be turning thirty-four,” Sooyoung explained.

Taeyeon rolled her eyes. They calmed down after another minute of cracking jokes at her expense. They lapsed into a companionable silence for a little while. Yuri looked around at them, her expression sobered.

“Seriously though, it is sort of weird. We’ve known each other for so long now,” she said.

“I’ve known her _a lot_ longer,” Sooyoung reminded her.

“Not relevant,” Yuri said with a dismissive wave of the hand.

Sooyoung and Taeyeon laughed and shared a knowing look through the rearview mirror.

“I mean we got through _middle school_ together,” Yuri continued. “That’s a lot.”

“Yeah that’s true,” Sooyoung said. “I’m pretty sure everyone’s the worst in middle school…it is _truly_ amazing we’ve tolerated each other this long.”

They all laughed.

“I think there’s just a lot of things starting to happen when you’re in middle school,” mused Taeyeon as they settled down. “But you don’t really know enough yet to understand it all, so it’s hard.”

Yuri and Sooyoung nodded thoughtfully.

“Remember when you guys decorated my locker for my birthday in eighth grade?” asked Taeyeon.

Sooyoung grinned and tapped the steering wheel. “I totally forgot about that,” she laughed. “God and it took _forever_ to find a teacher that would open it for us after you’d finally left.”

“Yeah,” Yuri picked up. “I think Jessica had to beg –”

She cut off abruptly as Sooyoung and Taeyeon both looked at her. Taeyeon could see Sooyoung glance back at her in the mirror. Yuri seemed to pause completely – she went still in the front seat.

“That’s right, she was there too,” was all Taeyeon said.

Sooyoung put the radio on. They didn’t talk about it for the rest of the ride.

\---

The rest of the girls met them at the restaurant. Taeyeon surpassed expectations during dinner. Sitting at the head of the table, she kept everyone involved in a constant conversation, laughing and reminiscing long after dessert had been served. Several times, she answered their calls to recite one tale or another from earlier in their high school careers, sending her friends into raucous laughter every time. Taeyeon was more than happy with the role – if there was one thing she could do, it was tell a story.

They didn’t leave the restaurant until nearly ten o’clock. Tiffany insisted on driving her back since Sooyoung and Yuri had picked her up, so Taeyeon followed Yoona back to Tiffany’s car after dinner. Yoona was nice enough to at least let her sit in the front for her birthday, but then spent the first ten minutes of the ride poking and prodding the back of her head. Taeyeon finally went right back after her, which Tiffany put a swift end to once Yoona almost ended up in the front seat with them.

The boys met them at Sunny’s house, all bearing gifts and another loud chorus of “Happy Birthday” for her. Jonghyun tried to do birthday punches at the end of it, but only got off a couple before she hit him back.

As the party started up, Taeyeon finally drew back into her usual reserved demeanor. Though happy, she felt drained from the hours they had already spent talking at dinner. Several of her friends cajoled her into taking celebratory shots, but for the most part she sat back and let them do the celebrating for her. Hyoyeon tried multiple times to drag her out to dance, but Taeyeon kept managing to break free. After the last attempt, she took a seat on the basement steps to watch them all from a distance. She pulled her phone out and thumbed through the new messages.

There were only a few – most had wished her happy birthday already, as the day was almost over, but messages from some remaining stragglers trickled in. There were a couple from former soccer teammates, one from an uncle, another from a cousin, and two from second cousins. Taeyeon frowned a little. She felt like something was missing.

Seohyun came over. Taeyeon smiled up at her and scooted over so that she could sit down.

“Waiting for a call?” Seohyun asked, nodding at Taeyeon’s phone.

“Hm? Oh, no,” Taeyeon mumbled. She looked back down at her phone and then shook her head a little. She slid it back into her pocket. “Everyone I’d need to talk to is right here.”

Seohyun nodded. She crossed her right leg over her left and folded her hands over her knee. She watched with mild amusement as Hyoyeon and Yuri initiated a dance-off against Sooyoung and Yoona. Taeyeon laughed.

“Those four,” Seohyun remarked with a shake of her head.

“They always have the most fun when they’re together.”

“And they cause the most trouble.”

There was a beat.

“Same thing,” they both added at the same time. Seohyun smiled and Taeyeon laughed again.

“I’m happy you’re hanging out tonight,” Taeyeon said, patting Seohyun’s knee. “We always miss you at these things.”

“I’ve come to a few before!” Seohyun protested.

Taeyeon scoffed. “No, _I_ come to a few every year – you’re even worse.”

_“I_ have real excuses.”

“Touché,” chuckled Taeyeon. “Are you sleeping over tonight?”

Seohyun nodded.

“Drinking?”

“No, I have a model UN conference tomorrow.”

Taeyeon nodded slowly. “Good, you can practice being a leader by helping me keep an eye on all of these kids.”

Seohyun smiled. They sat for a moment without talking, just watching the dance-off fervor grow among their friends.

“So, has your birthday been good so far today?” Seohyun asked.

“Yeah…yeah, it has actually,” Taeyeon replied with a grin. She glanced sideways at Seohyun. “Why?”

“You seem…”

“Happy?”

_“Happier_. Much more at ease than usual.”

Seohyun’s honesty never failed to surprise Taeyeon. “God, you too?” she tried to joke.

Seohyun shrugged sheepishly. They fell back into silence for a couple more minutes. A roar went up among their friends as the dance-off came to a head.

Taeyeon nudged Seohyun. “You’re too young to worry about me,” she said finally.

Seohyun gave her a faint smile, but looked at her seriously. “You’re still young too,” she pointed out, “and you worry more than any of us.”

“Excuse you, I’m eighteen,” Taeyeon retorted, puffing her chest out.

Seohyun giggled and shook her head. Taeyeon laughed with her, then nodded more seriously. “You’re right,” she admitted. “But I’m still older than you, at least. So no worrying.”

Seohyun raised her eyebrows in reluctant understanding, but didn’t seem convinced. Another round of cheering began among their friends; they both glanced over with simultaneous sighs. Taeyeon rolled her eyes and got to her feet.

“All right, future prime minister of the planet,” Taeyeon said, earning another laugh from Seohyun, “let’s go see what these fools are up to now.”

\---

Taeyeon regretted checking her phone earlier; once she and Seohyun stopped talking, she couldn’t seem to stop checking for new messages every few minutes. She received one or two more birthday wishes as the night went on, but she continued to feel like she was waiting on something. Or someone.

As it happened, her friends seemed bent on having a little _too_ much fun on her behalf for the night, and Taeyeon had to spend a good chunk of her time hustling several of them back inside (Yuri and Wooyoung, ever the competitive ones, had thought it would be a brilliant idea to have a race up and down the Lees’ long driveway). Once she got them back inside and preoccupied with a foosball match instead, she slipped out to the back deck. Seohyun was more than capable of keeping them all together for a while.

She sat down on the back stairs, kicking off her shoes as she got to the bottom step. She curled her toes into the dewy grass and sighed. Once more, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and opened her messages. She scrolled through them slowly, as though reading what was there would show her what wasn’t.

Friends, family, teammates. Her eyes glossed over the names. Nothing jumped out. She sighed again and flicked her thumb of the screen in a quick motion, sending the menu into a fast scroll to the very bottom. She puffed up her cheeks and tilted her head back to stare up at the sky. She released the breath slowly.

When she looked back down at her phone, the screen had stopped scrolling – she had hit the oldest messages still saved in her phone. She glanced over them, lazily at first, phone loose in her grip, and then again, more sharply. Her eyes went to the very last saved message thread.

_Jessica Jung._

She lingered on the name for a moment before shifting her gaze to check the date. April eighteenth, from a year earlier. She tapped the thread to open it. There were only three messages.

From two years ago, to Jessica: _Happy birthday._

From one year ago, from Jessica: _Happy birthday Tae._

From one year ago, to Jessica: _Happy birthday, Jess. Hope today’s good._

And that was it. She blinked at the screen. That was as far as she had allowed herself to deviate from the plan. A few words twice a year. Nothing else. That’s all she – _they_ , had left.

_“Taeyeon?”_ came a voice from somewhere behind her. “What are you doing out here?”

She didn’t answer. Her eyes settled on the current time at the top of the screen. Five minutes until midnight.

Footsteps neared, creaking against the wood of the deck. Sooyoung sat down next to her and watched her face for several seconds before looking to the phone screen as well. She let out a tired sigh when she read the contact name.

“Come on, Taeyeon,” she pleaded. “Don’t do this to yourself right now.”

Taeyeon kept staring at the screen. Sooyoung reached over and pressed a button along the top. The screen went black. Taeyeon glanced up, but still didn’t look at her.

“That’s the one thing we kept doing after freshman year,” said Taeyeon in a hollow voice. “Twice a year. That was it.”

Sooyoung shook her head and stood, pulling Taeyeon up as well.

“So either she purposely decided not to say anything this year,” Taeyeon continued, only half-paying attention as she was raised to her feet.

“Not tonight, Taeyeon, don’t. Not today.”

“Or she forgot.”

“Taeyeon –”

“I can’t decide which would be worse.”

_“Taeyeon,”_ Sooyoung said sharply. Startled, Taeyeon finally looked up at her. Sooyoung let go of her arm.

“It is your _birthday_ ,” she said. “Don’t do this, just once. Just for today.”

Taeyeon blinked at her for a minute. Sooyoung stared back, eyes still pleading.

“Today’s almost over.”

Sooyoung sighed again. “Come on, let’s just go back inside.”

“Why am I still hanging onto this?” Taeyeon asked.

“Honestly, I’ve been wondering that for almost a year now,” Sooyoung told her. “All you do is drive yourself crazy.”

“What if she’s still hanging onto it?”

“What if she’s not?”

They stared at each other. Taeyeon looked down first.

“Whenever you’re ready, we’re all still here ready to spend time with you,” Sooyoung reminded her with a sad smile. “Please just let this go for the night.”

She turned away and walked back inside, leaving the sliding door open behind her. Taeyeon waited until she was gone and then checked her phone again.

12:00 AM.

_No new messages._

Taeyeon gazed at it.

12:01 AM.

She turned the phone off completely and followed after Sooyoung. She pulled the door shut, locking it behind her. She left her phone on the kitchen counter.


End file.
